AIBU?
Am I a mean cow?
ewoufjiow · 03/11/2018 10:46
I've been in a new job for only a few months. A lady (who I have never met), went on maternity leave earlier this year before I started the job.
Last week, she got engaged. The office decided to buy her a present to congratulate her, and the organiser sent an email round to everyone asking for a £5 contribution. I ignored the email, but yesterday the organiser came up and asked me for the £5. I said I didn't have any money on me, but I had never met the woman. She said everyone has to contribute so it's fair and they have enough cash for a decent gift. I said I would think about it.
AIBU to think I shouldn't have to contribute (seeing as I don't know this woman), or am I a complete cow if I don't want to do it?
Solenti · 03/11/2018 10:49
They want you to contribute to a gift for a total stranger 
? YANBU.
I wouldn't be told I "had to" contribute to anything. It's my money thanks, I will do what I like with it! Bloody cheek.
SputnikBear · 03/11/2018 10:51
You shouldn’t HAVE to contribute to a collection for anyone, let alone someone you’ve never met. They don’t know what your personal circumstances are, you might not have £5 to spare.
Nithead · 03/11/2018 10:52
This is just like when Ross was asked to contribute because the handyman was retiring.
For what it's worth I think it's not fair they expect you to take part
fuzzywuzzy · 03/11/2018 10:52
It’s like that friends episode where Ross moves into ugly naked guys apartment and the janitor is retiring and everyone wants him to chip money in.
Thankfully I’ve never worked anywhere that has demanded I contribute towards gifts for colleagues.
I wouldn’t pay either, you don’t know her, wouldn’t recognise her if you walked pass her in the streets. I’d say no thank you, I haven’t ever met her, she’ll wonder who the heck I am on the card if I sign one.
When I first started at my current place of work I wouldn’t even sign cards for people as I didn’t but bloody well know them. Nobody was bothered.
TheGoogleMum · 03/11/2018 10:54
I think it's a little rude to be told how much you have to contribute! We regularly have collections for staff leaving and weddings and babies at work but an envelope just gets passed around and people can contribute as much or as little as they like. I think it's fine to not contribute for someone you've not met!
How much do you care what your colleagues think of you? Whilst I think it's reasonable to not contribute it might be worth doing so to avoid unfair judgement from others?
Theyprobablywill · 03/11/2018 11:01
Five pounds for an engagement present????? I've never given so colleague an engagement present. How much will they want for the wedding present?
The organiser sounds batshit, I would bet many of your colleagues don't want to contribute, and I think you wouldn't be the only refusenik.
bimbobaggins · 03/11/2018 11:04
I would just say you don’t want to contribute to workplace collections.
And stick to it, they are never ending.
Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 11:13
I don’t think I have ever bought anyone an engagement present. I definitely would not be contributing to a collection for someone I have never met.
I think even if you did know her, it is not on to demand a contribution and say for how much.
TipseyTorvey · 03/11/2018 11:18
I recently read that book The Life Changing art of not giving a fuck. It was brillant and based upon my new found not caring stance I say quietly stick to your guns. Plead poverty if you don't want to be confrontational but it seems a bit daft to contribute to a gift for someone you've never met.
M00nUnit · 03/11/2018 11:33
Engagement present? How ridiculous. Wedding present maybe (if I actually knew the person) but getting a colleague an engagement present is just daft.
Thisreallyisafarce · 03/11/2018 11:45
No, you don't know her.
Just say you won't be contributing this time.
SilentIsla · 03/11/2018 11:47
You don’t know her. It is unreasonable - and ridiculous - of them to expect you to contribute. Don’t do it.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/11/2018 11:55
I hate enforced/pressured giving - which then means that it isn't actually 'giving' at all.
I don't think most people would genuinely feel happy to receive a present if they knew that any/some/most of the contributors hadn't given willingly.
Anyway, an engagement isn't necessarily anything. Whilst many people do get engaged with the best of intentions, a lot of folk treat an engagement as just a way of saying that that they've been on more than a certain number of dates with somebody i.e. we're committed to each other until one or both of us decides we no longer want to be.
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