To be going backwards and forwards on this??

[DamnWhyAreAllTheUsernamesTaken]

Ok, so I’ve always struggled with anxiety, stress and panic attacks, but at a fairly manageable level with decent coping mechanisms and it hasn’t stopped me from doing anything. However, recently I seem to have been struggling more and getting down quite a bit - the only way I can describe it is like being stuck in a pool and being really heavy and just can’t pull myself out. Not everyday but very easily triggered by minor things, very teary and so anxious about ridiculous things like death, the end of the world, wars, continue the over-dramatic theme. Every time I have a phase like this (lasts a few days) I’m ready to go to the doctors or see a therapist or something but then I’ll come round a bit, and think no I’m fine I don’t need it and don’t want to waste anyone’s time. But today I’ve had a bad day and feeling a bit hopeless - AIBU to wonder what to do for the best here? I don’t want to go all guns blazing with medication/therapy/etc if I don’t need it, but can’t carry on like this Please share your experiences and wisdom!

Why not keep a diary so you can take it to the GP and show how often you are feeling like this and how long it lasts for?

Have you been through a lot of stress recently?

That’s a good idea @chocolateworshipper, thank you.

I have a fairly new job that’s quite demanding, and lost a close family member last Christmas and it’s coming round to that time of year again - that’s all I can think of that could be upsetting the balance though.

I find anniversaries of bad things very hard - so you're not unusual. I would also suggest reading a book called "Depressive illness - the curse of the strong" by Tim Cantopher. I have a feeling that you tend to play down how stressful things have been, because you think you "should" be able to copy. The book may help you understand that there's nothing strange about you, and also that if you do have depression - it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Honestly I empathise as I suffer with anxiety as well that I have self-managed (or attempted to) for years. It's bloody hard and it takes strength. Just last year, I got to a point where I was really struggling to keep it under control and I felt I couldn't keep fighting. I went to the doctors and was prescribed sertraline. I had always been very anti-meds for myself as I thought I should be able to cope and I didn't want to be that person who needs medication. However it was honestly the best thing I ever did. The first couple of weeks are tough but after that it was just like a weight was lifted. I didn't have to try and keep my thoughts and emotions in check, they just were. It took an immense amount of pressure off my shoulders not having to fight or even think about fighting. It was just under control. I felt (for lack of a better word) normal).

I actually only took them for a short while as I fell pregnant and have chosen not to take them during pregnancy (though many women do). However, I would not hesitate to go back on them if I felt I needed to in the future.

Medication isn't right for everyone of course but I just wanted to reassure you that it is absolutely okay to need that help in order to cope and not to write it off completely.

Good luck moving forward x

Oh and also I too, when in a bad place would be absolutely set on a GP appointment and sorting myself out but then as soon as the worst passed, I'd convince myself I didn't need it.

I pushed myself to make an appointment and went anyway. The GP could see that I was struggling and for her to just listen was a relief let alone the peace of mind the medication bought.

I think those lines of thought are very common because we all believe we should be able to cope and get ourselves in check!

Yes it’s weird, it’s not like I’m consciously upset about it - we have some nice things planned for the Christmas period to keep busy, there’s no sense of dread just a strange looming sensation and every now and again it hits you like a tonne of bricks.

Thanks for the recommendation, I will definitely order it!

Yes I get a lot of thoughts along the lines of ‘you have a great life and are lucky in so many ways so stop being down all the time because there’s nothing to be sad about’ and then end up frustrated!! The mind truly is a fascinating thing.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it - it feels good to get it off my chest!

@beccii161016 thanks for replying, it’s encouraging to hear that you had a good experience with medication as it does seem like a scary prospect but to be honest might be what I need. Glad you are feeling better x