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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to talk to her anymore

26 replies

isitthatsimple · 30/10/2018 21:40

This woman, a school mum, asks me to have her DD (a friend of my DD) on a school night as she has to be at the hospital for an appointment first thing the next day. I said ok as you know it's a nice thing to do I suppose. Please bear in mind at the time I was probably 22/23 weeks pregnant and very tired (also my DH had to leave for work by 7:30am). So anyway the evening is nice the kids watch a film, play for a while then bed. I separated the girls as I knew if they had shared a room they'd be up all night and as a tired pregnant woman I didn't want to be up all night with them messing about or have a crabby 6 year old after school the next day. Bedtime just was horrendous, the girl cried on and off from 7pm to 11pm. She wanted to go home, she wanted her mum, she wanted her stuffed bear, she felt ill etc. I called her mum and text her letting her know she wasn't settling but I would try and calm her down. The mum wouldn't answer the phone then when she finally did hours later I said if she doesn't settle soon she'll have to come home. No answer for another hour. Still the girl is on and off crying. We try and calm her down but she just starts right up again as soon as we leave. I'm pretty exhausted by this point. I get a text back 'what do you want to do' and I reply you need to come and pick her up she wants to go home. No reply again. Half hour later the girl has cried herself to sleep. What the hell! The morning wasn't much better not helped by the fact that I was knackered and my toddler woke up at 5.30am! I get a text today asking 'what did I do wrong, why aren't you talking to me?' and strangely enough I can't think of anything nice to say so I've been ignoring it. So AIBU to not want to talk to her anymore?

OP posts:

HappyBumbleBee · 30/10/2018 21:47

YANBU because you are tired after a stressful 24 hrs! Send one text saying "not ignoring you, extremely tired, stressed and very very busy" then sign off with either "so f/off and leave me alone" or a simple "talk soon"
You could go so far s asking why she ignored your calls and texts about her daughter when she was desperately needed! X

Elderflower14 · 30/10/2018 21:50

I would tell her straight that you aren't talking to her as you are returning the favour on her for not replying the night before. Hope you get a better night's sleep tonight....

WhyAmISoCold · 30/10/2018 21:53

That doesn't even make any sense. I'd assumed she had texted the wrong person as you hadn't ignored her at all, the other way around.

I wouldn't be doing her any favours again. She shoukd have picked her child up and been contactable at all times considering you had her child. What if it had been an emergency.

Pigeonpresent · 30/10/2018 21:54

I’d explain why you’re upset, what if it’s an honest mistake- messages not delivered etc?

HandlebarTash81 · 30/10/2018 21:59

That’s so weird. Who does that to their kid? Poor little girl.

Take all the time you need, OP. You don’t owe her anything.

Branleuse · 30/10/2018 22:00

Id ignore her

Original poster

isitthatsimple · 30/10/2018 22:04

Thanks for your replies. I'm glad I'm not crazy in thinking that she should have picked her up, I know I would have if someone had my child and she was behaving like that. She thinks I'm ignoring her because I didn't say hello or something after school, I didn't hear her. In fairness I would quite like to ignore her deliberately. Needless to say I was concentrating on picking my kids up and going home to count the hours until my bedtime.

OP posts:

IABURQO · 30/10/2018 22:05

Is it important to be friends with her now or in future? She is clearly pretending she doesn't know in the hope you'll let her pretend it didn't happen. I'd be tempted to tell her plainly that her little girl needed her and you are angry / upset that she ignored you.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/10/2018 22:08

Can you not just say... Honestly, I'm a bit pissed off you ignored my texts last night, when I told you your dd was really upset, and needed picking up.

Surely that's better than just blanking the woman forever more?

HollowTalk · 30/10/2018 22:11

She was out, wasn't she? Are you sure she actually had an appointment?

fairiesandelves · 30/10/2018 22:13

Agree with Hollow

HateIsNotGood · 30/10/2018 22:18

Tbh - it seems all a bit 'overblown' to me. The girl was worried and upset (naturally) and her Mum was probably trying to sleep and try and relax/not worry about her hospital appointment the next day. The reason you were trying to be helpful.

Honestly, under the circumstances I would have put my own feelings to one side and comforted the little girl as much as possible and probably made it more fun by letting the 2 little girls share.

Huffing and puffing about the difficulties of it probably made your little guest even more upset. And if you were calling her Mum quite late, if I was her I'd be wondering "what do you want me to do?".

You had a nice thought OP, but leave it at that, acting on your nice thoughts might not come so easy - it's quite normal, it doesn't for a lot of people.

Now you know your limitations just stick to offering what you know you can do. And don't feel bad about it and offer to do more than you can.

Alexandra2018 · 30/10/2018 22:20

Don't have her round again the mum ignored you all night I'd have gone round and dropped her home I'm not putting up with that

QueenOfMyWorld · 30/10/2018 22:23

Appointment my arse,she was on a date or out drinking

confusedmomm · 30/10/2018 22:32

No appointment. Def On a night out. Rather than ignore i's just tell her what the problem is. Chance is you're going to see more of her whilst the girls are at same school so you won't b able to ignore her permanently

HappyBumbleBee · 31/10/2018 00:08

And if you were calling her Mum quite late, if I was her I'd be wondering "what do you want me to do?".
If my child was staying over and there was a problem (which clearly there was) - no matter what time it was I would a) expect a call and b) answer my phone or reply to messages and go and get my child!
I actually find all of your post quote insulting to the OP @HateIsNotGood!

HandlebarTash81 · 31/10/2018 07:34

@Hatelsnotgood It’s more about why could have happened. Either the girl’s mum couldn’t be reached which is not great. Or she was ignoring OP. Again, twattish behaviour.

Branleuse · 31/10/2018 07:36

You dont have to say a thing to her, but if you want to, you could just say "you really took the piss last night, you didnt tell me that she was not used to staying away from home. She was really upset and eventually cried herself to sleep because I couldnt comfort her. I was happy to have her, but in those circumstances You pick your child up and bring her home"

Returnofthesmileybar · 31/10/2018 07:39

How long ago did this happen? I get the feeling it may be quite some time ago?
I mean she is still a piss taker don't gete wrong but it would change how I worded my reply

icelollycraving · 31/10/2018 07:42

Would you normally be talking to her first thing in the morning?
I’d reply something along the lines of, you know what you did wrong. You ignored me when your child was distressed and ended up crying herself to sleep after four hours. I did you a favour, one thst wont ever be repeated. The whole family are knackered and I’m not up for chatting. Hope you enjoyed your child free night.

Rememberallball · 31/10/2018 07:45

I wonder if, knowing she had a child free night, she wasn’t out enjoying herself? Would explain why she didn’t respond to messages/calls!!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 31/10/2018 07:55

Agree with PP, I think she was out on the tiles, the "morning appointment" was probably a dentist apt or a wax!

Dollymixture22 · 31/10/2018 08:14

pP hot the mail on the head - she was either out or had company.

The done thing is to collect your distressed child. However this lady clearly had other priorities. Poor little girl. Six is still young for a sleep over and the child was clearly upset and homesick. Badly played by her mum

Original poster

isitthatsimple · 31/10/2018 08:23

True I understand kids get upset but the girl asked me to call her mum because she said she wasn't feeling well, so I did. I had to sit there and tell her I tried but mummy's busy right now.
I did comfort her, I did everything she wanted. No sorry my DD has enough meltdowns just doing after school activities if I can avoid a meltdown I will so they had to sleep separately and chances are together they would have been up even later.
Obviously I didn't huff and puff to the girl that's just mean. I called twice with no answer between the hours of 7pm and 11pm and for reference she lives just around the corner from us.

OP posts:

diddl · 31/10/2018 08:25

Why wouldn't you tell her that you're completely pissed off with her for not fetching her daughter when you asked her to and that you've been too busy to reply straight away, which she must understand as she obviously was when you were contacting her about her distressed/unsettled daughter.

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