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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry about this litle girl

22 replies

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/10/2018 22:53

I live in an area where the children all go out and play together on a regular basis. There is one little girl though who is out in all weathers, sometimes all day in her pyjamas and with no coat; now, until it is pitch black at night. She will play with anyone who will play with her. Mum sends round her older brothers to see where she is at night. We frequently get a knock at the door by the brothers to ask if she is in our house playing. She has no idea where the little girl is.

She is six. I have lived here for two years, but this is becoming a daily occurrence.

She is well cared for, goes to school, is a sweet and lovely child. Her brothers are well mannered and lovely kids. Ive met her mum and tried to make friends with her when we moved here. She told me herself she has huge anxiety problems and doesnt cope well with other people.

She seems to latch on to different families at a time. I have taken her out and she has come into my house, even when my kids arent here, because she would like to spend time with me, as I let her do arty crafty stuff and cooking: she has made me cards that say 'I love you Mam'. I asked would you like to take that to mummy and she said no- it was for me. She asked could I be her mam.

It was a bit heartbreaking for me, because if my child made cards for another saying 'I love you mam' I'd be devastated. To me that was a red flag. She was five then.

DP and I have had a long talk about this and we dont think we have a choice but to ask someone to check the situation out. Shes staying out later and later and we feel as though we have to say something to someone.

As I said, these kids are lovely- we would not want to report this to have the children removed. Maybe she needs a helping hand.

AIBU to mention my concerns or just being a pain in the arse?

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 30/10/2018 22:57

If there is inadequate supervision and unsuitable clothing for the weather then I would make a referral to Social Care.

eggncress · 30/10/2018 23:00

Yes I would report to social services.
There must be a reason she stays away from home for so long.

Maybe she’s not as well cared for as would appear.

Alexandra2018 · 30/10/2018 23:01

Get this reported for her own safety. Anyone could take her the mum wouldn't know till it was too late!

Pecano · 30/10/2018 23:02

Reporting this to social services will not mean the children will be removed. That would only happen if a social worker visited and found the children were in serious, immediate danger.
It sounds like she’s not being supervised properly and the mum needs some support. You should definitely pass on your concerns.

Iamhappytobehappy · 30/10/2018 23:02

I would def report.
6 years going to people houses unsupervised and on her own? Staying out very late and mum doesn’t know where she is? She is put in a very dangerous situation every day.

I wouldn’t see too much in the card accident as kids can say the strangest things for no reason. However the underlying issue is the carelessness with which the child is left to fend for herself all afternoon...

AngelOfDeathNix · 30/10/2018 23:02

There's a number of red flags here, inadequate supervision, willingly going with other adults, seeking reassurance from any adult, please contact the local MASH team for guidance.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/10/2018 23:05

DP and I were hoping that this would be the response. Theyre lovely kids, shes a lovely person, but we cant look the other way. We feel as though there is just something wrong.

OP posts:
tiredgirly · 30/10/2018 23:05

she has come into my house, even when my kids arent here, because she would like to spend time with me, as I let her do arty crafty stuff and cooking: she has made me cards that say 'I love you Mam'.

You need to protect yourself op, do not have her in the house when your kids are not there

ShesABelter · 30/10/2018 23:05

She isn't really well cared for though is she if she's out till really late, in inadequate clothing and not being supervised.

I think you should absolutely report it, even just to her school. Call and ask to speak the the safe guarding officer.

BringOnTheScience · 30/10/2018 23:08

Please report to SS or NSPCC.

Don't think about what might happen if you do report it... think about what might happen if you don't.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2018 23:09

Please do report this. It is hugely unlikely social services would remove a child due to something like this initially. But long run anything could happen to this child and her parents would have no clue. She is not well cared for. She is being neglected.

Report to social services. Speak to NSPCC if you wish to. But please do report it.

TokyoSushi · 30/10/2018 23:11

Yes please report, if she's, out, and her mother doesn't even know where she is, she's definitely not being well cared for.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/10/2018 23:12

@tiredgirly I had to stop it. I was working so I couldnt mind her all the time but she just wanted cuddles and to play.

I should have done it before, so I feel guilty I didnt. I dont have a second name or a house number but have enough that Im sure she could be identified. I kept second guessing myself and I feel terrible that I didnt. I am a single mother myself so didnt want to bring unnecessary attention to another single mum. I know how difficult it is.

Just wanted to ask am I being unreasonable for asking for help. Writing it down, it seems silly! Should have gone with my instincts a few months ago. Sad

OP posts:
cariadlet · 30/10/2018 23:18

OP, I'm a bit confused.

You've mentioned your DP a couple of times, but in your last post you said that you're a single mum.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/10/2018 23:20

Sorry to dripfeed (this has just been a big source of conversation between my DP and myself this weekend after seeing her) the older boys seem to be the parents out and about minding her.

I dont think mum is horrible: I think shes not coping and needs a hand. When your six year old is out on a scooter at nine o'clock at night when the Gardai are out checking for teenage drinkers and theyre setting firworks off... its not appropriate.

Even though I think I am doing the right thing; I feel like the bad guy.

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/10/2018 23:23

@cariadlet I am a single mum but I have a boyfriend who isnt the father of my kids and doesnt have responsibility for them. I call him DP because Im 32 and feel a little too old to be saying 'boyfriend' Blush

If it were up to me Id call him my pet eejit Wink

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 30/10/2018 23:28

You can't say all that and then in the next sentence say she's well cared for. She isn't. I would report it definitley.

Villanelle123 · 30/10/2018 23:29
Confused
NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 30/10/2018 23:46

Thats a difficult situation but you are right to report. Even if nothing comes of it, it's definetly better for the situation to be checked out.

Love the calling your partner your 'pet eejit'. Sounds like something me or one of my family would say Grin

cariadlet · 31/10/2018 00:12

Thanks for clearing that up OP - it doesn't take a lot to confuse me. Grin

btw I also use "dp" on here, but talk about "my boyfriend" in real life. We're not married (been together for ages and have a 16 year old dd, but not into that) so don't really know what other word to use. But it's 2 decades since I was 32 so I'm waay to old to use the word - and he's definitely too old to be anyone's "boyfriend" Wink

I think that you and your dp both sound very caring. You're not the bad guys. The mum might be a lovely person who just can't cope rather than a deliberately neglectful or cruel parent, but the fact is that she's not caring for her children and children always have to be put first.

tiredgirly · 31/10/2018 10:50

Op I think you misunderstood my post about protecting yourself. By taking this child into your house while your bildren are not there cuddles and play , you risk opening yourself up to allegations that you are grooming her or worse.

Tomatoesrock · 31/10/2018 10:57

It is awful, not unusual for some children around here. One particular family have 5DC, three of their little girls are always freezing, out day and night, their mother is a violent drunk so not approachable. They were reported to social services but their home is very clean, food in the cupboard and nothing was done.

Definitely report it but it may not change, after the social called to the mother, She got blind drunk and was verbally abusing all her neighbours to see who reported her. The Garda called out and still nothing, those kids are still out in the dark with no coats. When I offer food as there is always DC in and out they scoff it. It is very sad but not unusual.

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