Will my baby miss out on grandparents

[cpark]

To be jealous of people that have lovely grandparents for there baby, there is nothing on my side my mum is terminaly I'll my dad has never had anything to do with me since I was 4, just the odd card and weird meet up for coffee every few years were we are just polite( which is going to be harder to explain than if we just didn't see him), my husband's parents are local healthy and have no excuse really, but only seem to want to see the baby maybe once a week for about 20mins, they say how cute she is, and only want to read her a book (she's 5months) she wants to chew it more then they sigh and they leave, they don't play or tickle or cover her in kisses just all very formal, I'm so surprised I thought they would of been over all the time and offer to take her for a walk or look after her for half an hour,she is so good aswell. I'm sad that I don't think my baby will have loving grandparents, my mum is the most lovable beautiful person, and she would of bent over backwards just so sad she is so poorly and can't.
We have no other family as such, lots of friends tho will she miss out? We love her more than anything and we are going to give her the best life does it matter that she wont really have nice relanships with her grandparents?

kids/grandparents relationships can evolve and change over time, so don't worry about IL yet, my dad is rubbish with babies and toddlers, of that generation no idea what to do with a nappy, but as soon as my DD hit the precocious bossy little madam stage my dad couldn't get enough of her, thought she was the funniest thing ever, and to this day they are tight as thieves, and kids are smart too her other GF was useless mainly through ill health, and she used to just tell him he needed to go to shops with her for sweets and he did - when his physio couldn't get him out the door!

I didn't grow up seeing my grandparents regularly or having any real relationship with them (mainly due to distance but also them not being interested in children). It hasn't affected me in the slightest, I was very loved and cared for and didn't feel like I'd missed out at all.

I think you're catastrophising a bit here. Five-month-old babies are lovely, but you can't really interact with them much and not everyone is a baby person or feels comfortable having sole control of an infant. Wait a couple of years and your in laws will probably be more keen and comfortable spending time with her.
I'm really sorry about your mum. You really start to appreciate your relationship with your mum when you have a new baby, so this must be so hard, and I think your emotion around her is probably colouring your response to this.

Im sorry about your mum thats a shit deal for her and you.

No your baby wont miss out. You make your friends your family and she will thrive.

Children dont miss out on lackluster grandparents, or toxic (not in your case i know) ones. In fact sometimes its the other way around- if contact is had its frustrating or detrimental.

There’s nothing you can do about it so why even ask? Your child will be fine.

Try not to let this run away into something it's potentially not OP.

Some people need time to get to know their grandchildren and this might be the case with your inlaws, they also might be respecting the boundaries and are taking things slowly for your benefit as some new mums don't want their babies out of their sight. Give them time.

I think you are making problems where there are none. Your inlaws come over every week to see her, and they read to her which is really nice - but you thought they'd come more often and be all kissy and huggy and tickly . Sorry but not everyone is like that - she is lucky that she has people who come every week and read to her . She ( and you ) will appreciate that as time goes on.

Families are all different - you're lucky that you've got some people who love your baby. I had one grandmother - the others were all deceased before I was born. My grandmother was severely disabled and was bedridden - but once a week I went over and talked to her after school. We used to do the Pools together and play cards. She died when I was 9 but I still remember how lovely she was. Your daughter will make the best of what family she has got - don't be stressed about things which haven't happened.

I grew up with no biological grandparents on either side. Funnily enough a work colleague of my mums said that she'd always wanted to be a grandmother (never had kids of her own) and so she and her husband became my adopted grandparents. They picked me up from school, went to school plays and all. Family doesnt have to be biological 

The real bond between children and family members other than their Mum starts when they're able to interact and play together. Yes I do include fathers in that too. Love is something that grows with time.

I also feel jealous of people, whose parents are good grandparents to their kids.

My MIL has never been bothered about my son, who is the only child for us. Even for his 16th birthday, there was no phone call and no card from her. And I don't think I am asking for that much.

My dad passed away a while ago. My mother lives in a different country and, frankly, is also not that bothered about being a grandmother..

I always feel sorry for my son in that regard but I suppose that's life.

DH didn't have grandparents, his dad was abandoned at a young age and grew up in care and his mums parents died before he was born. He still had a very happy childhood and didn't know any different.

I had 3 grandparents, my mums dad died before I was born. I had a close relationship with my gran but not very close to dads parents who lived around the corner. I had a rubbish childhood but not due to the grandparent situation!

My children's grandparents are shit. My mum wasn't particularly interested, my dad used to be but is more interested in his new wife and continuing his close relationship with his grandkids obviously doesn't suit her. DHs parents play favourites and because ours are the youngest they are the last on the list. I don't tolerate shit like that so we don't see them.

I think it's nice for kids to have close relationships with other family members or friends. These family members don't have to be grandparents.

By the time I came along there was only one grandparent left. I saw her fairly regularly and she was okay, unless a particular one of my Golden Grandchild cousins was around, and then she would bill and coo over him and literally ignore me. No malice, just thoughtlessness.

So no, not having grandparents isn't the end of the world.

(Sorry about your Mum )

Once a week is a lot.

By the time DD was born she only had OH's mum as a grandparent. As she lives 150 miles away she only saw her every few weeks.

I think some people just aren't "baby people", because let's face it, babies aren't that interesting for more than a few minutes. You might find that as your DD becomes a little person with her own personality and character that your ILs might interact with her more.

Sorry to hear about your mum

My in-laws are we’re quite formal with my babies but as they got older I really appreciated it. My mum is more relaxed which is great in one way but she does put a lot of cebeebies on. When my kids are with their in-laws I know they will have a full day reading books with them, doing jigsaws; proper one to one interaction. They are quite strict with them but they benefit from this immensely. Honestly I bet they end up being great grandparents.

Nothing wrong with once a week visit, it is far more than many children would have. You are over thinking this.

Bodica - thank you

Once a week might seem alot and I sound ungrateful, it's not always Evey week, and it just seems like a box ticking excerise, they don't seem overly Keen, not here long enough for a cup of tea, I also spend alot of time in the hospital with my mum and I hoped they would help out but refuse to look after her even for half an hour so she is with me in the hospital, obv they don't have to do anything, but im just sad for her and me really that I don't seem to have a caring family only the one I'm making for myself, my husband is the best but only one person and does agree his parents are being abut odd about the whole thing, she is covered in love from me and her dad,

Thanks for all the flowers, and nice messages,

Seriously, you're over-reacting. Lots of people don't get on with babies, and you've seen on MN how many pitfalls there are trying to look after someone else's baby. If they're reading to her now, the relationship may well blossom once she's getting towards school age. A cuddly, tickly relationship now could well cool once your DD is less keen on being the recipient of cuddles.

Seeing her every week is a lot!

This is not about them this is all about your expectations of what grandparents should do

This is understandable because it’s mixed up with your mum being ill and your sadness

Don’t let that colour your other reactions though

Sorry about your mum.

What your PILs are doing sounds fine though. Seeing baby once a week is a lot amount and they will develop a nice relationship. Would you really want your PILs hanging out at your house every day?

Reading to her is nice as well. She can't understand so it doesn't matter what they do really, does it, as long as they are spending time with her. As for babysitting, they may not be comfortable having sole charge of a small baby, or they may think you wouldn't be (maybe they are on MN and read the weekly "grandparents taking over baby - help!" threads).

Our grandparents were never really involved for various reasons. We simply replaced that slightly older generation with older colleagues, friends and neighbours who adored and are still involved in the children’s lives. They relished undermining our strictness, indulged the children by watching their ‘shows’ , knitted, mended teddies and gave us perspective and were just granny like. The family relationship isn’t essential but lovely when it works.

My MIL is a lovely involved Grandma, but would not have the children on her own when they were babies as she did not feel confident - she said it had been too long since she did babies - she was fine once they were older. Your baby is very young, things may well change

Sorry about your mum.

I echo everyone else, your in laws will probably be much better when your baby will be interactive. My dad particularly is similar, no real interest in babies but loves playing elaborate counting games with my five year old. My inlaws liked my kids as babies, when they could sit on the sofa, but now they are a rather bouncy 3 and 5 year old, not that fussed. my 5 year old perpetually asks why they don’t want to do anything...

Nobody would suffer from not having grandparents. Some grandparents are lovely but loads of my friends can't even remember theirs.