To think you can envy a friend but not wish them ill?

[EilaLila]

Brief background: best friend since nursery school and I have been single for some time. She has been actively looking but I have not due to various reasons but I would like to meet someone one day. My best friend is genuinely lovely; kind, generous and has been there through thick and thin.

Best friend has recently met a great guy. Things are looking serious, he might move in and gets on well with her DC. She’s been unhappy for a while and I’m pleased to see her much happier. At the same time, I feel a stab of longing and wish my personal circumstances were different so I could meet someone who makes me happy. Our friendship hasn’t really changed, so I don’t feel jealous, as such, but I am envious because I would like it too.

I was chatting about it to a colleague who was surprised and implied I wished my best friend was not in a happy relationship. AIBU? I would never ever want my friend to end her relationship if she’s happy nor do I feel our friendship is threatened. I would love, love for the same happiness and love for myself though.

I don't think it's jealousy because you're happy for her. You just wish you could find someone too. That's fair enough. It's only a problem if you start wishing her ill & that's not the case.
Ask her if he can set you up with a friend!

Of course. Two of my closest friends are loaded, neither have to work, both have cleaners, and just generally have lovely lives, with daily gym visits, etc.

I work FT and still can't afford a cleaner!

I'm envious of their lifestyle, but there's not a single part of me that wishes things were any different for them. They're lovely people, and they have lucky lives. I'm glad for them.

Well if this is you wishing her ill, then thousands of others have done similar too! No, you haven’t at all, I refer to it as Me Too, because you are happy for them and their lifestyle so much you wish it could be me too, and I think that’s perfectly natural to feel like that.

There is a massive difference between jealousy and envy - OP.

You arent doing anything wrong here

I think what you are feeling is completely normal OP.

Thanks, I’m quite relieved. I was worried I was being horrible and I do truly value this friendship and hate to jeopardise it.

I have these feelings occasionally. My sister has awesome hair and mine is a bird’s nest and I am envious but I don’t wish she had my unruly locks to deal with every day, I just wish my hair was nicer.

Part of the definition of envy and jealousy is 'to have a resentful longing' for something the other person possesses. So you are not technically 'envious' or 'jealous' because you do not resent your friends happiness you simply 'covet' (yearn to possess) a relationship like your friends.

;)