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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable: noisy neighbour edition

26 replies

IratePanda · 04/11/2018 12:05

So, Ladies.. I've been pondering whether to broach this subject for a while now, but as my induction date approaches, and the frustration hardens, I've had about enough. Warning, it's a long one.

Bit of backstory:
In May this year, my partner and I found out we were expecting our first child, which after a year of no contraception was a bit of a surprise, as we'd both struggled to conceive in past relationships and had just assumed it was not meant to be. At the time, we were living in a large multiple occupancy house, renting a room, and being ripped off quite honestly. The environment was not suitable for a baby in any way, shape or form. We knew this, before hand we'd tried to save up money to leave, but there was always something coming up which left us digging into our savings. Food would be stolen, clothing.. If it wasn't nailed down, it would walk. Anyway, after our initial booking with the midwife, we explained our home circumstances, and the midwife expressed her concern as she knew of previous ladies who had been in the same situation, and it had brought her to tears. She offered to refer us for a social work assessment on the basis of hoping they could help push for us to be moved, or offer support into getting out of that hell hole. I have a lot of health conditions, and even at this point in my pregnancy, I was struggling with being type 1 diabetic, having severe neuropathy and just the stress through living where we were. Our landlord was trying to extort more more money from us, and wanted us to try and swindle money from the benefit system, to which we refused outright. It was becoming an every day nightmare. In the process of having our social assessment, I'd managed to find us a lovely little 3 bedroom flat, that we could easily afford, as we paid more for just the double room we currently rented, and the fees were not awful at all (£250 for half price deposit and admin fee) We jumped at the chance, and went to view. It needed a bit of Tlc, but it was warm, clean and would be our own safe space to bring our daughter into the world.
Fast forward a month, and we'd passed our social assessment with no concerns, as I'd already found us a place to move, abs we'd be getting the keys within a week or two. When we eventually moved in, it was bliss. My other half, and I felt so calm, and safe.. It was world's away from where we'd been..

Then.. The we heard our downstairs neighbours. Initially, I wasn't bothered. They had several young children, and a baby from the sounds of it. Kids make noise, right? Right. Not just the kids though. The adults. Screaming and shouting from the moment their eyes opened, to the moment they went to bed. The kids had no rules, constant screaming, banging, kicking doors, windows and no bedtime.. You name it. From 6 am, to 2am. Every single day. They are a Muslim family, and from what I can gather do not speak much English at all, I've tried to talk to the mother in passing, hoping to reason with her and explain that in a few weeks, we too shall have our daughter, and I don't think I will remain calm for much longer if their racket disturbs her, or me, for that matter. This pregnancy has been a real struggle for me, I've been on bed rest, and told to take it easy as not to cause any complications. I am at my wits end now. As I write this, I've been up since 6:30 because of their noise, I've complained to the council, and short of unleashing hell upon them. I don't know what else to do.

Am I being unreasonable, or is this normal? I mean, it something when you can hear them over the sounds of a washing machine at full spin. On another note, I worry for the children. They have no routine at all, are left to cause chaos and play in a garden scattered with dirty nappies, the father shouts, and screams at them, so they appear to fight and argue for, attention.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Signed,
A stressed out Mum to be.

OP posts:
HannahHut · 04/11/2018 12:12

I don't see how the whole back story was relevant. You're not more entitled to peace because of your previous situation, however I agree that you shouldn't be hearing that volume of noise constantly. The advice is always the same. Report, keep a log and try to ignore as best you can.

What hours is the noise between, you say it's from when they wake up, what time is that?

IratePanda · 04/11/2018 12:19

I guess it wasn't really relevant, I've just never posted before and didn't know what to include. Forgive me. As for the noise, it usually starts from about 6 am, sometimes earlier depending on whether the father wakes up with the baby. Which usually results in him shouting at it, and then the rest of the family wakes up. From then, it's pretty much all day until they go to bed, which last night I could still hear the kids playing, and banging at gone midnight.

OP posts:
HannahHut · 04/11/2018 12:22

Noise before 6am when they have a baby is expected but the shouting isn't. If you're concerned for the welfare of the children you could report to SS but I would wait for others to come along and see if they think that's the best way to go too.

Jayfee · 04/11/2018 12:25

I think I would also suggest when the noise is bad, go down and knock on the door. Have the current noise on your phone and play it to her and him. It might be that they don't realise how the sound is travelling. You Aldo need to keep a written and recorded diary for environmental health. They will also speak to the couple. Good luck.

Governoress86 · 04/11/2018 12:29

I feel for you, we are going through the same with our neighbours except we are in a house. We have had it going on now for just under 2 years.

My DD is 8 and she has seizures which is caused by stress, tiredness and anxiety, I also suffer from mental health aswell.

My neighbours are the same as yours, with 2 children who do nothing but scream, shout, throw things at our wall, slam doors, argue ect.

We have spoken to the neighbour and that resulted in abuse thrown at me and my daughter, damage to my car, police have been involved. I have recorded the noise and logged it down on diary sheets and all our local council has said just ignore, and that's it's normal noise. Even though they have heard the recordings.

We are trying to move at the moment as that seems to be the only solution as no one will take it seriously as they see it as because it is children you have to put up with it.

I have children but I don't let them shout and scream, and bang at all hours.

My advice would be to try and move.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 04/11/2018 12:29

If you are concerned about the children you need to contact your local social service department. But, playing devil's advocate, noise at 2am is pretty normal for a family who a baby or toddler, and it won't be long before your own household is noisy at unsociable hours.

And I am not sure why you think their religion is relevant.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 12:43

So move.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 12:43

Not sure of the relevance of all the backstory.

IratePanda · 04/11/2018 12:46

I wasn't mentioning their religion as a dig, it was more that I have tried speaking to the mother and she doesn't speak much English, otherwise I would have tried to talk to her directly. The kids themselves are not toddlers, aside from the baby, they are at least 5 or 6, one older perhaps and

OP posts:
HannahHut · 04/11/2018 12:47

You could have just said "they don't speak English" rather than mentioning their religion.

Solopower1 · 04/11/2018 12:47

You have my sympathy too, Panda. Flowers

But you are heavily pregnant and you've been through a stressful time - don't do anything at the moment. Wait to see how the situation pans out once you have had your baby. Maybe there will only be one adult and one child in the house during the day in term time, so it might get a bit quieter, at least during the day. You never, know, if you are also alone in the house with a baby, you might make friends with your neighbours, and get more of an insight into why they make such a racket all the time. Also, what are your other neighbours like?

There are, and will be, plenty of good suggestions on this thread on possible courses of action. I'm just wondering if your partner could maybe take the lead in this? The last thing you need is the added worry.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 12:48

So find another place to live. All this drama about midwives in tears and blah blah blah is irrelevant. Lots of people have stress in their lives.

Solopower1 · 04/11/2018 12:49

Dontalk, you have just shown why the OP needed to write the back story. Of course she can't move again! Hmm

mumsastudent · 04/11/2018 12:50

How do you know they are Muslim?

pootlepootle · 04/11/2018 12:51

if your child has heard it since birth they should be used to it and will sleep through it.

i wouldn't like the noise either but as pp said, you'll be the same soon and you'll never have to shush the baby for the neighbours' sake!

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 12:52

Of course she can't move again! hmm

Why not? She has a partner. Plenty of people move whilst pregnant. And if she's that far along, by the time they find another place she'll probably have had the baby.

SandAndSea · 04/11/2018 12:54

I don't think you're BU.

Just checking, have you got carpet? If not, get some. With underlay and rugs on top.

IratePanda · 04/11/2018 12:56

You're right, I didn't think of that.

I didn't mean to cause offence, so I apologise, I guess I just didn't know how to word it properly.
I appreciate the advice, and the tough love, I'm just at my wits end. 😔

OP posts:
IratePanda · 04/11/2018 13:01

We aren't in a position to move again, we signed a lease that is legally binding, and seeing as I'm due to give birth in 3 weeks, it's not exactly convenient. I wasn't writing the back story for sympathy, I just didn't wanted to give an idea of the build up to this, and why I'm finding it so difficult to deal with.

As for how do I know they are Muslim, I've heard their daily prayers, and the family wear traditional Muslim attire. Again, their religion or race has nothing to do with it, I'd feel the same regardless of who it was.

Not everyone has the means to just up and move at a moments notice. I wish it were that simple

OP posts:
IratePanda · 04/11/2018 13:06

Oh, and yes we have carpets, and underlay. From what I can gather from my Father in law when he visited, he doesn't think the property was sound proofed when converted from a house into two flats. My in laws witnessed the noise, and were in agreement that it was a ridiculous level. I'd like to resolve this so it's peaceful for everyone.

I'd considered sending a card or something down, but I wouldn't know how to go about it. My partner does his best, but he's reaching his limit with it too, and any attempts to talk to them haven't been successful to this point.

OP posts:
Jenny17 · 04/11/2018 13:18

If it's not sound proofed properly that's the main problem.

CandleWithHair · 04/11/2018 13:22

Good to see the MN nitpickers are out in force. Do bore off dears.

OP I think using a recording of the noise as suggested by a PP might be useful if language is a barrier. If dealing with them directly doesn’t work then you’ll need to keep records and deal with the council. If they’re also renting approach the landlord. Good luck!

Cheby · 04/11/2018 13:27

Is your landlord their landlord? Either way, speak to your landlord. They may be the same person in which case they can read the riot act to downstairs neighbours, or if they are different landlords yours might know theirs and can pass on the complaint. It’s in your landlord’s interest to help resolve, particularly if you are good tenants, because he will find the flat harder to let and sell if there are issues with noisy neighbours.

If they own the place it’s more difficult, but even then your landlord may want to complain. Their noise is damaging his/her investment.

HugoBearsMummy · 04/11/2018 13:40

@SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed unsociable noise at 2am is the norm for families with a baby or toddler? Erm, no it’s not. A baby crying for a feed, or a toddler crying due to teething, yes. Screaming, banging, running round etc is not normal and is disgusting and disrespectful.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 04/11/2018 13:41

I'd definitely complain to the landlord and anywhere else it might make a difference (i.e. the council).

Recording the noise and playing it back to the neighbors could possibly help, but to be honest, I doubt it. People who consistently make that level of noise (and routinely let their young children stay up past midnight) probably aren't going to be the type to care that their noise carries. However, it might be a good idea to take some recordings and make records for your formal complaints.

As a pp said, saving up to move should probably be the ultimate goal. If they're really that noisy, soundproofing might not be enough, and it seems like they're less than ideal in other ways, too (dirty diapers in the garden!). Even though you can't move right away, it could be a goal for the future, if nothing else works.

Good luck!

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