AIBU?
I can't bring myself to like this
Tantrumschmantrum · 02/11/2018 23:05
One of my oldest and dearest friends has allowed her DH to come home after multiple affairs, the last one where he actually moved in with OW and having lots of money himself told her things like he didn't want her to have his money even though they have children together and have been together for years whilst she helped him with a thriving business.
I now keep seeing pics on social media of them being back as a happy family, and while I can like pics of her and DC, I cannot bring myself to like any that have him in them. I realise my friend will notice that which I know is stupid, but is a pretty clear sign I dissaprove. How do you tolerate one of your best friends with a cheating scumbag? Any tips?
geekone · 02/11/2018 23:10
I understand had a similar situation numerous affairs. I pretended everything was fine but didn’t go round much etc as I found it difficult to speak to him.
It was none of my business I know but I just couldn’t. It really affected our friendship. I felt terrible as I knew it was my fault.
Thankfully she isn’t with him and has actually moved on and we are rebuilding our friendship.
Tread carefully I lost a good friend for such a long time.
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 02/11/2018 23:13
A few of my close friends are married to arseoles. Keep your gob shut, keep your mate and keep a distance from the unsavoury men in their lives
Tantrumschmantrum · 02/11/2018 23:29
It's soo tricky as the last separation seemed quite final & a lot of things were divulged to our close friendship circle and we all think the same of him and she knows it. It's hard to sit with a mate who's several months down heading for the divorce courts. Hear what she said and not to open your mouth in her defence.
In the beginning I tried for the sake of their marriage to suggest mediation routes, but as time went on and more came out, my view changed and I expressed my view of his behaviour. It's been quite obvious in the past that he's stopped her from seeing us, and it's always after he's strayed 😔
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 03/11/2018 00:16
You know what, it’s an age old problem.
When you’ve 16 and your best mate splits up with her boyfriend cos he did this and that, you sympathise, he’s a shit etc etc, then they get back together and YOU’RE the bad person.
It doesn’t change as we get older
Spudina · 03/11/2018 00:29
Don't like your friends posts. After everything she has told you, she will know what you think of them getting back together. As a friend, I think it's ok to tell her the truth, but to say that you care for her and will be there if she ever needs you. Have the strength of your convictions. You can't unhear what you heard.
Tantrumschmantrum · 03/11/2018 01:09
Aintnothing I understand what you mean. I was treading very carefully in the first few months as I didn't want it to backfire, but it went on and councillors were no good and lawyers were brought in and OW and it just felt like an impossible situation not to have an opinion on. It really sucks tbh.
selfidentifyinggiraffe · 03/11/2018 01:37
It sounds like he's an abusive dick if he isolates her from friends and cheats on her
I think you just let her know you're always there for her and keep encouraging her that she's worth something without directly mentioning him and risking a confrontation and her being more lonely and trapped thinking he's all she has or liking the posts and seeming to agree with them getting back by doing so
QueenofStella · 03/11/2018 11:26
Agree with PPs - hopefully one day she will realise she’s worth so much more and dump his sorry arse. Unfortunately with some people that takes years.
I have a friend who is similar - her now DH cheated multiple times before they married but I think she thought marriage and kids would somehow ‘fix’ him. Standing there as a bridesmaid while they said their vows was uncomfortable to say the least. I get on OK with him but certainly not someone I would go out of my way to spend time with.
It’s her life - unfortunately you can’t save people from themselves. But you can be there if she needs you.
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