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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Malicious allegation?

32 replies

Gksmith · 31/10/2018 17:17

So my daughter signed up to do the world challenge 2019 to Tanzania. World challenge is basically an adventure holiday broker that are supposed to help empower your child to earn the cost of a ‘trip of a lifetime’.
Unfortunately my daughter had to pull out of this as she is suffering with severe anorexia and would not be physically well enough to partake in the trip. Several family members gave money direct to My daughters world challenge account and several gave Her loans with which to purchase materials to try and earn extra money. I myself spend several hundred pounds.
As part of the contract world challenge kept 10% of the cost of the trip, £300, and reimbursed the rest of the money paid to me. I paid off my family that gave loans for investment and made sure that I paid off the loan I took out. There was not enough money to reiemburse everyone.
My daughter subsequently decided she wanted no more contact with her paternal family. This was unrelated and her choice, she is nearly 15 and more than capable of making these complex decisions now.
Here is where is gets complicated.
I received a phone call from the police saying that an allegation of theft has been made by My daughters paternal family! I have not been given any details but they are basically accusing me of stealing the money from them for the fundraising.
I am autistic and have been freaking out ever since. I know I have not done anything deliberately wrong and I don’t see how anyone could think that so I assume it must be a malicious allegation as they are aggrieved that my daughter has cut contact.
The grandmother came with me to the world challenge meeting. They all knew that my daughter had to pull out due to health reasons and that she was very upset about it. I had discussed in detail the possibility of financial loss with My daughters grandmother who knew She may not be well enough to partake in the trip. I am already down several hundred pounds financially from this. How can somebody give a gift to a child, family, and then accuse of theft?
It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Please help if you can or have any advice. I am really struggling here.
Thanks
Xx

OP posts:
MeanTangerine · 31/10/2018 17:21

I think you need to meet with the police and talk them through what's happened. There will be an electronic record of transactions made which will back up what you are saying.

I don't think that what has happened will meet the legal definition of theft.

I also don't think that the police or any judge will have much appetite for pursuing the autistic mother of a mentally ill child for the money, which she doesn't have.

The police have to notify you of the allegation, but I don't think anything will come of it.

LoopyLou1981 · 31/10/2018 17:28

I’m sure if you speak to the police and explain your side of it then that will be the end of it.
That said, would it not have been more logical to give everyone back the donation minus the 10% fee as opposed to paying some back all of it and others nothing?
I think I’d be a bit peeved if someone’s Mum repaid herself and not me in this situation. Although not peeved enough to think of going to the police accusing someone of theft! That’s just ridiculous!x

DanielRicciardosSmile · 31/10/2018 17:53

I'm a bit unclear on the part where you say you reimbursed your family - does that mean you paid back those related to you, but not those related to your DD's father? Or just that you paid back those who lent money, but not those who donated? How much did the paternal family lend/gift your DD?

Angrybird345 · 31/10/2018 17:57

Everyone donated, it’s not an investment at all, or do you mean loan, in that your dd had to repay them? Does sound like you prioritised your family over the paternal family but I’d guess it is a civil matter.

SillySallySingsSongs · 31/10/2018 17:59

You have 2 threads on the same thing.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/10/2018 18:00

So £300 was kept by the company. How was that divided between all the people who lent/donated? Could your DD’s paternal family feel that they have lost out to a disproportionate degree?

greenlanes · 31/10/2018 18:01

DUPLICATE THREAD

mrsm43s · 31/10/2018 18:04

Everyone should have been reimbursed their money. The 10% is for your daughter or yourself to cover. Your daughter/you are responsible for paying for anything she had bought that she now doesn't need. You can't pay yourself back in full (and presumably still keep any purchased items) whilst leaving other people out of pocket. And, sad situation though it is, they shouldn't be the ones bearing any loss, that falls to your daughter, or yourself on her behalf, if you prefer.

nikkylou · 31/10/2018 18:09

In respect to the allegations, respond the police and advise what has happened.

However your post isn't particularly clear as to where the money has gone and how much was actually returned. I can see how an accusation might surface as it's not clear where the money has gone.

Also, their money doesn't sound like a true gift. They gave it for a purpose, and that purpose is now gone, they can expect their gift returned. In fact in your post you advised family member made loans, are these the same members who are now making the accusations?

But from what I can understand from your post money wise:

The trip must be 3000, as the 10% they retain is only 300.

Assuming it was all paid, you got 2700 back.

On top of this, some family members chose to pay for stuff to help fundraise - may be baking supplies etc.

With the 2700 did you pay off everyone that lent the money for this?

As well as supplies, other members have also bought her equipment for the adventure. Was this returned to store and the money back to the owner? How much weren't you able to get back?

Essentially, did you spend more on the fundraising that you actually got back from fundraising and subsequently your refund?

And then on top of that you bought equipment, from loans, rather than making more through fundraising?

While Grandma was aware there was risk of financial loss, was she expecting you were taking that on, or did you make it clear to all involved you were asking them to take on risk as well?

While your daughter may have cut contact for unrelated reasons, that's no reason to ignore any debts. And if I read it correct, though you aren't related, there is no reason for you to ignore either.

I'd be a bit pissed too if I'd given money, then the recipient didn't complete their adventure, didn't pay me back, then go no contact, even if for unrelated reasons. Bit hard to ask a brick wall nicely either for your money back, hence I suppose, the police.

I get some money has been lost, as was the risk, but how much? You say you personally spent hundreds, did you get that back or have you lost that? If you've got it back and others have not, you should have made sure everyone else was settled up first, it's first and foremost your daughter, and so you must bear the most risk.

Donation is strange, if someone doesn't go on their fun run, I wouldn't expect to pay my fiver. But for the sake of the fiver, if I'd given it I wouldn't ask for it back. But bigger donations are more tricky, ultimately they'll have given it because your DD was going to do it. Not for the cause itself, iyswim. Now your DD isn't doing it, they don't want to give as much for the cause alone, as selfish as that sounds.

SilverySurfer · 31/10/2018 19:19

mrsm43s
Everyone should have been reimbursed their money. The 10% is for your daughter or yourself to cover. Your daughter/you are responsible for paying for anything she had bought that she now doesn't need. You can't pay yourself back in full (and presumably still keep any purchased items) whilst leaving other people out of pocket. And, sad situation though it is, they shouldn't be the ones bearing any loss, that falls to your daughter, or yourself on her behalf, if you prefer.

I agree with this.

I paid off my family that gave loans for investment and made sure that I paid off the loan I took out. There was not enough money to reimburse everyone.

YABVU and are in the wrong here. Why was only YOUR family reimbursed? It's irrelevant if your DD has gone NC with the other side of the family; they are just as entitled as your family to be refunded and you or your DD should bear the shortfall, not 'making sure' you paid back your own loan.

I hope you are made to pay the money back to the rest of those who gave loans.

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2018 19:32

Why didn't you reimburse everyone? You definitely should have done.

Caprisunorange · 31/10/2018 19:38

I think you have made some poor decisions but you must be under a huge amount of stress. In all honestly I guess all that matters right now is whether you are at risk of prosecution of a criminal act and I very much doubt it. Meet the police (ask for a solicitor) and see what they say

RustyParker · 31/10/2018 19:47

You've forgotten about some of the refund being swallowed up by your overdraft...

Dollymixture22 · 31/10/2018 19:59

I can see why they are annoyed but it’s not a police matter.

I am a bit unclear where the money has gone, so you need to make a list of all the money that was donated, what has been repaid and what is outstanding. You need to explain to everyone who has not been repaid where their money went and why you haven’t been able to return it.

If you do plan to pay it back to them in the future then tell them. If the charity has their money, explain that, I hope these people donated directly to the charity and not to your daughter.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/10/2018 20:06

I don’t think WC is a charity

Dollymixture22 · 31/10/2018 20:22

Ah okay.

If you got 90% of the cost of the trip back I am not sure why so many people are out of pocket? I am sure if you communicated with everyone clearly then this would all be cleared up. I also note you repaid your loan - they probably think you should have repaid them first?

But if it was a donation to a family member who then became too ill to travel I doubt it will go further legally. But you maybe need to be clearer with everyone involved. Explain why some have been repaid while others will have to wait a bit longer

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 31/10/2018 20:24

Op i don’t get why you didn’t either deduct 10% off everyone who donated if you took out a loan and let everyone know this would be the case. Or you pay everyone back and cover the cost of the 10%. You can just decide who you pay back and others lose their money. If this is the case they were right to accuse you of theft cause it is.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 31/10/2018 20:26

Can’t decide not can decide

SillySallySingsSongs · 31/10/2018 20:27

If you got 90% of the cost of the trip back I am not sure why so many people are out of pocket?

It seems that after OPs family were paid and her loan was paid off the rest was used to pay off her overdraft. Therefore no money for everyone else.

I can see why it isn't going down well.

Caprisunorange · 31/10/2018 20:29

If she only got 90% back that’s £300 that didn’t get returned to lenders/ donators, regardless of potential overdraft repayment

ThereGoesTheAlarm · 31/10/2018 20:30

If your daughter suffers from severe anorexia tbh I can’t imagine why you let this happen. If there was a possibility of relapse why did you let it get this far? Is that what happened?

Redglitter · 31/10/2018 20:31

I can see why they're not happy. You've ensured you got all your outgoings reimbursed but didn't have enough to refund family members. Why did you use the money to repay your overdraft???

loubluee · 31/10/2018 20:35

I don’t agree with the fact your family and yourself were paid off yet not the paternal. It should have been given back to everyone minus the 10% and told that it would be repaid over time. I believe this is where you went very wrong.

Caprisunorange · 31/10/2018 20:35

Not sure what I’m missing but I don’t think the OP paid off an unrelated overdraft- she says she took out a loan to fund the trip which she repaid from the refund. No different to refunding the others she chose to?

Redglitter · 31/10/2018 20:37

caprisun She has another thread about this and lists her overdraft as something else paid off with the refund

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