To ask for advice

[soapme]

I have a 5 year old and 1 year old and I’ve recently gone back to work full time.

When I went back to work after my first maternity leave my MIL kindly offered to look after my DD a day a week.

She then started to look after her other grandson another day during the week. Obviously when I started Mat leave with child no2 I kept DD1 with me and made sure dd saw mil during the week.

Anyway, when I was due back at work we asked MIL if she’d like to look after dd2 half a day a week . DD1 has now started school so no need to look after her. She said no to the half day on the basis that her grandson was so badly behaved and hard work that she didn’t want to look after her grandchildren on a regular basis.

We never questioned this as it’s her decision and she isn’t obliged to look after dd2.

I have a pretty full on job as a solicitor and travel during the week so weekends are sacred but also quite busy with DD1’s clubs and parties (who knew a 5 year old could be invited to so many parties?!). My MIL is now making noises about not seeing the grandchildren enough or on a regular basis.

My DH feels guilty but some weekends we are jam packed with things on and we do take the DC round but it’s not always at the same time or every weekend.

WWYD? I don’t know what to say to her

Just explain how busy you are.

Could she be part of one of the clubs, pick or drop off etc?

Some weeks that's how I get to see my GC.

Also what I will say is that five years of getting older does make a difference to your patience and energy levels.

@Birdsgottafly I totally get that. That’s why we just accepted that she didn’t want to do it.

It’s funny you say include her in the club. I mentioned this to her and she insisted that I would need to pick her up and drop her off every weekend - despite having a car and a valid licence. My DH vetoed it because it would add an hour on to the time it takes to get to the club venue. Honestly I am at my wit’s end.

We asked her if she wanted to keep DD1 overnight because she’s been going on about missing her and how she loves her company (and she sleeps for 12 hours ) but she declined that offer.

I must sound like the horrible DIL but I just can’t commit to a set time nor do I want to start getting involved in a routine that we can’t keep.