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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

7 replies

Justcallmestep · 03/11/2018 12:50

So I am actually cringeing having to write this as it sounds stupid. But hey.

I have said I’m going out at a work gathering for a few hours next week and DP is annoyed I’m going now as there’s a young chap on my team also going- and it’s clear he has a jealousy problem. Ultimately he’s said that he doesn’t trust him he knows things he done blah blah blah. I’ve said so what- what’s that got to do with me?

More or less saying this young chap doesn’t think twice about trying it on with other women. Wtf? Nothing to do with me. He’s bloody 13 years younger than me I don’t even care.

But he has a bit of anxiety around this. When I’ve said he’s being unreasonable and Christ he could have anxiety over anyone I’d never get to do anything.

He then brought up something from about 2 years ago where I was u comfortable with him going to a party where his ex GF was at. Which he was right. She was a pain in my arse caused so much grief and it took almost 2 years before she got bored and left us alone. Anyway various things happened where I felt he could have dealt with it better and had my corner a little more in scenarios. He never did and that’s why i didn’t really want him at a party - I couldn’t be dealing with all the crap.

I’m fine now - time has passed it’s all good. He’s out in a few weeks and she could be there. What can I do? Does it make me feel a bit “god hope she doesn’t raise her head again” yes- but that’s his choice.

Anyway he then says it’s not alright for me to dictate about that and me to just go out. I’ve said they’re different and Christ I never even went out with this guy.

He’s also going out the night I’m meant to and out with work the week after. What’s the difference I say?!

But he said “you don’t have anxiety about anyone”

Ive tried to explain Christ I wouldn’t go to a party with me ex who made his life a right pain in the arse- I just wouldn’t. They aren’t comparable.

I’m on day 5 of literally grunts all week. How the heck can I make him see reason?

He keeps saying a feeling is a feeling regardless of a situation- yet when I refer to about 10 bloody things he’s done that I wasn’t that happy about but he just did- it’s different.

He actually said last night “he wouldn’t look at you anyway you’re too old” then he referred to two girls that this chap apparently likes. I don’t give a flying fuck!!

Who cares? I just thought why say that?

It all went tits up then because I said “bloody hell we both know I’m better looking than those two so maybe you’re worried he will fancy me after all?”

He couldn’t cope. I shouldn’t have said I but he pissed me off.

I am NOT not going on my night out. I rarely go out with them - as in once and I’ve been on the team just over a year.

I just don’t know how to go through another 5 days like this - arghh!!

I spoke to my Bff and she sent me a picture of Britney Spears in her red catsuit and said “tell him this is your bowling outfit”

Bloody hell- this is really getting to me now.

What can I do?!

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 03/11/2018 12:54

He doesn't have to trust this guy, but if he trusts you then it doesn't matter how he feels about this guy. Even if he does try it on with you, you'd say no - if your OH is confident of this then why is he jealous?

Honestly, he sounds emotionally abusive. Sulking because you're going on a night out, yet he's going the week after? Expecting him to pander to his unreasonable-ness and dressing it up as anxiety. I say - Run for hills.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/11/2018 12:55

And not wanting him to be around an ex who caused you grief is not the same as him not wanting you to be around a man who may or may not "try it on" with you. Is he normally such a massive twat?

OutragedEtc · 03/11/2018 12:58

He sounds like a whiny wet shite. I wouldn’t waste any more of your breath on this subject until he grows up

Justcallmestep · 03/11/2018 13:15

Gunpowder - when he tries to compare it I give bloody good examples to back up why I felt this way. It’d still pee my off if he just forgot this and cracked on but hell- what can I do?

Luckily for me - words do not really hurt me. People say things in haste and I am really thick skinned. But if I say something back he it gets in his head. Don’t give it out if you can’t take it.

The ex oh Jesus I swear to god I had a life like easterners for a short while and he dealt with all all his own way that bloody looked after her feelings and his.

That’s what I said to him!! I think I’m the one that gives him anxiety. We’ve both not been angels in our past- his was a joke. But I’ve learned and I’m not about that.

It’s his issue.

He said I can’t bowl around doing what I feel like. I said Christ I’m not I’m just actually bowling.

Wet shite 😂😂😂 oh man give me strength I swear. I said he’s lucky he’s never been made to feel half the things I have or he’s jump off the nearest bridge.

It’s gonna be a fun few days!!!! Strike!!

OP posts:
DifferentD35 · 03/11/2018 13:32

Sounds awful! The two situations are not comparable at all. Being around an ex is totally different to being around a guy who occasionally tries it in with people...

He sounds like he has huge trust issues. I suggest you do go to the night out as otherwise you are pandering to his needs...

UpstartCrow · 03/11/2018 13:36

He is controlling. It never sorts itself out, it always escalates. you need to decide if you want to live like this because it will only get worse as time goes on.

Justcallmestep · 03/11/2018 22:07

Oh FML. It’s good to hear they aren’t comparable. I’m still going - He needs to get a grip. He still isn’t talking. Oh well. Bring on day 5 or 6. They’re all blending into one .

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