...to tell my snoring husband he's keeping me awake

[NotOnTheBench]

Honestly - he snores so badly, I'm losing half an hour every time I have to get up for the loo in the night as I just can't get back to sleep. Result - if I get up a couple of times I'm effectively losing an hour's sleep every night.

I am beginning to feel I will never have a decent night's sleep. I can't wait for one of the kids to move out so I can sleep in their room!

He has sleep apnoea and had been referred to a sleep clinic a few years ago but refused to go. He has also had prescribed nasal spray which worked so we both got decent sleep, but he has never ordered a repeat prescription.

He blames his [diagnosed] ADHD for forgetting the repeat prescription. I blame his selfishness. He doesn't sleep well as he snores and stops breathing, so as a result, he sleeps in front of the TV all evening after work, then is awake late at night, comes to bed very late and often wakes me up. At weekends he sleeps until lunchtime but then naps in front of the TV all day until he finally gets a move on, by which time, I'm knackered.

At night, he sometimes gives me a cuddle, but then just goes to sleep and snores right in my ear, which makes me feel like I'm shaking, and his hands twitch so I have no hope of getting back to sleep.

If I push him off he says he feels offended! I have tried to talk to him to explain that if he just takes the blasted spray we will BOTH get a good night's sleep, but because he's asleep he doesn't think it's an issue and thinks I'm exaggerating. If I play him a voice recording of the racket he makes he just thinks its funny and comments that he just needs to lose a little weight [he's been overweight for years so I'm not holding out much hope of that ever happening].

What can I do to MAKE IT STOP!

Please be aware that if you call the DVLA it unleashes an immediate investigation. My son and I phoned them because, from a thread on MN, I had the heebie jeebies because we were unsure whether we had declared his Aspergers or not and whether we needed to. The website wasn't exactly clear. We phoned up just to make an enquiry but it immediately triggered a 'thank you for telling us about your condition. We will contact your doctor. A really scary letter implying he would have to give up his license. Son hasn't been to the doctor for years and was last seen for his Aspergers when he was four. The doctor told us that we didn't have to tell the DVLA at all. Son's been driving for years now and needs to do for work. If his license had been taken away, that would have been the end of his job.

Anyway, i had a very stressful few weeks but all fine.

By all means tell your husband about the DVLA thing. It might push him to go to the doctor and if he doesn't and could potentially fall asleep at the wheel, then you might need to get more heavy handed but DON't phone the DVLA to make any sort of enquiry or disclosure until he has had a chance to rectify the situation.

You should get him to move rooms - either a spare room when it's not being used by your children or the sofa. That should be motivation enough to get the nasal spray.

If you do go down the dvla threat route, he should tell the docs that his driving licence is essential for his job as then they will fast track everything.

I looked into cpap usage rates after someone mentioned it above and it seems they are low except in people who reported excessive sleepiness (like your dh, mine was the same). Which suggests that some people were prescribed them when they didn’t really need them.

I second what everyone has said about sleep apnoea. It is serious and dangerous for others if ignored. We thought my husband had that and kept me awake for years. When I eventually got him, to see the GP he got referred to an ENT specialist and it turned out he had nasal polyps. They were removed and the serious snoring stopped. Still an occasional snuffle but then I do that too.

If he is falling asleep all of the time, it is either apnoea or seriously disturbed sleep. Either way to is serious and for his health and safety and yours he needs to get it checked.

The CPAP machine has changed my DH’s life. He didn’t réalisé how little sleep he was getting and how tired he was until he started on the machine.

Does your DH know the long term effects of sleep apnea? I don’t want to scare you but honestly your DH should be scared. Apnea can cause brain damage, strokes, heart problems and even death. That’s the direct effects and don’t include what might happen if he falls asleep at the wheel.

My husband was like a mule about his snoring then finally had a sleep study and it scared the hell out of him and uses it 100% and I have many,man patients who use theirs as often. Your husband needs to be reported as he’s too selfish to get treatment

^uses his cpap

I had to check whether I'd started this thread. I got my DH to the GP after decades of being kept awake by his snoring and him falling asleep everywhere.
He has worn his CPAP regularly since getting it, and is so much nicer.