To ask if you've ever fallen out with another parent over your children?

[Ladygoogoo1]

Going through this at the mo and need to know I'm not alone!! 

Yes. The kids were friendly again a couple of months later, but the other mum and I have never spoken since!

Like a pp, I was in the wrong in this situation.

When my eldest DS was about 7 or 8, he was crying at bedtime - when I asked what was wrong he told me that his best friend (son of the only school mum I'd bonded closely with) had yanked his trousers and pants down from behind in the playground and he was frightened and humiliated. (My words!) He was worried about going in the next day, felt really let down by DF etc.

I was upset but texted school mum 'DS tells me this has happened, can you please have a word with your DS just to make sure it does t happen again'.

She responded that they'd spoken to him, he denied it and she believes him.

I said 'fair enough, but DS is scared of going to school tomorrow so it would be great if we can get to the bottom of it'.

I got a rant back about how she could trust her son and took massive offence that I'd accuse him, etc etc.

I was suitably pissed off but went to reassure my DS. 'Friend says he didn't do it,' I said. 'Could you have made a mistake?'

'Maybe', he answered. 'There were like 5 boys behind me' and went to sleep.

FFS! I was mortified, but school mum never spoke to me again, despite my apologies.

Never, ever ends well unless all parents involved are extremely mature and level headed.

Similar to many others, her DS had been bullying mine, culminating in her DS pushing mine off a wall in the playground at the end of the school year in Reception. My DS had a scrape all down the side of his face, and then a black eye. She actively turned away from me in the playground, and told other mums I was a bitch etc.

She still behaves like this if I see her locally now, and my DS is in Y13 now!! So it has been his entire school career

Oh yes! My DS and other boy were equally to blame for a fight (according to the teachers) and both had minor injuries..But my Ds was blamed for it all by the parents of the other child..My DS apologised but other child was told not to. As I walked away she was shouting abuse using foul language..I ignored, but heard from other parents that she was telling every one that my child was a horrible bully. I firmly believe there was no bullying, just two boys who didn't like each other..but oh no..not according to her. It got so bad and what with other incidences, we moved schools..As PP said ..what a relief.
FF 12 years.. (I so wanted to write what happened earlier this year but it would/could be identifying) I'll just say Karma..with my DS being the law abiding adult..People come and tell me they are sorry they believed her all those years ago..

And to all the people here and in real life who say you shouldn't fall out over kids..I totally agree! But some times it just happens.

Gosh it's much more common than I realised. I have tried to stay on good terms with this woman but I have been quite firm about stopping play dates until it is resolved. She agreed but seems to have changed her mind and is now accusing me of over punishing her child and she's being sulky and non communicative. I feel like I don't want to try anymore after seeing this side to her but feel like I have to as our children seem to be friends again although I know the bullying is more than likely to start again, it always does.

I’d put my efforts into play dates with other children then and develop other friendships. I did with mine - other parents were experiencing similar issues so it helped the children to build stronger friendships. Just put it off for a bit until it settles down.

I love the admissions from the parents who realised their child was in the wrong and then apologised. It’s not possible that everyone else is always the bully and your child is always the victim ( or in the right). It also sets a great example to see adults apologising - even if it is through gritted teeth sometime.

Yes!!

Pretty much best friends for years until I finally plucked up the courage to stand up for DS. Her son has AN and she behaves in a way that he never does wrong, always someone else's fault etc. The final straw was when she, in front of me, slagged off DS because a certain situation wasn't as she or her DS expected ( i.e her son wasn't winning/wasn't the priority) and that was DS's fault. So I stood up to her and told her it upset me. I was particularly upset as actually DS is really lovely and understanding of her DS's needs so I was cross that she'd basically called him a crap friend!

We went from seeing each other several times a week, to nothing. No contact at all. Very awkward as we're part of a group of 3 friends so the other friend had a hard time too.

I hated it, so 6 months later broached the subject expecting to find the reason she'd gone NC with me was because she was upset that she'd upset me, but no, it was because I'd dared to tell her how I felt

Things are slightly better now, she's shown her true colours so I don't have much to do with her. I wouldn't regard someone who doesn't care how someone else's feelings as a friend. However we tolerate each other.

Yes several years ago at a birthday party. I arrived to collect ds (slightly early) and he was in tears (he was 9 at the time). The others had been teasing him about being in love with one of his classmates. Anyway, I said I'd take him home but the mum of the birthday boy asked if he could stay a bit more because they'd not done birthday cake candles yet. Fair enough so we stayed for that. DS then went to the loo and some of the boys followed him in and started up the teasing again.

I told them I was disappointed in their behaviour and they were old enough to know better; two of the parents told me I'd overstepped the mark. So it's fine to tease but not fine to take the telling off. Oh well.

Yes she thought I didn't tell my kid off enough...

Sorry if I don't think emotionally abusing small children is acceptable...

Taraa! Don't slam the door on your way out!

Yes- the parent of the child who pushed my 8 year old DS down the school stairs twice (culmination of months of physical and verbal abuse). He needs to be more boisterous and 'man up' apparently.

Oh and a mother who approached me after the literal play date from hell to tell me her son was in tears every night because he wasn't allowed back to my house, he used to come once a week. It was only supposed to be for a month but he hasn't been back for a year since that conversation, she hasn't spoken to me either.

Oooo yes. Maybe 4 weeks in to the first year of school. You might think a time to take everything a bit calmly, letting the new routines settle, etc. My DD’s best friend (through 2 years of kindergarten) started telling her mother that my DD was doing all sorts to her. Biting, kicking, twisting her arms. Serious stuff. Every new report earned this other kid a chocolate bikkie and tons of sympathy from her mum, so it escalated quickly. Mind you, the girls walked to and from school together arm in arm, ran to each other in the playground with squeals of joy and not a single other person witnessed anything negative between them, in a highly supervised environment.

The mother (who I’d counted an intelligent woman, and a friend) started texting me a barrage of barely intellible accusations every day, but refused to meet up to discuss it. They got quite bizarre, including when she told me that her DD was too ‘delicate’ to play with mine, because she (the mother) hadn’t eaten enough spices during pregnancy (??) and she that she was certain the ‘attacks’ were racially motivated. From a barely 5yo. Whose parents (us) had pulled loads of strings to get them accepted into our local school.

I’ll never forget when I had to address it with my DD. She ADORED this little girl. Her tiny face as she realised I was saying that people thought she’d hurt her. It broke her for several months. She begged to be allowed to ‘fake’ apologise to make everything better.

I took the advice of more experienced parents and handed the issue over to the school. Not only did their investigation confirm the other girl was telling fibs, but they called the mother in to explain that any so-called ‘fragility’ had to be quantified with a GP report so the school could ensure a care plan was in place. She soon retracted that as well.

I never could fully forgive that mother for ruining our first months of school, and lashing out at us. I was perfectly civil thereafter, but the favours dried up very abruptly from our side. She never apologised, and made her DH go 45 minutes out of his way so she could avoid the school pickup for the rest of primary school. Her DH, on the other hand, apologised every time he saw me, for years!

I never believed this sort of thing could have happened, so quickly and stressfully, over so little. Now I’m wiser. At the first hint of trouble I pull in parents, teachers, the kids and deal with it ASAP. No more tattling, gossip, passive-aggressive texts. Straight to the source (kids) and the experts (teachers).

It is very difficult. Takes you back to school yourself as well.

If she's gone uncommunicative you just have to ride it out - communicate when you have to, perfectly friendly but no effort on your side. You are right about the playdates. Hopefully the friendship will change anyway.

Yes. After months of putting up with her child bullying mine and being very rude to me I had had enough. I told the other child off and we fell out over it. No loss to me as she was a complete user. My life has been much less stressful since I cut her out.

Yes . Going through this at the moment but honestly am not worried about it at all. We are just ignoring each other. Sad but that's life.

Lesson well learnt though and I won't let that happen again.

Yep, a group of kids were hitting my DD and I was apoplectic the deputy head still avoids me when I went up to school to deal with it. I'm usually quite mild mannered, so this new side of me was unexpected I think. One parent was very brave - she brought her child to my door that same night, made them apologise to me and DD, they'd made a handmade sorry card, and the kids shook hands. Brilliant. I thought that was such a great way to deal with it, and sent her a wee message later that night to thank her, and tell her how much we both appreciated how she'd dealt with it. Kids and that Mum and I are absolutely fine now.
Other mother sent me a now hilarious, but at the time it didn't help the rage message outlining the legal action she'd be taking as I had slandered her child! Despite said child admitting he'd been involved. Needless to say, she (mostly) ignores me or makes the odd snide comment when I pass. I smile and walk on past, content in the knowledge she's an idiot, and will always be so! I find ignoring these disputes to be the best way if you can. Obviously deal with the bullying/issue at hand, but ignore the fallout with the parents if you can, I know it's not easy, but go high when they go low. Or be the bigger bitch - I'm not sure which advice I'm giving today!!

Mookatron that's good advice thanks.

Oh yes!

My DD was in year 3 & being bullied by her ex best friend, I did as advised & went through school & took all their advice & strategies...which is fine but only if both set of parents are on board!

Even though her DD admitted in front of her that she'd been bullying mine for weeks, she turned it the very next day to, it was my DD... then the campaign started!

It came to a head when I was alerted by other parents that she had put a FB rant on about my DD, calling her the vilest names imaginable, all her cronies (who'd never met me or my DD) saying to attack DD as she left school to "see how she's likes it" & other actually, unbelievable comments! She was actually unhinged!

We withdrew my DD & her sister that day, best decision ever.

All I'll say is her DD is now 15 & turned into EXACTLY the girl I thought she would...as did mine😉

Yes, I do. There were two boys that bullied my son. The family, of one of the boys, still live in the same street.

Their child would bully mine; including: hitting, punching, biting! As evidenced on one of those crappy Nokia phones (that were all the rage, back then).

Showed pictures to the school, not interested.

He, and the other child, also pushed my child into the river. School were still turning a blind eye. Took it to the board of governors- they said my son was too sensitive and he could have made the marks on his back himself. They kept asking whether the other boys had used racist language towards my son. No, they hadn't. It seemed like if the other boys had, the school would have acted swiftly, or, at least, taken things seriously; which was unfair.

Final straw- the other boy set about on my son. The father ran out of the house, threatened to hit my son. A relatively new family who had moved in opposite, had seen the commotion. The father ran out and confronted bully boy's dad. The police were called and the guy from the HA was called. The father was given a caution, by the police and HA.

It's worth noting that when the second boy was being bullied in secondary school, my son was there to stick up for him. When I mentioned karma; I was schooled by my son on how two wrongs don't make a right.

My son is now early 20s, 6ft 3, whereas the kids in question don't seem to have changed a lot, or grown.

My son still says hi to the parents and child.

Yes.

She was, I thought, a very good friend of mine for years. But she handled a situation (caused by her son lying) really badly (gathered mutual friends onside, played the victim, played me, just a lot of bitterness and, I’ve since been told, hate on her part). I no longer have anything to do with those she brought onside either.

Seeing her true colours, hearing what she said about me and my family, I am sad for the loss of the friendship but she isnt someone I would ever trust again. It’s incredibly awkward when I bump into her.

The children are still friends.

Thanks all. I think these things are hard because you naturally want to defend your own kid. I never wanted us to fall out but I guess sometimes it's unavoidable.