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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex trying to claim maintenance

46 replies

Doughnut123 · 04/11/2018 09:23

My ex husband is trying to claim maintenance for having 2 of our children to stay for a couple of months while I had building repairs going on. Until this time, he had not had them to stay during the week, due to his long working hours.
My view is that he shouldn’t be claiming maintenance from me,as he was only been doing what should have been done before.
I would appreciate your thoughts.

OP posts:
Windgate · 04/11/2018 09:27

Does he normally pay you maintenance and have the DC overnight a few days a month?

Original poster
Doughnut123 · 04/11/2018 09:33

Yes, he pays me maintenance and has the children every other weekend for one night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doughnut123 · 04/11/2018 09:38

And I have an older child who stayed with me throughout the time

OP posts:
Poloshot · 04/11/2018 09:38

In fairness financially I think he would be entitled to it from what you've said.

Alfie190 · 04/11/2018 09:41

I don't understand why you think you shouldn't have to pay maintenance when he has the kids? Did he pay you reduced maintenance at that time?

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/11/2018 09:44

If the maintenance to date is/was worked out on how many overnights he had the DC and that number has now changed because of the building work, then yes of course you owe him maintenance....

He could also claim the child benefit so I'd be reasonable and fair about it tbh, before it causes long term difficulty and Ill feeling...

Perhaps after the building work is done suggest access changes to a night or two in the week as well as eow. And a maintenence amount to reflect this...

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/11/2018 09:45

Unless of course, you have 4 DC in total under 18/still in education and 2 are still with you. In that case 0 is owed either way.

Starlight345 · 04/11/2018 09:45

I have to agree with him . Your children still need heat, clothing during this time.

pumpkinpie01 · 04/11/2018 09:47

I presume he wasn’t paying you maintenance for those months ?

adaline · 04/11/2018 09:48

If he pays you maintenance normally, why shouldn't you pay him when he has the kids?

JagerPlease · 04/11/2018 09:48

I think you do owe him maintenance to be fair.

I would suggest calculating what he owed you for the older child, then calculating what you owed him for the younger two, using cms calculator, then you pay him the difference

TheCatWhisperer · 04/11/2018 09:49

No it doesn't work like that. Maintenance is worked out on nights spent at NRP over the course of a year so technically his maintenance for this year would probably be reduced due to the 2 month stay but he doesn't automatically become the RP because he had his kids staying temporarily.

MyOtherProfile · 04/11/2018 09:49

Presumably the building work is over now and you're all bacl to your normal arrangement? How much would maintenance for those two months come to? Did you pay anything for the children in those two months in terms of food or clothing or activities egg?

Windgate · 04/11/2018 10:00

I think it would be fair if the maintenance he pays was suspended whilst two of his three children were with him and you kept the child benefit (if claimed).
If he can actually have the DC for longer periods is he likely to step up more and have them for additional nights?

Darkstar4855 · 04/11/2018 10:08

His maintenance payments should be reduced to allow for the extra time he has had them for - as he will have been paying for food, heating etc. for them during that time.

sollyfromsurrey · 04/11/2018 10:14

Was he still paying maintenance for those two months? That would be ridiculous so I am assuming he wasn't. I'm not quite understanding what you mean by Until this time, he had not had them to stay during the week, due to his long working hours. but then say he pays me maintenance and has the children every other weekend for one night.....so did he have the children every other weekend or did he not?

LannieDuck · 04/11/2018 10:18

I would return 2/3 of his maintenance payments for those months (2/3 because you still had one child staying with you).

That way it stayed being about his payments, and you don't establish any precedence of paying him maintenance.

Original poster
Doughnut123 · 04/11/2018 10:19

My argument is that he has not had the children to stay during the week in the 3 years that we’ve been divorced. He had 2 of them to stay in a block, but this time is stil less than he should have had them for in the previous years ( week days), so he was only doing what should have been done on a regular weekly basis.

OP posts:
JagerPlease · 04/11/2018 10:21

Yes I suppose rethinking it like TheCatWhisperer said, you should look at the annual maintenance (which is presumably based on him having them 26 nights per year) and recalculate for this year on the basis he's had them for around 90 nights. Quick look on cms calculator based on made up income suggests this could amount to £10-15 less per week so anywhere in the region of £500-750 for this year

Alfie190 · 04/11/2018 10:21

I don't think returning maintenance paid is sufficient. If he had the children the other parent needs to return any overpaid maintenance AND pay him maintenance.

PMSwithacockinmydress · 04/11/2018 10:23

How is your maintenance calculated? On the basis of x number of nights a month/week? Did this block of time mean that number was exceeded?

Did you continue to receive maintenance from him during that time?

BitchQueen90 · 04/11/2018 10:27

It depends on how the maintenance is calculated. Has he been paying you enough maintenance to facilitate him not having them to stay during the week? My exh only has DS overnight 2 or 3 times a month because his work takes him all over the country but he does pay me a very decent amount based on this.

From a moral point of view YANBU but from a purely financial point of view it's not so clear.

BewareOfDragons · 04/11/2018 10:29

My argument is that he has not had the children to stay during the week in the 3 years that we’ve been divorced.

I get what you're saying. you have been 100% responsible to cover all costs and wrap around care costs and arrangements while you work for 3 years ... and probably have continued to pay for anything they go to during the 2 months they were sleeping at his. The care costs be it before/afterschool care, or a reduced job opportunity/income because you have to be there yourself.

I would think it's quite petty of him to be asking for it, tbh. What it should have been is a wake up call that what he pays you isn't nearly enough to cover even half of their actual living, breathing and eating costs....

PMSwithacockinmydress · 04/11/2018 10:38

I would think it's quite petty of him to be asking for it, tbh. What it should have been is a wake up call that what he pays you isn't nearly enough to cover even half of their actual living, breathing and eating costs....

Do you know how much maintenance he pays?

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 04/11/2018 10:41

"My argument is that he has not had the children to stay during the week in the 3 years that we’ve been divorced."

But presumably the CMS calculation for what he pays you would be based on this number of overnights?

(Before anyone says it I know CMS is based on the minimum but I'm talking about the legal position not the moral one).

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