Husband might find out about past "fling"

[ChocolateToffee]

A year before I started dating my now husband I was in a very bad way. I had no intention of seeing my 30's and had no emotion whatsoever. I think I was looking for a bit of excitement, or just something to try feel some emotion so I messaged a girl I knew and asked her out. We went on 2 dates and did nothing more than kiss when I realised it wasnt for me, I'm definitely straight. I told her I couldn't see her anymore and she got a bit upset saying she really liked me, I felt I had said my piece and didnt respond to the message apart from wishing her well. Last I heard she had moved to a different state. I put all that behind me and got married and some help and I'm very happy

Now 5 years later her brother just got a job where I work and I'm worried that if he mentions where he works she might mention me to him. My husband works in the same area as me so if it came out, everyone would know.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, I'm so worried. I think I'd like some advice on what to do/say if it does get brought up please

Oh not sure what you're worried about then. Btw he wouldn't have to be homophobic to be concerned - that's a leap.

I get why it might be a big deal to you, but as a pp said, if someone started to tell me this information I' be confused as to why. It's not really gossip.

I'd tell your DH that he's working there now, tell him and have a bit of a laugh about it. If anyone mentions it just be open about it and don't look embarrassed or have any other reaction that suggests you're justifying anything. A non reaction will shut them down straight away.

This has nothing to do with homophobia or being ashamed, it's about not wanting your personal life to be the subject of conversation which is absolutely understandable.

It is no big deal, but it isn’t the norm for a straight person to experiment with girls, so i can see why it is something you would neglect to tell your husband. However, you could just let it go and if he finds out say that chinese whispers and gossip have exaggerated the fact you went on a couple of dates before you met your forever person.

He may not find out anything and if he does then just stick to the facts. You haven’t done a thing wrong and there’s really nothing to worry about.

Of you tell him now it probably makes something of nothing.

Have you changed your surname to that of your husband? Chances are her brother will not recognise you anyway, and presumably she has moved on too, won't be interested because you were not interested in her and might even have forgotten where you work, but even if she did she's only going to say something like 'does someone called Chocolate Banana work there? Had a couple of dates with her about 5 years ago, she used to work there.' He'll say 'no I don't think so, only a Chocolate Toffee and a Chocolate Marzipan'. End of conversation.

Past dates where nothing beyond a snog happened are not that interesting.

Unless your dh is some backwards homophobic religious zealot, I really would just mention it and then it's done. I kissed a friend of mine. She was MOH at our wedding. I'm honestly not sure if I ever told my dh, but it doesn't seem like a big deal either way. He wouldn't be aghast at finding it out and he wouldn't have been surprised if I'd mentioned it way back when. Most people have had experiences with people of the same sex unless they coupled up with their partners quite young. I had a former boyfriend who had made out with a few guys in the past. No big deal. He was heterosexual, but just wanted to try something different and it wasn't weird. I don't think it's that shocking unless you come from a very right wing, repressed sort of community. If it takes your mind off worrying about it, then just mention it.

Yeah last name had been changed and I have a feeling her and her brother dont talk a great deal

How can you say most people have had experiences with the same sex? Stats don't support that?

Eg in 2015:

www.statista.com/statistics/603613/self-reported-sexual-experiences-in-great-britain/

For everyone saying "It's 2018, nobody cares" remember that this is the USA where in some families children are still routinely disowned, forced through conversion therapy and labelled as sinful, unclean, perverted and immoral for being gay. The religious right, as evidenced by Trump, is still very much alive and kicking. Forget it at your peril.

sethis I am commenting based on my own experience. As a young adult living in the UK, I couldn't care less about others sexualities, and I very much doubt anyone else in my social circles is bothered.

I missed that the op is living in the us. In which case I imagine it very much depends on what part of the US (NYC Vs the deep south)

I agree with PP that at least culturally from within the UK is seems like such a minor deal I wouldn't give it a second thought. Can you not just tell your husband? It's not like you had any serious leanings to any sexuality other than straight so I think most people would be massively unconcerned. (Not that there would be anything shocking about being bi. but it might pose more of an issue to a spouse).