To ask how I can cope with extreme stress?

[pyjamapyjama]

I feel like I'm really really not coping lately. I have an almost 2 year old, am in my honours year at uni and work almost full time. I've moved out of my mum's house to a private let as I couldn't get a council flat despite trying for so long, I was always way down the list. So because of that, I'm paying a really high rent, and money is very very tight.

My job is stressful, I'm constantly worried I'll be disciplined/sacked if I don't hit sales targets (luckily I do each month but it's always at the back of my mind and worrying me - I'm the only female on the staff and sometimes feel as if they don't think I'm as capable) , and the workload for this year at uni is just insane. I knew that it would be, but I am really struggling. I'm barely sleeping because I'm up late every night (sometimes til 2am) doing coursework and then back up at 6.

I'm going through tests with my DS for hearing problems - according to the HV he hasn't progressed other than gross motor skills for the last 7 months. He's learned several words on different occasions and then forgotten them as quickly as he learned them when he gets an ear infection and his hearing goes funny (which he's had 8 of in the last year). He's now back to just whispering "hiya" or "daddy" and nothing else.

I've been through difficult times in my life before but I've never ever felt this awful, I've had panic attacks, heart palpitations and I'm constantly feeling anxious - about money, my workload, my son's hearing/development issues, I'm so so stressed out. I'm also functioning on large amounts of caffeine so that can't be helping.

I've been to the doctors several times in the last few months about it and I feel as though I'm not being taken seriously, I was prescribed beta blockers but I honestly don't see a difference, in fact I feel worse. I've moved my son and I to the doctor's surgery across the road from us so from the 7th we'll be fully registered and I can hopefully see a better GP there, but I don't know, I just needed to rant and get it all off my chest. Thank you if you got this far through my ramblings, any advice on how to cope with the stress or some reassurance from someone who's been in a similar situation would be fantastic. I wish so much that I could go back and take this time for DS and I and gone back to uni when he was at school, but I had a place and had deffered a year already when I was pregnant, so I thought, yes I can do that, and last year I thrived, but this year? It's just too much

is it too late to defer the university place or postpone / pause the course? You sound extremely sleep deprived.

The lecturers have said that we can delay the 4th year for a year and go back to it next September, but I feel like I'll just be postponing the inevitable stress... Plus without my student loan I can't pay my rent so it's a vicious circle x

That does seem really hard. Sorry to not be able to give more advice. Realistically there are only so many hours in the day (and night!). Can you go back to your mum’s and pay less rent so reduce your working hours or is that not an option?

I can do that in March when my lease is up yes! My mum did suggest it last night when we spoke about money etc. I think I might do that and just keep my furniture in storage for a little while, we'd be cramped back at mum's but I was so much happier there than I am now

Trust me on this one and ditch the caffeine, it can cause all of those symptoms and make stress worse. I know it feels like it helps you get through, that its helping you function - but it isnt.

Does your uni offer any help? For instance: Hardship loans or grants, subsidised childcare that might be cheaper than your current childcare, free counselling to help you manage mentally? Take any and all help your uni can offer you.

Sounds like a good idea to ditch the rental and move back in with mum as soon as you can.

Re: your job. Google impostor syndrome. You are meeting your targets consistently, and you will continue to do so. You clearly must be skilled at your job and have a talent for sales. Even if the absolute worst happened and you lost your job, your skills are in demand and you will find a new one.

Is this your 4th and final year? If so, can you arrange to do it part time, taking this year and next to complete it at a slower pace? I appreciate you'll have a newborn added into the mix.

I really hope some of these suggestions might help you, you have taken on a hell of a lot, when you pull through all this (and you will) you can marvel at your own strength from the other side.

Heart palpitations might be the caffeine. DH gets them quite bad and it was all down to coffee (he drank quite a bit for years but even a small amount extra now, and he gets them back).

Definitely get back to the GP too. They might be able to get you on different medication and if things improve when you move back in with your mum, then you can reduce if needed then.

Could your course be part time instead of full time? Would this enable you to keep the student finance? If you could do the last year over two years, then you'd be finishing at the same time as if you deferred, but would reduce your weekly work load and leave more time for appointments with your DS. I really would talk to student support services at your uni and see what they can suggest too.

I might do that and just keep my furniture in storage for a little while, we'd be cramped back at mum's but I was so much happier there than I am now

If your relationship is good with your mum and she's happy to have you back, that's where I'd go. I'm not surprised you're stressed. You have a lot on your plate.