Toxic MIL regarding dc birthday

[StressedToTheMaxx]

Mil to be expects to see our son on his birthday/ Xmas day.
That in itself would be fine as we do an open house type thing at dcs birthdays for anyone to visit that day. And at Xmas we are happy to visit family.
But there is huge back story with mil.

I am not welcome in her house and she is not welcome in ours- some of the many reasons further down
So the issue is df and I want to spend the full day with ds and not have to act like a separated couple sharing a child.
Ex and i share my older dds special days etc...... Only right dd has 2 parents.
We don't want to be separated as we are a unit. Why should we have to. But every event we have the text of "can you bring him up" and we are the bad guys and a barrage of abuse is flung at us.

Backstory

My mil-to-be I am pretty sure is a narcissist.
•She has hates me as I have a child from a previous relationship.

•Dp moved into my fully furnished flat and she called me a gold digger because I expected him to pay his way in my home/our home. She wanted him to live with me free and still pay towards her house
-even though she has never had a job a day in her life-

•Df took dc to see her on our sons first birthday without me and she text me abuse afterwards saying I was controlling as they only stayed for 2 hours. - I was at home by myself

•She tired to jump over my son in his pram to attack me when I pointed out many of her lies.

•She laughed when we miscarried as I couldn't trap her son properly. We planned the baby. this incident alone I will never forgive not that she thinks she did anything wrong.

•She always make herself the victim no matter what happens and twists everything to suit her own story of what happened.

•If she doesn't get her own way is high drama situations and a total nightmare for all....until She gets her way. And an apology.

•Fil and sil live with her and side with her on everything.(Df used to be on her side until he finally seen her true colours. )

•She only contacts when she wants something. And it's more of a demand than an asked and it's always to do as I don't exist to her.

If you made it through that thank you

So is there a way to stop the guilt trip text etc or AWBU for wanting to spend the full day together without splitting up.

Sounds like your df does facilitate her seeing your dc, however it’s xmas day and your dc birthday, so to me that day is yours. Your df can take your dc to see your mil Boxing Day if he needs to.

Nope. Response ‘if we’d miscarried ds like you’d prefer happened there wouldn’t be a birthday, so why don’t you pretend that’s what happened and no need for birthday visits.’

She sounds awful.

To echo pp, no way would she have access to either of my dc. Why does she get to see your dd who is no relation? Do you imagine she won’t play her stupid fucking games with your dc eventually? Or make foul comments to them? Just no, she wouldn’t be seeing them at all, ever.

Thanks everyone.
Had a chat with DF he pretty much stated what a previous poster said.
"She can demand all she wants but realistically it's not going to happen her way. We make the decisions. End of"

I was starting to think I was just holding grudges to be mean.
Which, being honest, I do hate the woman-and I don't think I have ever really hated anyone I know- but I also feel she is the worst example of what a person should be. At least I know we are both on the same page.

I also don't understand why your dp takes children to see such a woman, whoever she is.
Under no circumstances would she come anywhere near my kids, dp can go on his own if he wants to visit.
Tell your dp you don't want her anywhere near your family.

From the outside looking in, she has been emotionally abusive his whole like.
When we had ds and stopped contact, she told df that she could only has a few years left to live because of her 'heart and bowel condition'....not that it's sever enough to be medicated at all.
She has a way of making them feel so guilty. Or She did.
Now df lets her see him few and far between. He stand up the her all the time. But there is just some hold over him that keeps him talking ds back.
And when he goes alone he get a hard time for not taking ds.

I wouldn't let my children anywhere near her any time of the year. She's vile. To be horrible about a miscarriage is so low. I couldn't get over that and I'm surprised your DF could.