To be sat in my car eating a salmon sandwich

[WhatSheSaidLastTime]

This might be long so bear with me.

Earlier this evening my husband and I had a big argument. We needed to decide what to do about seeing his parents/family at Christmas as they live about 3.5 hours from us. I suggested we went the Friday before Christmas and came home Sunday lunch time. We normally visit from Friday evening until Sunday evening but as I will need to get everything ready for Christmas on the Sunday afternoon/Christmas Eve I asked if we could leave a bit earlier on the Sunday. He was NOT happy with that so stormed off (as he does whenever he gets annoyed). We then had a ‘conversation’ about it via text message where he expressed that he thinks I’m selfish wanting to leave early just to buy some ‘vegetables’. I tried to explain that as I will be working the whole of December (every day very very long hours), and then will have to sort out packing for the visit, presents for giving during the visit, Christmas arrangements for when we return, the children etc I just wanted to not get home at 10pm the night before Christmas Eve and then have to spend Christmas Eve sorting everything out and not spending time with our young children. Any way, I ended up getting very annoyed because he wouldn’t acknowledge that I have ALOT to do and him offering to ‘help’ just infuriated me. Should he ‘help’ in his own home with his own kids?!

He then came and tried to apologise by tapping my shoulder and trying to hug me. He will never actuLly say sorry, he just hugs me and then acts like nothing has happened unless I prompt him. I pulled away and wanted an apology for how he had reacted and he stormed off again saying I was ungrateful and just wanted everything my own way for not hugging him first before he said sorry 🤔

I am at the end of my tether with the total lack of communication, with having to have any form of ‘serious’ conversation via text. Of him getting annoyed and storming off all the time.

So here I am now, I just had to get out of the house for a bit so I’m eating a Tesco salmon and cucumber sandwich in the car!

I’m not sure what to do about his appalling communication and always making me feel like I’m in the wrong though 🤔

Oddly enough when we used to come over from Germany at Christmas around 22nd everything got done in a day, including buying the tree, presents were wrapped before we left, but got everything else we needed and we would host up to 15 people. Dare I say that there is a tendency to make Christmas far more complicated than it needs to be? The best tip I was ever given was to blanch carrots, sprouts etc the day before, on the day put them into over-proof serving dishes, butter and cover, put into the oven with other stuff on the day, perfect, less washing up.

Tell him he’s in charge of the Christmas food menu, the Christmas food shop, the cooking. You’ll do the gifts and clean the house

The hardest thing for you is the thing you need to do - relinquish control and let him do Christmas this year. Just ensure the dc have gifts and tell him he can do everything else. Then go with the flow.

I’m not sure what to do about his appalling communication and always making me feel like I’m in the wrong though

That’s him making you feel that way, he knows fine we’ll that he’s not doing enough and is ducking out of his parenting/household duties by making it all your responsibility. Trouble is, he knows you will do everything because a) it’s what has always happened b) it would probably take longer for you to explain than for you just to do it.

It’s diff, but you need to let go and start getting him to do a LOT more than he currently does. As a pp said, his parents, so he gets to pack/prepare/buy gifts/snacks for the trip.

Have you got him to read this?

The URL isn't to a porn site

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

it may make him stop and think, I hope so.

@BlankTimes I’ve actually shown him that a few weeks ago. It made a difference for about a week 🙈