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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still not be paying for this ?

27 replies

OhComeOnRon · 31/10/2018 12:57

I am feeling so guilty and torn over this and I am probably over thinking.

We are going for a weekend away for my aunts 60th birthday in a couple of weeks - nice cottage, there's 16 of us plus our 2 kids.
Now - we cannot afford this trip. So when asked I said really sorry but we can't afford it.

My aunt then sent me a text saying she really wants us to come and not to worry about the money. I said I couldn't do that as everyone else is paying and as much as we would love to come we just cannot afford it at the moment. She again said not to worry - she really wants us there.
I then got a message from my Dad who said yes we have to come and they will sort it not to worry. So was kinda of backed into not being able to say no...
(For what its worth its the kids they really want there not me and DH haha)

So we're going, but only for 2 nights as kids still in school so coming back the Sunday. They have organised everything for the weekend and I've messaged about what we need to bring food wise etc but they have said they are sorting all the food themselves.

I just feel SO guilty about it. I want to pay (its £80 per adult) but we really don't have the money.

DH made the point that we would just not have been going anyway had they not insisted it was fine - and therefore not paying anything.

Am I a CF? I feel awful knowing everyone else has paid for this weekend cottage and we haven't?

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 31/10/2018 13:00

No they've said it's fine, trust them. Maybe take a nice bottle of wine or some home baked treats (or something that doesn't cost too much) and make sure you help out with washing up etc. You didn't ask they offered because they want you there and understand your situation, that's what a lovely family do. Enjoy your trip

DeRigueurMortis · 31/10/2018 13:05

Of course not.

They obviously want you to be there.

As a pp said, maybe take a bottle of wine or a nice cake for example as a treat for everyone to say thank you.

Ilovetolurk · 31/10/2018 13:05

They’re your family and they want you there. Don’t overthink this just go and enjoy it

Alfie190 · 31/10/2018 13:06

Your family want to treat you. Another time, and when circumstances allow and I am sure you will treat somebody.

Piffle11 · 31/10/2018 13:07

You are not a CF! They have insisted that you come and not worry about the money, so go and have a good time. Maybe alleviate your guilt by doing a bit extra when you're there - washing up, making tea, etc. And enjoy it!

NRPDad · 31/10/2018 13:08

YANBU and no you are not a CF

Lonesurvivor · 31/10/2018 13:08

Go and enjoy and some day you'll be able to reciprocate with a nice gesture yourself.
It's lovely to have family who are prepared to help out when times are tough and love you (or just the kids) enough to want your company.

Original poster
OhComeOnRon · 31/10/2018 13:08

Thanks everyone - my husband has been saying the same but I'm pregnant and overly emotional and can't stop worrying about it.

I was thinking of baking some cakes and biscuits to take with me.

OP posts:
Haberpop · 31/10/2018 13:12

I was thinking of baking some cakes and biscuits to take with me.

That is a lovely idea OP.

CottonTailRabbit · 31/10/2018 13:12

They obviously know you are not a CF or they wouldn't have insisted on paying for you.

If you need a way to feel less guilty take a lovely home-cooked thing for everyone and tell them it is a thank you.

Then shut up about the guilt and the thanks, it will only make them fewl awkward too. Enjoy yourself, get the most enjoyment for them and yourself out of you being there so they feel really glad they stepped in so you could be there.

MaxPepsi · 31/10/2018 13:12

You've been honest and upfront about not being able to afford it. Your family still want you there and are happy to cover your cost.

What would have been cheeky, was to agree to it all then turn up with no money and expect to be paid for.

Enjoy your weekend.

Santaisgettingbusy · 31/10/2018 13:15

You may be an adult op but your family are still allowed to spoil you!

Singlenotsingle · 31/10/2018 13:20

Nothing to worry about. If you turn down their kind offer, they will be upset and disappointed. So you are doing them a kindness by accepting. Just go and enjoy yourselves.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 31/10/2018 13:23

We've been away with a big group a few times and I'm pret-ty sure we've subsidised people on more than one occasion. If it makes for a bigger, jollier group, then it's fine.

Please don't feel guilty. Just enjoy it and be good company Smile

mydietstartsmonday · 31/10/2018 13:30

No, they love you and the DC and want you there, we do the same for my sibling and if they can't afford it and we want them there we contribute. Its not a problem and we don't think twice.
Its your aunt's big birthday, get the kids to make cards and spoil her.

SugarCoatIt · 31/10/2018 13:36

YANBU or a CF

Think everyone will love the homebakes - go and have a lovely time

applesandpears33 · 31/10/2018 13:37

Families help each other out and it sounds as though your family want to help you just now. Make cards and cakes and enjoy the weekend.

butterry · 31/10/2018 13:42

They really want all the family there so to them it's worth paying the extra for the pleasure of your company. Don't feel guilty, you are loved and lucky to be treasured by them! Relax and enjoy the time with everyone. I feel especially as I get older that one of the real luxuries of having extra money is being able to make memories, share time and treat loved ones.

Butterymuffin · 31/10/2018 13:43

It's nice not to be a CF (which you aren't) but it's also nice to accept gifts / favours gratefully. Don't keep going on about this now, just appreciate it. The baking is a good idea.

BaronessBomburst · 31/10/2018 13:47

This is how families should work!
One day you'll be in a position to repay the favour. Maybe not to your dad or aunt, but to another family member, or to your aunt's grandchildren in years to come.
Enjoy your weekend!

EK36 · 31/10/2018 13:48

No it's fine. They want you and your family there. Bring a couple of bottles of wine and some cake.

Guiltypleasures001 · 31/10/2018 13:57

This is family at its best op, cakes and biscuits would be a very welcome thought if it was me 🤗 try to embrace the warm and fuzzy

waterrat · 31/10/2018 14:01

Gosh OP stop worrying. One day when my kids are grown I would ALWAYS pay for them if they were short of money.

I am 41 years old and my dad just paid for me and my kids to go on holiday. I appreciate it and am grateful - I am not a CF and I don't feel bad!

It's a pleasure for familiy to treat people they love.

one day when you are rich you can pay it forward!

waterrat · 31/10/2018 14:02

You can repay them by relaxing and being grateful.

It's a bad habit to not be able to graciously let someone gift us something - so just enjoy - and then they will be happy too.

DarlingNikita · 31/10/2018 14:07

They clearly want you there! Accept with good grace. Taking home-baked cakes and biscuits would be a lovely gesture and I'm sure will be appreciated.

Enjoy the break.