How would you stop this?

[tiggerkid]

I have a friend from uni and we've stayed in touch since uni. It's been over 20 years now. She lives in a different country, so we don't really have a lot of opportunities to catch up, talk, go out for drinks etc. In a way, I often think we are keeping in touch almost out of habit now rather than having a lot in common. Technology, of course, made staying in touch a lot easier than it would have been before.

Now my question: this friend of mine really likes some boy bands that I probably may have liked 30 years ago. There is nothing wrong with that but I am well past it now and just no interested. However I don't judge her for her interest in them. All would be fine if she didn't keep sending me daily texts with articles, photos, youtube videos, twitter feeds and God knows what other things about her favourite bands. She digs up every detail of each of the singers in her favourite bands and keeps sending them to me.

I open her texts and, of course, never bother reading or watching anything she sends me. I've even told her about it once already but she just continues. I feel rude not to reply but, frankly, even that aside, I am getting really fed up with this continued stream of what I see as nonsense. I've asked her to stop sending the stuff to me as I have no interest in these bands but she continues.

Any ideas on what else I can do without blocking her or cutting her off completely?

Is she on Facebook?

That's how I stay in touch with people like that. So, she can share all that stuff on her timeline and you can just ignore it.

Is she on Facebook?

She is on FB and I notice that she is doing the same there and, actually, none of her FB friends react to any of that either. I definitely ignore those posts on FB but she has my phone number and I just can't seem to stop her texts despite telling her openly I am not interested in her favourite bands.

I am struggling to find a way to stop it without cutting all contact with her.

I think you have to just not respond to the annoying texts. Keep in touch with relevant news and ignore the rest.

Maybe after a week or so reply once with, ‘Thanks for thinking of me again but as I mentioned, I’m not following x or y any more. Let me know how your goes, I enjoy hearing your updates on that stuff.’

If you really don’t have much interest in any of her life just stop responding at all I guess especially if she still doesn’t get the hint.

“I love you but the constant stream of texts about boy bands is driving me insane. If you don’t stop I’m going to have to block your number”

And then carry out your threat.

If you really don’t have much interest in any of her life

The funny thing is I once tried having an open and honest conversation with her on this very topic. I am interested in her life but she is very evasive when it comes to it and doesn't really want to share anything at all. She does want to know everything about me though! That's always been the case even when we were at uni. She always wanted to know everything about me and our other friends but never wanted to talk about herself.

She doesn't have a relationship or kids and I appreciate she has to live her life through her interests but I once even openly said to her that it's very hard to have a relationship with her because she never really opens up to anyone and it's not that easy to sustain even friendships based on superficial interests, especially when they are not mutual.

She agreed with me but continues doing what she is doing.

I feel bad about stopping all contact because I already did it once when we were in our 20s. Funny enough for precisely the same reason now. When we reconnected, I was hoping everything changed. She told me how bad she felt not being able to stay in touch etc, etc... but now it's all back to square one as if nothing ever happened and nothing changed!

Have you actually said to her “please don’t send me these texts” or have you just said you are not interested in the band.

For most people saying you are not interested in the band would be sufficient hint, but sounds like she is a bit thick skinned.

Sorry missed your last post.

If you’ve got an iPhone you can switch off text alerts for specific people. That way you don’t get the text noise but you can see them when you choose to go in (and then ignore loads I’m one go).

*in one go

If you’ve got an iPhone you can switch off text alerts for specific people.

She texts me on WhatsApp and other similar apps too!

You can mute conversations on WhatsApp too

“I love you but the constant stream of texts (& whatsapps) about boy bands is driving me insane. If you don’t stop I’m going to have to block your number

^^This

It's that simple. You asked her before. She hasn't listened. She's misusing your mobile number. You can FB messenger her if you want to catch up.

It’s interesting as to why she’s so caught up with these bands, do you think maybe they offer escapism and a bit of a fantasy from her standard life?

I had a similar experience: I used to have a friend who got quite obsessed with certain TV shows and films, and latched onto male characters in particular. She would write fan fiction online and insert herself into the story, often as a love interest. Other members of that online community would send praise which I think spurred her on, they all sort of enabled each other in their obsessions.

It wasn’t really my cup of tea but she was my friend so I didn’t mind what her interests were. Except when we met up or spoke on instant messenger she would talk about the characters constantly, or the actors who play them. At first I was polite and nodded, but it became very dull very quickly. I tried steering the conversation elsewhere but she always managed to steer it back again. In the end I quite firmly but nicely told her I wasn’t interested in talking about that character or actor (I didn’t even watch the series usually!) and could we maybe talk about other things like work etc. She understood, and occasionally if she slipped into it for too long I would make a point of changing topics and she got the message.

She later revealed to me she felt a bit unhappy generally (didn’t really have a fulfilling career, wanted to date but didn’t take action to meet people, was quite uncomfortable in her weight) and fanfiction etc made her happy, so that’s why she brought it up so much. I appreciated her being so open and tried to be a bit kinder about it with that in mind.

We grew apart in the end but I think fondly of her, I hope she’s a bit happier in her real life.

I would suggest continuing to ignore it, or reminding her you’re not really interested in that band but did she see that film, or read that book, how was work etc. Hopefully she’ll get the hint!

You need to explicitly retell her to stop filling up your phone with this shite. Probably slightly more diplomatically than this.

I have a similar uni friend who’s only posts on Facebook are ‘Share if you think I’m worth it” with a picture of a rescue dog/cat. It’s just weird.

She later revealed to me she felt a bit unhappy generally (didn’t really have a fulfilling career, wanted to date but didn’t take action to meet people, was quite uncomfortable in her weight) and fanfiction etc made her happy, so that’s why she brought it up so much.

Thank you for sharing this. I suspect it's something very similar in my friend's story. I do try to be kinder and nicer but the daily texts are just getting excessive. It really does sound like I may just need to ask her to stop more explicitly than I did in the past and see what happens.

Thank you, ladies

Ok, OP, do a gentler way would be to say
" I love you but the constant stream of texts (& whatsapps) about boy bands is driving me insane.. ... Please can you stop sending them "

That'd be explicit and kind.

I think it's best to say if someone is spamming your phone and WhatsApp. It gets very wearing otherwise & causes resentment.
I had to say same to a close family member once and I was glad I did.