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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to cut life long friend out of my life completely

6 replies

carmen7 · 02/11/2018 20:25

We have been friends since we were 11 we grew up doing everything together shes basically like a sister to me

she has been in a relationship with a guy for 4 years he seemed lovely to begin with but over the last 6 months they have been fighting alot, actually hitting each other, my friend has left her job and he also no longer works, they drink alot and when they are drunk they argue and hit each other then she calls me at all hours through the night saying thats it they are definitely over then by the time the next day comes she is still with him and the night before does not get mentioned and if I bring it up she says “oh we were just drunk”

I ended up asking her not to call me through the night unless it was an emergency and she did stop until 6 weeks ago when my phone rang at 4am it was her she was screaming down the phone that he was beating her up and I could hear the thuds, I hung up and called the police, she lives 40 mins from me and I don't drive so I called a taxi, by the time I got there the police were in her flat and her bf had been taken away with the police and my friend was getting took to hospital to get checked over

The next day she called me to say the police wanted to take a statement from me and she had given them one as well, I gave my statement to the police all I could tell them is what I heard on the phone, 4 days later she was back with her boyfriend

I got a citation through to go to court to be a witness for this incident, I went last week and my friend who is the main witness did not turn up, I tried to call her but she didnt answer, the court ended up sending me home and told me I would get called back on a later date

that night my friend called me and was begging for me not to go back to court she said if no witness turn up then the case will be thrown out of court, she said she loved her bf and she now wishes she did not make a statement to the police about him, she said the police have been back to her house probably because she did not turn up to court but she did not answer the door, I am so stressed out I cant not go to court as I will get into trouble, I have recently found out I am pregnant and I have been so tired, right now I feel like just cutting her out of my life but I am so worried that something really bad is going to happen to her, her own parents told her that night at the hospital that if she got back with him then they would be finished with her, so they are not speaking to her now

I have tried to reason with her and make her see sense but she just cant see past him, I really dont know what to do

OP posts:
YuhBasic · 02/11/2018 20:27

Ditch her. She’s an idiot.

greendale17 · 02/11/2018 20:28

You are not responsible for her.

anitagreen · 02/11/2018 20:31

It's sad to say but something bad will happen to one of them and it's not your problem, you've tried and it's not worked you have to just leave them to it now. Not only do you have to put yourself first now but you've also got a baby to think about. Would you want this friend around your baby? If your answer is no then that shows you everything you need to know X

LEMtheoriginal · 02/11/2018 20:32

Idiot or so under his thrall tgat she is too worn down/petrified to leave! Be there for her - let her know you are there for her. It could make all te difference

loveablether · 02/11/2018 20:33

She's in an abusive relationship although it sounds like she's just as bad but she wasn't like this until she met this guy I presume. I suggest to go to court if your cited, you risk arrest if you don't - Make it clear to her your fucked off with her. Research domestic abuse, talk to her and tell her in plain language what you've learned. Send her some videos - there's plenty on line about people's experiences - loosing close friendships is a classic thing that happens - it's hard to break free from an abuser. It may get worse before it gets better. Explain her friendship is important but you can't be her friend if she's acting like this. Good luck

thighofrelief · 02/11/2018 21:10

Tbh it sounds like a drink problem rather than DV. Is this a new thing for her - too much alcohol?

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