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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about DS having an X box

19 replies

Biscuitsneeded · 01/11/2018 21:45

Ds is 13, will be 14 in March. He desperately wants an X box for Christmas, is happy with second hand if we can't afford new. He does have a very old and out-of-date one, which we bought very cheaply, and he says it's no good and the games aren't what anyone else is playing. I'm not at all a fan of screens but I do understand that he wants to fit in and play games with his friends. DP, however, feels strongly that he doesn't want DS to have one because he thinks we will have horrendous battles to get him off it and it will cause problems with DS 2. DS does have a laptop which he can use to play some games but for whatever reason he really wants an x box.

For context, DS 1 is a very busy kid who has extra curricular activities almost every evening (his choice) and spends a lot of the weekend out of the house pursuing his hobby which is creative and sociable. So even if he had an X box he would hardly be on it all hours of the day and night. The worry is DS 2 who has fewer hobbies and something of an addictive personality. He would sit at his computer for hours playing games if not prevented. But that's not DS1's fault. I think it's unfair to withhold something just because of his brother's issues, although I do see that allowing one into the home would open a new can of worms we have hitherto avoided. DP says I am being manipulated as I used to agree with him that I didn't want any more screens in the house. But I think it's not actually an unreasonable request from a nearly 14 year old boy who just wants to fit in with what his peers are doing. AIBU?

OP posts:
2ducks2ducklings · 01/11/2018 21:53

I understand your feelings towards the Xbox. It is a continuing source of arguments between my husband and our son who, much like your ds2, has an addictive personality. We have to work hard to try to maintain a calm compromise with the use of it.
However, I really, really don't think it's fair for your ds1 to do without on the basis of his brothers personality. If it's ds1's computer, his brother isn't automatically entitled to go on it.
I think it wouldn't be unfair to deny your son what he's asked for in this situation.

2ducks2ducklings · 01/11/2018 21:53

Sorry, should say 'would be unfair'

hillhouse92 · 01/11/2018 21:56

You are the parent OP. You unplug it and lock it away when you don’t want it to be used. Simple as that.

Allthewaves · 01/11/2018 21:58

Buy it and set the rules. Not fair to deprive ds1 because of ds2

chipsnmayo · 01/11/2018 22:03

No you are not BU, I know a lot of teenagers have xbox etc and rarely watch any TV, especially if he is out of the house of doing lots of activities it is not like he will be glued 24/7.

I think your DP has to accept that this is the way of the world now and how teens communicate / connect with friends.

And yes your right that he should not be suffering because of DS2.

Fwiw DD got a laptop at 11 because she was desperate for one as our DVD player died, she only had a cheap phone and no other electronic devices, it was only effectively used for playing games (this was in the early days of the iPad and I figured a laptop would be more useful for school etc).

Like your DS she did lots of circular activities so it was only used when she had spare time.

Rinoachicken · 01/11/2018 22:46

If he already has an old Xbox, it’s not like you are getting another screen, it’s just an upgrade.

Katedotness1963 · 01/11/2018 23:18

It’s not really a new thing though, is it? He already has one, he’d just like a newer one. I’d upgrade if I could.

Loubielouslonglegs · 01/11/2018 23:25

Don't be that parent that denies their kids OP - I.E not allowing them the latest thing - surely that's what Christmas is about? without going overboard.

Loubielouslonglegs · 01/11/2018 23:27

Rinoachicken Thu 01-Nov-18 22:46:10
If he already has an old Xbox, it’s not like you are getting another screen, it’s just an upgrade.

an upgrade that most old xbox's wont support - doh

brizzledrizzle · 01/11/2018 23:37

Let him have an xbox and set parental controls, it's easy to limit the time on it.

RebelWitchFace · 01/11/2018 23:43

I get where your DH is coming from, avoiding conflict altogether is better in his eyes.
However your son shouldn't miss out simply because of how his brother is. It's not his fault and he sounds like a sensible ,outgoing,busy kid.
I think he should have it and reinforce the idea that it's his and also set strict boundaries as to when it can be used and how.

Tbh PP is right,there already is one in the house so you're not really introduce something new.

Biscuitsneeded · 02/11/2018 08:40

Well there is one in the house but it hasn't been used in a very long time because of being so out of date. If we get one that purely belongs to DS1, we can make clear to DS 2 that it isn't for his use except on occasions when his brother invites him, but it doesn't seem fair to allow it for one child and not for the other. Maybe we could say he has to wait until he is also 13. Seems tough though.

OP posts:
ProfessorMoody · 02/11/2018 09:00

Just parent them?

Adversecamber22 · 02/11/2018 09:12

Long time gamer here and have gamed with many people on console, a minority have had what I consider a true gaming addiction. Boasting of and also I have seen them on console for 12 hour plus stretches many times. It's correct to be worried about DS 2 and his addictive personality but it would be unfair to deprive your other DS.

Set firm boundaries and also look in to how to assist dc with addictive behaviours generally because I assume they don't go away and can lead to big problems in later life.

RebelWitchFace · 02/11/2018 09:15

Not unfair since it's specifically DD1's xmas gift that HE asked for. You wouldn't allow free reign to DS2 on other gifts like a phone,bike etc that DS1 got would you?
It would be different if it was an xbox for the household and had different rules for each kid.

bsbabas · 02/11/2018 16:29

If your kids love gaming then they love gaming. I have an xbox 360 for retro games and an xbox one. Gaming is going to be young adults pastime more and more. Also xbox one has apps like netflix and Spotify. Its basically a computer with a controller. The kinect is fun virtual bowling and voice activation. Just be careful with the horror games they are absolutely terrifying .

Believeitornot · 02/11/2018 16:33

Just parent them

^this

My ds is the sort who battles about coming off the screens. However we’ve got clear and consistent rules about when he’s allowed to play on them and when to come off.

Yes we have the odd battle and at the start he pushed the boundaries but as he knows we will follow through in terms of consequences. But that’s part of learning.

We keep screen time short (no more than an hour) and ensure we turn it off at a reasonable time eg not mid a game of fortnite when you can’t save a game! This works much better than a blanket expectation of obedience.

I see myself as teaching ds and dd about regulation. That means giving them things and having limits, not restricting it then when they can have it as adults they have no clue about limiting their time!

Biscuitsneeded · 03/11/2018 10:09

Thanks, you have all confirmed my thinking. Now I just need to try again to persuade my partner.
And yes I do parent my children properly, for the avoidance of doubt!

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 03/11/2018 10:38

Actually, I think I would let your DH take this decision. Yes, its an unpopular one, but what he is wanting is for dc2 to develop wider interests, and for dc1 to keep doing so. I think I could back him for that. Its taking the long view - what is in their longer term best interests?

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