To be pissed off my ex let ds (2.5) sleep 3-430pm?!

[HCantThinkOfAUsername]

Title explains it.
Don’t want to drip feed or out myself but I’ve a thread in 30 days only that explains my situation.

So I split from ex 3 weeks ago. There was dv/da history but he was a good dad - I know everyone says that.

He’s only had ds2 a couple of times for an hour here or there but today had him 11-5. On drop off he said ds slept 3-430 (probably longer).

Now he knows he doesn’t nap or if he does it’s in the morning. Ds has LD quite significant and sleep is a massive issue as it is, he’s up early whatever time he goes to sleep.

Since moving I’ve finally got dc in a routine and settled with all the changes (house move, no ex) but now tonight that’s out the window. He’s still wide awake showing no signs of tiredness.
I have major health issues and now haven’t had my evening meds in fear of falling asleep as they make me drowsy.

Am I over reacting? I’m so annoyed.
My emotions are all over the place as it is. I keep thinking have I done the right thing leaving him but this has confirmed I have. He let him sleep knowing what he would be like.

I didn’t expect this post to be so long, so sorry :(
Feel free to tell me I’m overthinking this. Ex seems to think I’m making a fuss over nothing and has insinuated I’m cruel.

YANBU, so glad you have left him now. That was deliberate, especially given you said that he hated it when DS was awake late at night if the childminder let him nap.
Do you think he's going to be genuinely interested in contact with DS going forward? Because if so, it could end up that he has him overnight every other weekend. That might stop him letting him nap in the afternoon, if it affects him.
It's not easy but you're not with him anymore, and things can only get better.

And OP, even if it wasnt deliberate, it can be hard work trying to keep a toddler entertained when they're grumpy, and much easier for the adult in the short term to let them sleep. So he's done it to make his own life easier, and not given a shit that you're the one that has suffered as a result. Either way, you're better off without him.
Anyone that says it's not that big a deal and there will be more important battles to fight, probably haven't been a single parent with a disability looking after a child with SEN on their own. Been there OP, it really does get better.

The bigger issue is that this was a dc/da situation and your ex will be pulling all sorts of little stunts like this I bet. Ones which don’t seem that bad but are.

I would question maintaining contact.

It isn't cruel to keep a child awake when they want a nap in order to allow them to get a decent night's sleep. And it's full on moronic to let them sleep for 90 fucking minutes at that time of day. A 20 minute power nap might arguably have been justifiable, but not that long. Mine would've been up til midnight, and were on the rare occasion it happened because of grandparents, travel etc. Then up as usual the next day and miserable.

This is a health issue and your ex did not prioritize your DS's needs and well-being as he saw an opportunity to mess things up for you . Can you change contact to 2 hours much earlier in the day?

I’ve an appointment with a specialist DV solicitor on weds. He seems to think it’s up to him when he has him and it’s all very last min.
I’ve had to stop work as I was a shift worker and he refused to have him so I could work.
He failed to turn up to have him several times.
He’s been really nice trying to win me back and I’ve ignored messages and stated I will only talk to him regarding dc and he turned really nasty.
Sorry should have mentioned earlier - he doesn’t have his own place yet, he’s staying with his sister/bil & nieces and nephews.
That’s why I’ve been a bit more laidback about it as she’s normally there - yesterday it turns out she wasn’t. Even she has said she wouldn’t have let t happen for that long.

I Want it sorted through court just don’t want to give him any more reason to kick
Off at me. Hopefully weds can sort the non mol order.

You're very wise - this is not someone you can come to reasonable arrangements with.

Court is the best plan here, especially given your DSs additional needs, he needs a routine for contact. I am a bit confused about supper though, what time did he bring DS back to you, I thought he brought him back to you at five, surely he shouldn't have had supper by then?

MrsStrowman sorry I should have clarified a bit more - the plan was he would have lunch and supper with him before being dropped home.
Because he gets up so early he has bfast/lunch/supper earlier than most then snacks

I completely understand how you feel (DS has LD and is sleep disordered, ex would have known how this affects your DS and you). You can't ask people with neurotypical kids if YABU because you can be much more relaxed about sleep with an NT child and they just won't know what it's like.

You know you are not BU, he's done this partly out of laziness and partly to wind you up. Which has worked. These are the early days after your split and what you do now will set the tone for years to come. Summon up everything you've got and just shut down and ignore. You get it, I get it, but your son is going to spend time with his dad and his dad is probably going to be a twat to you. You don't have to stand for it, but you're unlikely to achieve much more than you did with ex when you were together. The only thing you need to say is that it's not good for DS and he needs to be clear that it shouldn't happen again. Then shut down the topic.