Impossible for a tidy home.

[usertall]

Aibu to think it's impossible to keep a tidy organised home. Feel like all I do is washing, tidying and cleaning yet it's never done. Fucking give up.

Well it's not impossible as plenty of people do it.
It's not compulsory though as long as a minimum standard of hygiene is kept I suppose!

cardibach

Bedding, towels, clothes full whatever crap my ds gets covered in and obviously all our clothes.

It's actually worse when we're at work becasue we both work in healthcare so we have minimum 10 sets of work uniform to do a week too.

I detest washing, to the point we occasionally take it to the laundrette for a service wash.

Thankfully DP is well domesticated more than I am so just gets on with it.

I have managed it but I work part time so have one full day a week for tidying/cleaning etc. We also have LOADS of storage space. We refurbished our house and extended it so added lots of built in cupboards plus we have a large shed, a cabin for DHs hobbies and also a garage. We have a utility room too so washing gets shoved out of the way. Every room has storage. It's the only way I could keep it organised. DH has so much crap!

Start with the thing that gives you the most grief. With us, it's the laundry. We have a large capacity machine, line drying facilities, a tumble drier for wet weather and most importantly, enough space to put all the clean clothes away.

One washing basket. As soon as there's a load, it gets washed, dried, ironed and put away. Same with bedding and towel loads.

For kids' stuff and general clutter, toy baskets, storage chest and a place for everything else.

Dishwasher to keep dirty pots and pans out of sight, goes on every day after dinner. Kitchen worktops tidied and wiped as we go along. Put everything away after use.

Small routines, tidy up lounge before bed, deal with post and admin regularly. Don't put something down, put it away.

Hoover, mop, polish every few days, freshen up bathrooms and clean toilets every day.

You will need to have a blitz before you can maintain cleanliness and order, there are no shortcuts.

I don't get it wh n people say... "I do a few minutes after dinner and an hour clean at the weekend".
I live with DH and our three boys...if I cleaned the bathroom once per week it would be horrific. After dinner the whole house needs tidying.. my attention has been held in the kitchen for 30 minutes. They have the rest of the house destroyed.
They're not small either..they are messy bastards though.

I'm with you OP. I have plenty of storage but it's endless.

As a single mum to 4 and another on the way, I know this feeling only too well and it drives me to distraction lol I spend all day every day cooking, cleaning or washing and half the time looks like a tornado has been through haha my dc are 11,8,4,2

I highly recommend Marie Kondo, or the fly lady.
Our home is pretty spotless but I don't keep much stuff because we have no storage. I also clean a little each day. Wipe down the bathroom and the toilet before I leave. It takes 5 minutes, things like that.
Because ds can have huge meltdowns and destroy stuff, he has ptsd, I've learned to keep things simple and easy to organize so that it doesn't take me long to fix it all.
We were robbed and our home trashed a few years ago and one of the things I was grateful for (they had thrown our paperwork everywhere!) was that everything had a place and was easy to put back.

I think the state of my house is slowly driving me insane. My dh tries his best and the kids will begrudgingly tidy up after I’ve had to bollock them but the general untidiness is depressing. I get to the point that I don’t know where to start so I don’t bother. I’d rather go out than face the mess. We’ve got rooms in our house that we don’t use because they’ve become dumping grounds. The kids don’t care and I haven’t got the energy anymore.

Yes, if things get really messy and disorganised I feel like the walls are closing in, and find it quite upsetting.

I’m organised, the house is clean and I tidy up constantly. I had four children close together so never got rid of anything. By the time DC4 was out of baby stuff we did big move to a big house and it’s all been kept. That was 8 years ago.

I have boxes of football boots for example. Just haven’t had time to sort through it all. I don’t want to bin it. I have many boxes ready to go to charity. Then I get too busy and don’t make it.

The DCs are teens now. No more toys coming into the house. Clothes. A lot of clothes.

I’m a single parent and I work - life is busy.

The house is clean. It feels like all I do is tidy up, but the house doesn't reflect that. There's always things lying around. To be fair, my expectations are quite high, should maybe drop them a bit.

Kids are 9,7 and 4. No partner. Kids do nothing 

Why do th kids do nothing? They should be responsible for tidying their own stuff away.

I also find it impossible OP. My kids do nothing too which I know I need to change but can’t get my head around expecting them to do chores.

Defo pick your next day off to do a big clean. I’m the same as you always in a mess but trying to get on top of it.
I think just concentrate on one area at a time. I.e bathroom one day.
The trick with the washing is to a wash everyday even if it’s half full those are up on the rack half dry for the next day.
Lists are good.
Sorting out one drawer a day during the week.
And get out of the house when it feels like too much lol

I don't get it wh n people say... "I do a few minutes after dinner and an hour clean at the weekend".

The issue is that it's not "I" it's "we". One person can't keep a house clean/tidy if no one else cares.

If your DC are not small then they can clean the bathroom after use if they leave it in a mess.
If they want to destroy the house while you wash up, then they tidy it before they go to bed.
If they think you'll clean up after them where the incentive to keep things nice?

I must admit that I've introduced a chart for my children where they earn computer time/money depending what they want. Each job earns different amounts and they can do as little or as much as they like. The only thing not optional is home work. The more I do the less they get, might seem harsh but I want them to realise nothing is free in this world and that if they want more time for day trips or family time then I can't be expected to pick up the flack for everyone

Ah yes the washing. 4 loads today. There's only 3 of us.

If this is every day then you are overwashing and need to relax a bit. (If one of you is incontinent, or a farmer, or something, them fair enough.)

Kids are 9,7 and 4. No partner. Kids do nothing

And here lies the problem. The 9 & 7 year old should be actively helping you in the house. I’m not advocating child labour but there are a number of things they both could be doing to ease the pressure on you as a single parent

4 year olds
Set the table with supervision
Clear the table with supervision
Help a parent prepare food
Help a parent carry in the lighter groceries
Sort colors for the laundry
Match socks after clothing is washed
Sort washing out in colours

7 year olds
Personal chores
Make their bed every day
Brush teeth
Comb hair
Choose the day's outfit and get dressed

Family chores
Be responsible for a pet's food, water and exercise
Vacuum individual rooms
Wet mop individual rooms
Dust individual rooms
Fold laundry with supervision
Put their laundry in their drawers and closets
Put away dishes from the dishwasher
Help prepare food with supervision
Clean their room when asked
Empty indoor rubbish bins
Answer the phone with supervision

Age 8-11
Personal chores
Take care of personal hygiene
Keep bedroom clean
Be responsible for homework
Be responsible for belongings
Write thank you notes for gifts
Wake up using an alarm clock

Family chores
Wash dishes
Wash the family car with supervision
Prepare a few easy meals on their own
Clean the bathroom with supervision
Rake leaves
Learn to use the washer and dryer
Put all laundry away with supervision
Take the wheelie bins to the curb for pick up
Test smoke alarms once a month with supervision

Loads more tips here
www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting-challenges/motivating-kids-to-clean-up/age-appropriate-chores

I’m always baffled when I see these chore charts. I usually end up putting laundry away in the dead of night but at least I know it is done properly. If I got my kids to do it it would be a disaster and everything would be in the wrong place. Plus the dishwasher, I tried to get them to do that but they can’t seem to grasp the need to empty it first so they create a huge amount more work by putting dirty dishes in with clean ones.

I am working on getting them to carry bags out of the car (bizarrely they are ok at carrying their bags to school) but they refuse and I also try to get them to carry their swim bags etc into swimming but they refuse to do that too. I can’t say that means they don’t do the lesson as they would view that as a win.

In the house I really try to get them to put their things away but I can’t afford to throw out what they refuse to put away or for it to get damaged so I end up doing that too.

If I got my kids to do it it would be a disaster and everything would be in the wrong place

It wouldn’t be an actual disaster though, would it? It’s just washing

I question how children will learn to get things right if they don’t get it wrong first?

As the wife of a very spoilt DH who wasn’t expected to do anything when he was younger (when I met him in his late 20’s, his DM was still picking up his washing and returning it, freshly clean and ironed). And yet his sisters were encouraged to do stuff

I encourage any parent to start early with allowing kids to do jobs and help make a house a home (and make mistakes along the way), and basically learn life skills that they will need in the future.

It comes down to expectations (of the person who normally does the chore) and if these can be lowered (I find this difficult!) and attitude of those involved - if children see a parent getting pissed off that it isn’t done correctly, then they won’t do it or try harder next time. If they see parents getting stressed because things need doing, they need to be told in an age appropriate way that jobs are required for them to live in the house and it to run smoothly (eg tidying away is a big bug bearer for me - magic fairies don’t just sweep around at night moving bags and coats, tidying toys etc, DH and I do it and by making dd7 aware of that, she’s learning that it takes effort to run a home).

We wonder why teenagers are labelled “lazy”; our millennials are labelled as “snowflakes” and why we have yet to change societies view in an era where 2 parents normally work but that running the home still falls to the woman. For me, here lies at least one answer and a realistic solution that all family members, whatever age and however ‘busy’ with their school / jobs / social life, should contribute to the running of a house.

I’m really not a slave driver

My 7 yo puts his laundry away and makes his bed. I don't care if it's perfect, I care that he knows to do it.

I agree with above also. All of your kids should be helping keep the house clean.

About the laundry being put away by dc I sort the clothes into spaces on our bed, same places everytime & my dc know which space is for them to put away.

In each space the clothes are sorted into piles of underwear, socks, jeans, t-shirts etc so they just scoop the pile & put it in the correct drawer. They actually like doing it & are pretty good at making their own beds - certainly good enough for me.

They all bring their own washing down & put it in the basket but I'm still working on toys!