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AIBU?

To re gift / sell 'gifts'

25 replies

namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:11

NOT TO BE USED BY DAILY MAIL OR anyone except NET MUM

Since I was pregnant with DD, PIL's have bought 'gifts' it's either stuff in sale or just stuff we can't use for e.g when pregnant they bought winter clothes that would fit her in mid summer like full on furry snow suits because it was in the sale and not just 1 but 3! Recently they bought her a load of stuff of everything's a fiver (it's obvious) for example, size 11 and 14 shoes even with a mini heel (how cute) she's a size 7! When I was pregnant they got her 4 LARGE teddies bigger than the size of her now and she's 2 ( I hate teddies ) so told MIL please stop buying teddies as no were to put them, so what did she get for her birthday ? A teddy what did she get last Christmas ? A teddy and a jumper size 5-6!

AIBU to sell/re gift the items ? Iv already given the teddies to family, FIL bought some shoes for her they were probably £30, 'nice' shoes to some people but not something I'd not put on a toddler.

I feel guilty when I get rid of stuff but it's all rubbish, when they come round on the VERY rare occasion they constantly ask about the stuff they bought 'does she wear this' and 'does she play with that'

They never ask what she wants or needs or for suggestions!

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peachypetite · 01/11/2018 18:16

Give it back and say it doesn't fit her. How will they get the message otherwise?

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:19

@peachypetite they would say 'she will grow into it' then ask every month if it fits her, been through that one already 🤪

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SandAndSea · 01/11/2018 18:21

Personally, I think it's fine to move things on. Why fill your house with clutter? No need to make a big thing of it; we all know kids grow out of things and space is limited. I would also get your DH to ask them if they'd like some present ideas.

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NonaGrey · 01/11/2018 18:23

Be honest. “It was very kind of you but they weren’t suitable/too big etc”

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:25

@SandAndSea I don't think anything would change without us falling out with them tbh, we have told them multiple times, buy her a pair of converse, but her a next gift voucher, books etc, never happens, I wouldn't mind but some time they spend £40+ on everything's a fiver !! They could buy her something so lovely for half that price.

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:26

It's actually HILARIOUS, because writing this has made me remember there's a box of stuff in the attic that still wouldn't even fit her now ahhh!

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EvaHarknessRose · 01/11/2018 18:28

Take a picture of her in everything, send it to them, then pass it on. Maybe they will eventually click that they are giving useless stuff, but at least you look grateful! They probably waste all their money like this.

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SandAndSea · 01/11/2018 18:31

@namechange9681 - If you've tried to tell them and it hasn't worked, I would get DH to offer some present ideas and then leave it there. Whatever happens, say thank you for any presents given, as normal. Then clutter clear any you can't use. You can't control them and neither should they try to control you. I would just go about your business and give it as little attention as possible - no need for any drama. (It won't be long before DC is telling them herself.)

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Pinkprincess1978 · 01/11/2018 18:34

At least the clothes could be grown into - my mil used to forever buy clothes a little bit too small or would only just fit so they wouldn't get much wear - then take tags off before given them so I couldn't return for a bigger size 🤨

The worst was she bought a 'traditional' national dress home from holiday. You could see it would be to small. She even said she new it would be to small but she said it was that or one that would fit me! Surely then you don't waste your money? Dd squeezes into it (it was stretchy) but within 30 mins the seems were coming apart 😂

In answer to your question, regift, resell or when you can return and exchange for more suitable items.

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:37

@SandAndSea they have an older GS 5 hours away, he doesn't get asked gets the same rubbish.

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:38

@Pinkprincess1978 oh gosh! I feel for you haha

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IggyAce · 01/11/2018 18:39

Honestly sounds a bit like my DM, she buys stuff because it’s on sale. My dcs are older and my dd went shopping with her the other week and chose her Xmas gift, I have took DM shopping and picked gifts too. It’s do that or they get something they hate/won’t use that I will donate to charity.
However she still buys things she thinks are a bargain with hit and miss results. Once she got ds a pair of m&s school trousers for £2.50, fab. However she got my year 6 dd gingham school dresses for a similar price, it was an epic fail and my dd told her thanks but no thanks and refused to take them. At 11 she was too cool for those.

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Redglitter · 01/11/2018 18:40

NOT TO BE USED BY DAILY MAIL OR anyone except NET MUM

You do realise that won't make a blind bit of difference if they decide to use it

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WhereYouLeftIt · 01/11/2018 18:45

"they would say 'she will grow into it' then ask every month if it fits her, been through that one already "
Then I would be blunt. Tell them you don't have space for all the crap things that are too big for her and tell them that they should keep it at their house until she's big enough. Be firm. "No, we don't have space for things that can't be used, you need to keep it at yours until it fits." Maybe when their house fills up with crap unwanted gifts, they'll get the message.

Likewise with toys. They need to keep them at their house for her to play with there, there is not the space for them here.

If they refuse to keep them at their house, then I'd make it plain I wouldn't be keeping it in mine. "I don't have the space so if you don't keep it at yours them I'm afraid I'll have to pass it to the charity shop." And when they "then ask every month if it fits her" yet, reiterate that you do not have space for unwearable clothes and you gave it to X charity shop.

Don't worry about falling out with them.

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 18:49

@WerewolfNumber1 my DH told his mum anymore teddies would going charity shop last Christmas, she's had 2 since. Nothing works 😩 oh well I will just have to keep re gifting and taking to charity shops, I take one pic of her using/wearing it in case they ask 😂

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SandAndSea · 01/11/2018 18:58

OP, is it possible that you're giving them mixed messages? Is it possible that they think you like their presents and so see no need to change what they do? Maybe you and DH need to be clearer? (Gentle but clear.)

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 19:28

Last Christmas MIL bought her a teddy and jumper as I said, she told us before Christmas, my DH told her we don't want any more crap in the house so no more please and she said she had to be equal with other GD so we said get her some converse. She never got anything else just the teddy and jumper ....

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Drummingisfun · 01/11/2018 19:37

My mil does the random clothes because they are on sale thing. We've had sooooo many things that have never been worn because they are too small when bought or fit at the wrong time (think flimsy summer dresses that fit in the depths of winter). We've asked her not to and she ignores us.

Last xmas we went to theirs abroad. We asked them not to get 'stuff' gifts for dc as they'd got them an annual membership to a kids attraction, and we had already done xmas, santa etc at home. They bought lots of stuff. Stuff didn't fit in our luggage. We left all the stuff behind at their house.
Luckily the dc are too little to remember that they unwrapped these things that they've never seen again!

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namechange9681 · 01/11/2018 19:45

@Drummingisfun it's just silly isn't it, I really can't understand why they like to waste money. Why not just ask and buy something u know they will want/need? 😩

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LipstickHandbagCoffee · 01/11/2018 19:47

I regift items I don’t like/need.i put a post it note in item noting who gave me it
So I don’t inadvertently give it back to the gift giver

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E20mom · 01/11/2018 19:48

My In laws do the same. I just smaile and say thanks very much and then put the stuff straight in the charity bag.

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E20mom · 01/11/2018 19:49

*smile

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Pebblesandfriends · 01/11/2018 19:52

Absolutely sell it or regift. None of their business. They gifted it, you said thanks, it wasn't used, what else are you going to do with it, keep it? You could charity shop it but if it's not been used save yourself some pennies. I see no problems at all with this.

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GreenDinosaur · 01/11/2018 20:36

I feel your pain OP, every year we have a massive bag of crap gifts to get rid of after Christmas, almost all from MIL.
Last year we took her with us to Toys R Us and pointed out some stuff that would actually be useful to DS that she could buy. She bought it and was happy but come Christmas there's a million other random bits as well that she's picked up from sales and car boots that we "too good to leave".
It's such a waste of time, money and wrapping paper.

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Pinkprincess1978 · 01/11/2018 21:13

It's the waste of money that gets me too.

When my dd was younger and I had a say over what she wore (those days are long since gone 😂) she always wore one colour and one colour only (or variations and shades of that colour). I know not everyone agrees but I was dressing them and enjoyed choosing their clothes and I just love a certain colour.

One time we were visiting in laws and dd got her top wet or dirty or something and I didn't have a spare. Mil said she will get her the Easter outfit she had bought. She came down with a green T-shirt.

I wasn't very discreet at my displeasure which didn't go down well (my in laws didn't agree in my only dressing dd in the same colour all the time). I had to point out that as I choose what she wears each day I'm not going to choose to put her in something I don't like to therefore she was basically throwing her money down the drain - she might as well just give the money to the charity shop as that is where they end up.

I think this is when the cutting off tags might have started actually 😂

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