To ring DS's sixth form and tell them the real reason he isn't going in?

[elevenpillows]

Hi I actually don't know the laws on this. If DS doesn't turn up at sixth form is it still seen as my fault? They request students call the absence line and not parents so I'm unsure. Just got up for a wee and DS saying he isn't going in today, he doesn't feel tired yet (he's been on bloody red bull) and he won't get through the day. I've told him to get his ass to sleep but he's saying there's no need as he would need to be up in an hour and a half and he isn't going. He's saying he's unwell.

Can I phone up and give the real reason or what? I don't want this to fall back on me. Also wtf do I do in this situation???

[hazell42]

He's a big boy. Let him sort it out himself.

[elevenpillows]

I know but does it still fall back on me if he stops going?

[SleepWarrior]

I'd assume not as he's there by choice and not a legal requirement.

[Devilishpyjamas]

Last time my sixth former wanted me to wangle a day off I told him I wasn’t going to lie for him & if school phoned I would tell them the truth. He knows I would because I dobbed him in in year 11 when he forgot his PE kit and tried to lie his way out of games. Anyway he got his arse out of bed and went in

[borntobequiet]

Tell him to phone in. They need to know if he isn’t going to be there, for a number of reasons.
If he won’t or doesn’t call in by whatever time they prefer (9 am?), you call and tell them the real reason he isn’t there.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It’s not unusual for teens to do this and miss an entire nights sleep and carry on with the day. Tbh my line would be “you’re going in” rather than “you won’t make it through the day”. Life lesson.

If he ends up not going in, absolutely call in and tell School the truth if that is what is expected. However, you say it’s the students responsibility so perhaps you could call in to check on expectations of parents.

[GnomeDePlume]

A quick Google suggests that your responsibility for getting your DD to school ends at 16.

If he doesn't go in then it is his responsibility: to phone in, to catch up on work, to deal with the fallout if there is any.

What would you hope to achieve by telling the school the real reason?

[Chottie]

Let him sort this out, including any consequences.
This is part of his journey towards becoming an adult.

[donkir]

I'd be more concerned about the red bull affecting his sleep which is obviously having a knock on affect.

[Laureline]

I’d make him go to school, he’s not sick.
And no more Red Bull.

[EdisonLightBulb]

I would also make him go in, but I always did make mine. I used the excuse "school will ring me if you are ill enough to come home". They never did, the only time they rang was when DC went to school fine and then got ill during the day. Which seemed fair.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

GnomeDePlume
In that case there is no need to ring the school.

[jeanne16]

School or further education is now compulsory to 18 in the UK, this has recently changed. So you do have some responsibility. However I would also refuse to phone and when the school contact you, wake him up to speak to them.

[Beach11]

It is a legal requirement, education or training until 18yrs. Majority of schools/colleges have education welfare officers that turn up at pupils home unannounced if absenteeism becomes an issue

[elevenpillows]

I am concerned over the red bull but he buys it himself so I don't know what I can do about that

[strawberrisc]

Is this your son?

[Laureline]

Ah, ok, he buys it himself. So he gets a little life lesson on causes and consequences by being made to go to school. Being sleep deprived for one day will not harm him.

[astuz]

I'm a teacher, and as far as I can tell at our school, the school can't legally do anything if a pupil misses school in sixth form, BUT, if a pupil persistently misses school, the school initially brings parents and pupil together for a meeting with head of sixth form and if it carries on, the student is told they have to pay their own entry fees, if it carries on after that, then the school throws them out - which is the best for them, because otherwise the school is enabling them to waste 2 years at school not actually doing anything useful, because they're going to fail everything anyway. This is all just my own school's policy though, every school will be different.

In this situation, if it's one day off, and they're never off normally, then it won't matter too much.

Personally though, I'd be doing everything to cajole him into going in - lots of students pull all nighters and just go in the next day, it can be done.

[user1471426142]

If you can, make him go in. It’ll be good practice for when he has to do all-nighters at uni. He can’t just stay up necking redbul to skive his responsibilities during the day. If he’s going to do one, he needs to also manage the other.

[SouthWestmom]

Why do people answer if they don't know?

Compulsory school age stops in the June of the school term of your 16th birthday. So, end of Y11.

Up til that point parents can be fined etc for non attendance.

After this, parents cannot be fined. However, schools will not take kindly to students dipping in and out and will need to know where they are for welfare reasons - they can't just assume someone absent is ok so will usually check. They will also start their own management of absence if it's regular (eg meeting with the student, discipline, plans to turn up on time etc)

[Tralala33]

If only sixth forms and colleges had welfare officers to send round students' houses!!

There will be no consequences for you op.

[anniehm]

No matter how tired my dd was I dropped her at school, she had a lot of mental health issues and insomnia was common, but missing school would set a precedent for the next time so I woke her up - she took herself home as I was by then at work and I didn't check up on what time but I had done my bit by then

[steppemum]

Are you sure that compulsory school age is still 16? I thought they had to be in full time education and training until 18 now?

I think that for me the basic issue would be - is this a stupid one off, he is trying it on etc.
or
Is this a pattern?

All teens will do stupid one-offs.
The time to discuss it with him is tomorrow of later, once things have calmed down. That discussion for me would be about taken responsibility for your actions. etc.
Is he playing on-line? My nearly 16 would play x-box all night long. His internet goes off at 10 on weekdays and 12 on Fir/sat. That way the biggest lure is taken away.

[SouthWestmom]

Yes, the age of participation has been raised. This means the LA has to have opportunities available to young people. It's also education or training so an apprenticeship (therefore not a school) also counts.

[SouthWestmom]

www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

www.specialeducationalneeds.co.uk/compulsory-school-age1.html

SEN page but relevant to all