Speech and language, ex making children make fun of me

[Foodarella]

Not Aibu but getting me a bit down. If anyone can help I would appreciate it. Growing up I’ve always had difficulty pronouncing certain words, letters etc. However, I may mispronounce 4/5 words a day not a lot. I think people have gotten use to it. They can easily tell what word I’m trying to say. So I’m not incoherent.

About a week a go I caught ex with my oldest DC making fun of some of the words I say. I came into the room and explained I’m not saying it wrong on purpose. I just can’t pronounce it right, I can feel my tongue getting tied when I try difficult words. Words I mispronounce are like Timothy, Craig, teeth etc. My tongue is very short, I don’t know if that makes a difference.

Now the DC mimic me and I feel horrid. Ex pretends it’s all for my benefit but he goes about correcting me rudely. I wish he’d understand I can’t help it. My oldest DC thinks it hilarious and doesn’t realise he’s actually hurting my feelings and the youngest is too young to really understand.

I’ve looked for speech and language therapist but most are just for children and the adults ones are for people who have had strokes etc.

I live in the south west if that makes any difference.

Anyone know what my condition may be, help I can get and a way to shut ex up when he puts me down about the words I mispronounce, even if everyone else ignores it, he draws me up on it and I’m starting to say less and less, I feel like I’m losing my voice.

Could you have a tongue tie? I'm exactly the same, there's some words that I just can't say. It wasn't corrected when I was a child, I eventually had a minor op on it when I was 21 but it was too late really. I can barely stick it out! I'm sorry your ex is being ignorant and vile.

I think you need to sit your children down and explain that some people have difficulties/disabilities and it is not kind to make fun of them. Same as if someone was in a wheelchair or only had one arm.

1. Give your kids a huge bollocking and tell them they are grounded until they prove to you that they are genuinely thoughtful and kind people. The test 'is it true, is it kind, is it helpful?' is a good approach - if it's none of tgem, don't say it.

1. Try a paediatric speech therapist. I say this because speech therapists work either on 'developmental' problems (usually paediatric) or on 'acquired' problems (more often though not always adult. Your issue sounds developmental (you've always had it). If that thrapist doesn't feel able to help you they should know someone who would.

How old is your eldest? Old enough to sit down and be told about how disrespectful, hurtful and rude it is to make fun of people?
Your ex though? I'd be reminding him that it never did Jonathan Ross's career any harm. and your ex is a knob of the first order

The oldest is 5. He’s extremely smart so from a young age his dad has been exposing him to a wide vocabulary, so his vocabulary and pronouciation is spot on. When my son corrects me, I swear it sounds like his dad.

My eldest DC has a tongue tie but he can pronounce every word he has come across correctly, I didn’t get it cut as he could breast feed fine.

I’m just feeling down about it, but I need to sit my kids down and let them know it hurtful. I’ve noticed I’m starting to say less and less and I’m losing my confidence all over again. I don’t really talk anymore.

Thank you guys for responding.

While I wouldn't do it, because I wouldn't want to hurt my children, I would also be tempted to ask them if the think their father is encouraging them to belittle you because he wants to make you happy or because he wants to hurt you.

But do try to find an age appropriate way of explaining the unkindness in what they are doing.

"I’ve noticed I’m starting to say less and less and I’m losing my confidence all over again."

That could get worse, if you don't tackle this in the strongest terms.

"I don’t really talk anymore."

I am so sorry you are being made to feel like this. Very sorry.

Actually, Foodarella, you don't have to talk to your Ex ever again if you don't want to.

Simply send him an email telling him you are heartily sick of him undermining you in front of your children and trying to erode your confidence, and so you have unilaterally decided that pick up/drop off will be at the door in future and all communication about the children will be by email.

Then gently explain to your children that you know they don't mean to be and you know they are simply copying their dad, but they are being rude and unkind and that they must stop it. Continually correcting people when not asked to is bad manners and makes people unhappy.

My DD has two friends with speech foibles. She would vehemently correct them for a while when she was about 5. We had a chat about how it wasn't nice to correct them like that. I'd say you have a DH problem really, he's the one creating the landscape. At 5, they are taking all their cues from their main caregivers still.

Ex! Sorry, misread there. Then explain it to your children yourself. Of course you have an ex problem, I'm betting he wouldn't be your ex otherwise!

I think the main condition you have is cuntyexitis. I would use this as an opportunity to teach your kids at an early age that it is really not nice to mock people. Once they figure out that this really upsets mummy they'll probably also join some dots and realise their dad is a prick.

Too ** Love that!

Totally agree with DeaflySilence's 22.10 post.
Nasty man.

There is a great book. " have you filled a bucket today". It gives kids a concrete way to visualise feelings. It allmsongives parents a way to frame behaviors. Are you bucket filling ( being kind and friendly) or bucket dipping ( hurting feelings or being mean). I found it helped my kids think about other people's behaviour themselves without me havibg to say " daddy is being mean" or your friend is being a twat. It helos Separates out the mum vs. Dad feelings for kids and focuses on the behaviour. Great with dodgy friendships too.

Ex is being horrible pulling the kids in like that.