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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I OverReacting

22 replies

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 10:26

I have a friend of over 20 years, who recently has created alot of problems with in the friendship group that we have. I am due to get married next year and she is 1 of my bridesmaids. However, I feel she has not made alot of effort in the last couple of months, even after becoming my daughters godmother. She has not enquired how my daughter is, not even as much as wished me happy birthday and as I recently lost my grandmother, not asked how I am or any messages of sympathy. We have not fallen out, however we had a few words which was not left on bad terms. I am now thinking I do not want her to be in my bridal party, or even be part of the wedding at all. Am I OverReacting??,

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 31/10/2018 10:29

You sound quite needy tbh.

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/10/2018 10:36

It sounds as though she likely has something going on in her own life at the moment which is distracting her - suddenly shifting from somebody caring and considerate to somebody a bit uninterested and aloof is a sign of preoccupation. I can understand that it’s hurtful she hasn’t asked after you following your bereavement - but have you asked how she is or if there’s anything worrying her?

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/10/2018 10:38

Regardless, you can have whoever you want at your wedding. But it seems rather disproportionate to exclide a very old friend based on some very recent behaviour that it doesn’t seem you’ve really spoken about with her.

hello1233 · 31/10/2018 10:44

The not wishing happy birthday is weird for a close friend, godmother to your child and bridesmaid.

The rest of it she could think she's done enough by just commenting on or liking fbook posts etc. Sometimes due to social media you can feel like you've spoken with people and are up to date with things even when you haven't.

Godmother stuff is different for everyone. Some see it as a big thing others don't.

But saying happy birthday is one thing that is drummed into all of us from an early age.

What problems has she caused in the friendship group?

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 11:02

She has basically split up a relationship (which involves children)

OP posts:

hello1233 · 31/10/2018 11:29

She had an affair with one of the other groups husbands?! Ouch

LagunaBubbles · 31/10/2018 11:32

She has basically split up a relationship (which involves children)

By doing what?

JessieLemon · 31/10/2018 11:32

How could she split up someone else’s relationship? If she saw a married or partnered man with kids she behaved badly (I think although the bulk of the blame lies on the man it’s still poor behaviour to another human being to sleep with their partner) but she couldn’t have split a relationship up without the man’s full and enthusiastic consent, and it was his relationship.

Pretty awful to suggest it’s the woman’s fault if it is the situation I’ve assumed it is.

A couple of months is nothing in the grand scheme of friendship, but I agree it’s odd not to wish you happy birthday, that would be strange. I’d message her and ask if she’s okay cos it’s been a while and listen.

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 11:47

I'd just like to say neither did I write or imply that she had split the relationship by being with the male!!! Can we go back to the original post of Am I OverReacting!?

OP posts:

IABURQO · 31/10/2018 11:51

You aren't being clear @PumpkinPatch1, are you saying her own relationship broke down?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/10/2018 11:55

She has basically split up a relationship (which involves children

What's that got to do with anything? Are you judging her for this?

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 12:01

She created False rumours. She has a history of lying, but we have always stood by her....

OP posts:

Limensoda · 31/10/2018 12:01

Have you asked her if she is ok? She may be going through a difficult time or be depressed?

JessieLemon · 31/10/2018 12:04

She has basically split up a relationship (which involves children)

So she’s spread false rumours? She doesn’t sound like a nice person if that’s the case then. Though I’d still caution you against staying she’s split a relationship up: a strong relationship would be able to withstand false rumours with no grounding, and at the end of the day it’s down to the two people in the relationship to decide whether to end their own relationship or not. Your friend doesn’t have that power.

But that doesn’t detract from the fact that spreading false rumours is a shitty thing to do. Why are you friends with someone who’d do that?

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 12:04

I was asked what problems she caused. It was merely a true answer to the question!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 12:06

I actually thought Mumsnet would give me advice, majority positive so Thankyou but, wow there are some Negative Nancy's out there

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/10/2018 12:08

What do you want us to say OP?

pinkyredrose · 31/10/2018 12:13

You need to be more concise OP. Your posts read like you just want people to agree with you

MrsStrowman · 31/10/2018 13:10

You don't make much sense, a bridesmaid wears a dress of your choosing, walls down the aisle, comes to your hen party, supports you on the day, no further commitments.

Also the godparent thing varies, are you actually religious? God parents are really there for spiritual/moral guidance. Has your DD needed this?

This sounds more like judging her based on her involvement in another friend's situation. Ultimately she's either your friend or she's not. You sound a bit over invested and have lots of expectations.

Original poster

PumpkinPatch1 · 31/10/2018 13:17

@MrsStrowman Thankyou!

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 31/10/2018 13:21

Presumably if you asked her to be godmother and bridesmaid, she can't be that awful. So yes, I think you may be overreacting, but you can do as you choose obviously.

Alfie190 · 31/10/2018 14:33

You drop vague hints about what she has done, suggesting it is relevant, but then fail to explain properly but expect people to understand. Your child is the centre of your world, you cannot expect her to be the centre of everybody else's world. I have two god children, I didn't realise I needed to call for weekly updates.

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