Hoping it could work out?

[notthebestrolemodel]

Sorry, posting for traffic really as yes, I’m aware I’m being unreasonable and I’m expecting to be shot down too.
I’m having an emotional affair. We haven’t physically done anything together, we’ve just talked and admitted how we feel about each other, admitted we’re falling for each other and said we don’t want to fight this any longer etc.
We both have partners and kids.
We’re both incredibly unhappy with our current relationships, and have both admitted we should have left before now but have tried to make things work for the sake of a happy family.
We’re planning on leaving our partners and then seeing if we would work by being together. But the phrase “if they can cheat with you, they can cheat on you” keeps coming into my mind.
AIBU in thinking any of this could ever work out? Hoping to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation

Doesn't the same apply to you? You are both cheats.

I hope you've got strong skin as you'll get vilified on here.......
You need to end your relationships, yes, both of them.

90 percent of the time I'd say it doesn't work out.
But I have seen it work out.

Personally, I think you should split from your partner, regardless of if he does. Be single for a bit then see, if he is single to if you could make it work.

Are you friends with the wife?

If you're both genuinely unhappy in your own relationships- end them, let the dust settle and start again with each other. If it's real love, the time apart will be worth it in the end.

Everyone will get hurt if you just continue on with an affair.

It might work out who knows. If you are unhappy it's ok to leave. Life is too short. I do think out of respect to all involved take a break from your friend, and leave your relationship, then give it a month before starting something else. You also need to make sure your friend has also left and not just going to string you along. If you do start a full affair, you will cause more pain, and this will affect your children, who will then probably hate your new partner.
So take it slowly, do the right thing, and it could all work out in the end. Just be patient.

Yes that’s the plan, to break up with our partners first and then see if things could work out between us once things settle down.
Not friends with the wife, never met her or spoken to her, but I know who she is.
I’ve been with my partner almost 15 years, and in all that time I’ve never cheated, but I’ve also never had these feelings for anyone else before either.

Just remember, the grass is not always greener.

I know someone who was in your situation. They both got divorced then got together. It worked out well for them

Your a dirty cheat too, so who is to say once you break your family, upset your dc and have this guy someone better won’t come along for you? I mean you would of cheated to be with him

Think long and hard, the grass isn’t always greener love

Your poor partner, your actually on a Internet forum asking if you leave could it work. Disgraceful

Okay that’s fair pinkheart. There’s nothing to say that won’t happen, I can only hope that it doesn’t.
I’ve thought long and hard, ignored my feelings for a long time and honestly, I’m not making this decision lightly.
When I say I’m unhappy with my relationship, I don’t mean I’m bored. I don’t mean I’m fed up with him leaving dishes in the sink or the lid off the toothpaste. I mean I’m really unhappy, and I have been for a long time. Whether it works out with this new person or not, my marriage is over.

I don't think you're being disgraceful at all. Life is full of twists and turns. In times of uncertainty I would act on what you are certain of. You sound certain your marriage is over come what may so start by dealing with that and the rest will fall into place if it's meant to be.

This happened to me and my dh.

We were both miserable in our relationships.I guess I took the easy option and stayed as I was scared of him. Another story.

Dh was also miserable too. We both ended our relationships fairly quickly as we knew something must be wrong to have that level of attraction. For me it gave me the courage to leave.

His ex was fine and agreed. Mine continued to be abusive and still tries now.

However me and dh are going strong.
I think how quickly you solve it and not heading into affair territory and sneaking around can affect later trust.

Not saying it would not happen to either myself or oh but we both know we wouldn't cheat and would end it quickly we were starting to look elsewhere.

Op have you thought through the practical side? Can you support yourself and your children? Your new partner will be supporting his kids. What if your kids chose to stay with their dad, will you cope with that? Blending families doesn't always work.

I didn’t want to drip feed, but to answer your question the best I can, my partner doesn’t work due to mental health issues, yet at the same time he refuses to get help for any of it, so we’d be better off financially once we broke up.
And the mental health issues would prevent the kids from living with him. He’s not a bad Father, he just wouldn’t be able to cope with them alone full time.
I don’t have any issues with my new partner supporting his kids-I’d actually be pissed at him if he didn’t, and want him to have a good relationship with them.

I’m really unhappy, and I have been for a long time. Whether it works out with this new person or not, my marriage is over.

These two sentences tell you all you need to know. You’re not ending your marriage because of an emotional affair - you’re having an emotional affair because of the end of your marriage.