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AIBU?

I know I am! But...

4 replies

BettyBoo246 · 02/11/2018 09:34

I’m 38 weeks and really not very nice/patient when pregnant which dh knows and lucky for me learns to ignore me! However this time round I have a 5 yr old ds, sensitive and really is a good behaved boy. I think he has just started to realise what is coming and has got quite clingy and anxious to the point where he is waking in the night (a lot) and becoming very needy for want of a better word. Now I know deep down this is normal behaviour (probably) as a new baby can be unsettling but I feel I’m constantly shouting at him especially for getting out of bed, I’ve tried reward charts etc but they’re not working and I hate that we argue in the mornings and he goes to school upset, I come home crying with guilt and he’s probably at school thinking his mummy hates him Sad I just don’t know what to do? Is it a phase for ds and once dd is here he will settle back to normal? Im trying my hardest to lighten up on him but also don’t want bad habits to form Confused any advice / slating gladly received!

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MsHopey · 02/11/2018 09:46

I don't know if what I say is right. I'm sure all of us as parents just do what we think is best.
But for right now he's probably looking for some reassurance and attention, not necessarily bad things.
We all have individual needs including us adults who sometimes need things. He's showing you he needs you there for him right now, and in return is getting shouted at.
For me I would spend the time showing him love and attention and then trying to get him involved with his sister when she arrives.
Again, I don't know if it's the right things. It's just what I would do.
As a 26 year old I sometimes feel like I want cuddles and reassurance from DH in times of stress and I think it would be unfair for him to shout at me for that.
He needs you there for him emotionally during this big life change that he might not quite understand.

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BettyBoo246 · 02/11/2018 10:33

Thank you Hopey
I’m just racked with guilt and poor ds doesn’t know which way to turn bless him. It’s such a difficult situation, I try so hard to stop myself from punishing him from waking in the night but just find myself making the punishments greater every day 😔 I just hope I’m not doing any long term psychological damage to him 😭

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whoami24601 · 02/11/2018 10:43

Oh I've just been through this! DD (6) was desperate for a sibling and so excited when I got pregnant, but the nearer I got to my due date the clingier and more anxious she became! I tried to keep calm and spend as much positive time with her as possible. I took her out for tea and we had a really good chat over chicken nuggets about what was going to happen when I went into labour etc. It didn't cure her but I think reassured her a bit. Though when my waters broke she burst into tears! I agree with PP that your DS is needing comfort and reassurance, though I know that's hard to remember when you're being woken in the night! DS has been here a week now and she's back to normal. She absolutely adores her baby brother!

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BettyBoo246 · 02/11/2018 11:27

whoami that is reassuring to hear thank you!
I thought with ds being that little bit older it would be easier but didn’t realise myself they are obviously more aware and anxious of the change that is coming compared to a maybe 2-3 year old would be.
I will definitely try the sitting down and talking more with him and try and explain why mummy’s being like this 😬

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