To not wash up?

[Stubbornuincorn]

My DP does all the cooking, because he insists upon it. He enjoys it and also follows a very specific diet plan and plays rugby so eats a lot, so likes to be able to control what ingredients are going in our meals.

I actually enjoy cooking too, but I appreciate that it’s nice to be able to come home from work to a cooked meal every night. I normally do all the washing up as well as it seems only fair.

However I do EVERYTHING else. All the toilet scrubbing, bathroom/kitchen cleaning, laundry, bedsheet changing, fridge cleaning, vacuuming, dusting and whatever else needs doing. He cooks and that’s IT.

It really winds me up that everyone tells me how lucky I am to have a DP that does all the cooking because he doesn’t help with anything else at all!

This morning he asked me if I was going to wash up, there were quite a few plates but they are mainly his and a few of both our breakfast things and it really pissed me off because I had a giant cleaning session yesterday so I feel like He could have easily done it! So I said no I’ve done loads this weekend, can you do it, now we are both sat on the sofa and it isn’t getting done. AIBU just to leave it?

We’ve not got room for a dishwasher unfortunately.

You need to remind him that cooking is the only thing he does around the house and it’s pissing you off. Tell him you’ll be happy to cook if he does everything else like you do.

I have told him that a few times, it usually ends up with him angrily pushing the vacuum around for a while and nothing actually changes!

No YANBU. From now on wash plates/cutlery singularly for you only and only your clothes and no ironing his stuff.

Unless the person is a Michelin trained chef it gets on my nerves when people conclude that a man that cooks means the other person is “lucky” to have them.

Chores rota?

I'm not really sure, it sounds like he's happy to leave all the housework to you because cooking is what he likes. He needs reminded that if he lived by himself he'd have to do it all so if he does his 50% from now on he'll be avoiding that fate.

There's always room for a dishwasher. take a cupboard out.honestly it's worth it!

But a dishwasher doesn't mean he will do any of the other chores. It's just one less for OP to do.

I was in exactly the same situation. So I’m afraid I just ‘worked to rule’ until he cracked. Didn’t wash anything (clothes) that wasn’t mine. Put his dirty crockery into a box outside the back door. If I picked up any stuff that was his I just put that in another box. Blah blah. I wanted him to realise how little he did. It worked.

A dishwasher is just the start though. Get a DW and a cleaner make him pay towards it all. Just make your job the washing and his job the cooking. Make both your lives more enjoyable to just not have to worry about this crap.

So he gets to do something he likes whilst you do everything else. No, it needs to change. My DH is not very good at noticing things need doing, I usually come up with the jobs and then we split them. He will do jobs if I am doing some at the same time.

A dishwasher would help, but only so far as after a while loading and unloading it becomes the job.

Tell him to stop treating you like a scullery maid. He's clearly delusional if he thinks he can get away with cherry picking the nice bits, which clearly the cooking is, leaving the mundane crap to you.

fwiw, DH does the cooking at home, he does the washing up as he goes along so quite a lot is cleared before dinner, then I wash and he dries/puts away. Can your DH do that, so at least it gets rid of piles of cooking utensils etc before your meal.

Plus he does other stuff like ironing, bins out and changing beds he's a disaster at toilet cleaning aghhhh

My DP occasionally (and I mean very occasionally) will change the bed sheets but that’s about it. Oh and he mows the lawn.

So he wants to cook fancy meals for his special diet plan, use loads of dishes and then have you wash up after him?

Tell him to get stuffed. He needs to clean up his own mess. If he won’t clean up then in future he won’t be permitted to prepare more than a sandwich.