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AIBU?

Scared to take DS out on my own.

19 replies

AvoFriday · 02/11/2018 08:23

DP finishes his paternity leave this week. I'm going in to the city for the first time on Monday on the train to pop in to work and grab a coffee with my friend.

I'm really nervous about taking DS who will be 14 days old out of the house. I'm scared I will need to breastfeed him and he will get hungry and cry and I won't be able to. I'm scared that people are going to have an issue with me breastfeeding in public. I'm worried he will get cold or I'll dress him in the wrong this... etc etc. I'm just worried about everything, which seems really silly because I need to go out at some point.

Is this normal? Or am I being ridiculous? I'm so nervous!

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Sirzy · 02/11/2018 08:24

It’s normal, but why not find somewhere quieter to meet? Is there nowhere local that doesn’t involve trains etc?

Or could your friend come to you and you go for a walk together?

You don’t need to jump straight in the deep end

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FittonTower · 02/11/2018 08:27

So so normal. I remember being so scared first time i took both of mine out. Start small at first and build up.
And don't worry about being judged for breastfeeding. I breastfed both of mine for 18 months each and only noticed 1 person muttering about it in all that time, no one said anything directly to me at all.
Good luck, it gets less daunting very quickly x

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AvoFriday · 02/11/2018 08:29

I live quite rurally and I'm meeting my friend near her work. I'm also popping in to my work which I really need to do for a number of reasons. Neither of us drive... I really need to go and I want to but I just need some tips on how to cope...

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Coffeeand2kitkats · 02/11/2018 08:29

Oh this is so normal! I cried so much when DH finished paternity leave because I was so convinced I couldn’t do it!
Be kind to yourself and manage what you can- attempt the trip if you want to but don’t put yourself under any pressure for timings etc. Look into what your possible “pit stops” could be for changing or feeding etc if that helps you- coffee shops and things. I’ve breastfed on many trains- always seemed better than a crying baby but breastfeeding or crying, I’ve not particularly had any negative experiences.
Good luck and just do what you can- it’s a huge amount of readjustment xx

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UninspiringUserName · 02/11/2018 08:29

Totally normal, everyone is terrified that they'll leave their baby in a shop or on a train. That their boobs might explode, or their baby scream so loud they shatter glass. You'll be fine. Just take it minute by minute, and if it all feels too much, give yourself permission to head home. Make sure you've got a spare outfit for him, and plenty of nappies and wipes in case of a nappy from hell, a muslin to give you privacy for feeding if you feel you need it, and enjoy the adult conversation and coffee.

You will be fine. Trust me.

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CherryPavlova · 02/11/2018 08:31

I fed each of mine for two,years or so,twenty five years ago - nobody ever commented except my mother. Most people approve of mothers feeding babies. Its entirely possible to find somewhere quiet. Wear a baggy top that’s hides everything and is easy to manage.

Put him in layers so you can adjust how warm he is. A bit of fresh air is very good for them.trains are less stressful than driving sometimes.

Maybe start with you taking him to local shops, Tesco’s or for a walk on your own. Your a mother now and might just have to go for it.

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badg3r · 02/11/2018 08:35

I remember those days!! Pack the changing bag full of nappies and changes of clothes. Take a spare teeshirt for you as well. Take some water for you, and a couple of snacks. Two week old babies haven't really "woken up" yet so chances are they might sleep for most of it. But if not, it is ok if they cry a bit in the pram! Plan around three times longer that you would if it was just you to get out of the door. Pay attention to the train stops so you are ready to get off in plenty of time. Once you have made it to the cafe you can relax, you can dump all the stuff in the buggy and cuddle the baby! Give baby to your friend for a cuddle too so you can go for a wee 
People mostly smile a lot and say how cute babies are when you go out with them at that age, even if they are crying!
You will feel so proud of yourself when you get home!!

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JasperRising · 02/11/2018 08:51

Agree with previous posters that you should pack plenty of nappies, wipes, bags and changes of clothes. Layers are good to cope with the change in temperature from outside to inside. Lots of muslins for any sick/an extra layer/a feeding cover (though I could never get them to stay in place that well).

As far as feeding goes, wear an outfit that you are happy feeding in and have worn before. Outer layers that zip or button up are better than jumpers you have to lift if you need to feed in a hurry (I regularly forget this and then have to struggle to get through layers of bulky sweatshirt etc while being screamed at!)

I found it helpful to work out which shops had feeding facilities - I knew that the m&s in my town, the Mothercare and the larger size Tescos and Sainsburys did. They are not always the nicest rooms but it means if you need to feed and don't want to feed in the middle of a shop/outside in the cold at this time of you you have options. Obviously you don't have to use those facilities bit personally I like to have the option!

Similarly, although I know I can feed anywhere (and none has said anything to me) I personally felt more confident if I chose a seat in a cafe which was tucked away (ie not on view from the street) and where I could sit with my back to the café. You shouldn't feel obliged to sit out of sight but if you are nervous on your first time out alone it may help you feel less anxious to be somewhere a bit secluded.

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AvoFriday · 02/11/2018 08:51

I'm scared I'm going to look like I can't cope in front of my colleagues...

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AvoFriday · 02/11/2018 08:53

Thanks everyone. I can't wait until this all becomes normal...

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JasperRising · 02/11/2018 08:55

If you have made it in to work to see them you will look like you are coping! Believe me, I was out with husband and baby at 10days and some people were astounded we had made it out with two of us and one child... Getting on a train on your own etc will look like you fully have your act together (even if you feel a mess inside!).

And if your baby cries at work then just say you need to go somewhere a bit quiet to settle them and do so! Noone will judge you for a crying baby, or a hungry baby - that is what tiny babies do.

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TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 02/11/2018 08:58

I bet your colleagues will be amazed you have come into work at 14 days PP! Noone will expect you to look together, they will all coo and awww at your gorgeous DS.

Can you practice a few short trips without your DH over the weekend? You will do great! I remember the anxiety and every time it was so much easier than expected.

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peachgreen · 02/11/2018 08:58

Totally normal! I spent every trip out of my daughter's first few months terrified she was going to freeze or suffocate! Of course she didn't - babies are very good at letting you know if they're not comfortable!

Just remember these things:

  • Your baby's cry is WAY louder to you than to anyone else
  • Everyone else is way to wrapped up in their own lives to pay you any attention
  • Breastfeeding is totally natural and normal and nobody will bat an eyelid
  • If your baby is too hot or cold he'll let you know!
  • If he cries, you have a magic boob which will stop him


You're really brave to go on the train so soon - be proud of yourself for even considering it, I didn't do it for months!
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Believeitornot · 02/11/2018 09:00

Why on earth do you need to go to work two weeks after giving birth?

Fuck that! You’re on maternity leave.

I would practise feeding at home in front of a mirror if you’re worried. Also try a sling if you can. Much easier that way for little babies.

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SoyDora · 02/11/2018 09:04

I’ve BF 2 babies out and about and no one has ever commented or even looked like they noticed, honestly most people couldn’t give a toss how others feed their babies!
The top tip for dressing babies when out and about in winter is layering... no bulky snow suit type things as you’ll have to take them off when you go inside, so go for vest/sleepsuits/cardigan then blankets. It’s easy to take a layer of blankets off.

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Anotherdayanotherdollar · 02/11/2018 09:05

avoFriday chances are your colleagues will be so smitten by your beautiful baby that they won't be paying too much attention to you!

Pack your bag the night before, no matter how early/late you plan to set off. Its great to have that out of the way and its one thing less to think of. Ideally, pack it yourself so that you know where everything is.
If baby is going to be in the pram the whole time you're outdoors just dress as normal and maybe add a cardi, then use blankets in the pram. Its less faffy than having to dress/undress a small baby while under pressure.

It's great that you're breastfeeding. You can't forget the equipment or run out of milk if you stay out longer than you planned. I bf in public so many times, nobody ever passed comment. I know in the early days it can take a few mins to get sorted and latched etc, but just keep calm, all that matters is that the baby gets fed, don't worry about passers-by etc. Also, its normal that babies cry sometimes. Don't panic!

Enjoy your grown up time!

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ZackPizzazz · 02/11/2018 09:08

Honestly you just need to gird your loins, promise yourself a treat, grit your teeth and go. This will be the hardest time and it will soon be a piece of cake. All these issues are solvable and you'll cope with them as they arise. You will be fine, I promise.

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sittingonacornflake · 02/11/2018 09:42

A sling could be your friend here. At that age my baby would sleep for hours in the sling and I could just slightly move the fabric to the size so people could Oooh and cooh over his cute little sleeping face.

If you're taking a pram or sling practice getting your baby in and out a good 5 or 10 times. Practice folding the pram and go out and about this weekend so you can get used to pushing it, steering it, bumping it up pavements etc.

As PP said - give yourself loads and loads and then a bit more time to get to where you need to go. Loads of nappies, spare change of clothes, muslins. Breastfeed as close to going to work as you can and then plan where you can feed when you leave if you're worried about possibly having to feed at work.

If you get stressed stop what you're doing and breathe. Pick up your baby and have a cuddle and then maybe start again. If it all gets too much, just go home and try again another time. No one will bat an eye lid.

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Fishandthechips · 02/11/2018 09:49

This is completely normal. I still get it slightly now and my smallest is 5 months (although baby isnt really a problem, wild 2 year old however is).
It will honestly be fine. Make sure you have everything packed and try and enjoy yourself! And if it really does go pear shaped you can always call it a day and go home. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future to try again.

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