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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex twice in 2 years....

17 replies

Mytype · 03/11/2018 15:54

I don’t know where to start. Iv been with my partner for 5 years, sex hasn’t always been great but it’s now non existent! We had our son 2 years ago and since then we have had sex twice in the two years! He is on medication for anxiety and depression so I know this could be the problem but he won’t go to the doctors. It’s not even the sex we literally have no affection between us. I feel so lonely and single at the moment. Is this completely normal?!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/11/2018 15:55

Not normal at all. Have you spoken to him about it?

Oopupsideyourhead · 03/11/2018 15:57

Same here OP- am at the end of my tether and close to the end tbh. Can’t go on much longer

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 15:59

Have you tried to introduce intimacy that doesn’t lead to sex. So kisses and cuddling

Original poster
Mytype · 03/11/2018 16:02

Iv tried talking to him and he just says he never thinks about it ever and he doesn’t know why. We’ve tried that and to be honest it just feels so forced and strange. It should come naturally. We don’t want to spilt up because we have a son together but I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone whom I’m not happy with

OP posts:
Paris14eme · 03/11/2018 16:04

I had this problem for years. Husband on medication for anxiety and depression since 2007. We have been married for 21 years, 4 children and I could count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex in the last 8 or 9 years. Fortunately, I’ve met someone else who is a fantastic lover and now my husband and I are separated. Life is too short!

Original poster
Mytype · 03/11/2018 16:11

I just don’t know what to do I feel like he isn’t attracted to me anymore, but he wouldn’t tell me because he knows if he does it would probably be over between us

OP posts:
iwillkeepthishouseclean · 03/11/2018 16:15

Get out of this marriage why do you not think you deserve more whilst I sympathy with your husband if he can't change it isn't willing you totally deserve more !

LizzieBennettDarcy · 03/11/2018 16:26

You deserve more.

Vixxxy · 03/11/2018 16:34

Me and DH have this issue, but its the other way around. I am on bucketloads of medication with numerous health issues and I am just never ever in the mood. He doesn't pressure me mind, but sometimes I do feel I should just basically grin and bare it as its unfair on him I think. Doctors don't care at all and just say that its not an issue.

I hope you get it sorted out, I really do.

MumGoneCrazy · 03/11/2018 16:36

He's lost his sex drive, it happens sometimes with depression and meds, I haven't had a sex drive in years myself. Talk to him tell him how it makes you feel about your relationship and ask him if next time he goes to the doctor for more meds if you can go with him and talk to the doctor together about it.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 03/11/2018 16:43

Not normal sorry. We have 2 kids under 3 and very busy lives, we only manage once a week (used to be a lot more!) but we always greet one another with a kiss, kiss bye or have a cuddle whenever we can.

One of my best friends left her husband last year only 2 years into her marriage, he has depression and his medication meant he just didn't want sex. He even let her have an open relationship to try and save the marriage. She ended up leaving him for one of her flings.

I'm not sure I agree with what she has done to be honest, she should have tried harder and support her husband. I thought it was pretty shit of her.

rainbowquack · 03/11/2018 22:48

Do you share a bed? Does he hold your hand? Could you start with that?

So sorry, haven't been there but I know I would be heartbroken.

Original poster
Mytype · 04/11/2018 23:28

He works nights but when he is home we do and never hold hands in public.

OP posts:
Jupiter13 · 04/11/2018 23:38

Perhaps introduce a toy?

Rachelover40 · 04/11/2018 23:41

It does sound as though medication has robbed your partner of his libido.

Please tell him how much you miss affection, there's so much more to life than penetrative sex. It's nice to kiss and cuddle, also to speak to each other affectionately.

MrsStrowman · 05/11/2018 00:04

I've been off sex during pregnancy, back injury, general weirdness, so we've had sex twice in the last seven months (nothing compared to your situation I know), but we kiss each other good morning, goodbye, goodnight, hi I'm in the kitchen too etc every day, we still cuddle for no reason and not just in front of the tv, we do hold hands and hadn't realised this was unusual until friends saw us out in town and we hadn't seen them and they commented on it. The affection and hoping we can get back to how it was before is keeping me going. If he can't offer you sex right now, he needs to make an effort with the affection side of things.

TurkeyBear · 05/11/2018 00:54

OP I'm 15yrs in to this. Run for the hills. It never gets better. I'm filing for divorce soon and wish I'd done it over a decade ago.

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