To not be able to decide if he's as horrible as he sounds?

[RebelWitchFace]

Not a romantic interest,just someone I'm frequently in contact with.
What he says is awful ..racist,homophobic ,sexist etc. Basically he's a one man Daily Mail Bingo card.

His actions however don't actually reflect any of that. He's kind,helpful,friendly and nice to everyone regardless of their race,age,sex etc.
It kinda goes like this.

Homophobic comments- but staunch supporter of his gay friend getting married,happily attended and was involved in the wedding, no issues whatsoever with rights for gay people.

Racist comments- but he never treats people of another race as less, interacts with them, no issues with mixed race relationships or children,socialises and helps them when needed etc.

Sexist comments- but he treats women with respect, never a bad word to say about his ex or ex wife, still friends with them and he'd help them out in a heartbeat if they asked.

Comments about people on benefits- but when someone expressed surprise at how well raised a child from a family on benefits is he jumped on that person for being a snob and ofc the child is lovely and well behaved as the parents are the same,why would she be any different.

The examples are many and I can't really get my head around it. The way he acts and interacts with people(all people) make him a decent human being, the way he speaks make him an awful,ignorant bigot.

Is he Frankie Boyle?

Could it be that he thinks he is being equally awful across the board, so that makes it ok - it's not like he's singling our a single group of people? I know there are comedians, columnists etc. who take that approach. I don't agree with them, they always seem to be straight, white men, but it could be a misguided attempt at humour?

It does depend on what he's actually saying though. If he's like some of the examples here and just two faced about individuals, citing their race as a criticism, he's an arse. If he's someone who makes Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman jokes and thinks that means they even out, he's ignorant but could be nicer than he appears.

To me it sounds like he's repeating things he has read/heard and thinks sound 'clever'. Sounds a bit dim really

I have a friend like that, though he has improved. I don’t hold back on telling him he’s talking bollocks and pointing out why. I think he was parroting the bigoted, racist, sexist and disablist he grew up with. When he used a vile disablist term to insult someone he was talking about, I in turn told him that my little (insert disablist insult) was just coming downstairs to say hello to him. He looked absolutely horrified and was genuinely upset. I think he needed to realise that behind each horrible term, there was a real person. It’s been a long slog, but he’s actually changed his outlook a lot over the years. Funnily enough, he is one of the kindest people in how he treats others from all backgrounds.