To not want to introduce my friend to all my other friends

[Stonebrew]

I’ve got this friend and we have the sort of relationship where we’ll chat incessantly if we happen to be in the same place, with us having basically zero interaction otherwise.

She’s lovely for the most part. What bothers me is that she seems abnormally interested in being acquainted with various people in my life! For instance, I can be talking about someone new I’m dating and she’ll constantly ask for an in-person introduction. Same goes for most of my mates that even get a passing mention in our conversations. It’s completely bizarre. Oh, and not to mention wanting to know names so she can google them all.

To be clear, I’m not opposed to introducing friends to other friends, but surely I’m not the only one who would be put off by her constantly bringing it up? And it’s not just that. I’ve noticed that her interest is further piqued when she finds out someone I know is what she perceives to be “successful”. I may be wrong in that judgement of course, but if I’m right I’m not keen on introducing someone knowing that their primary appeal to her is what they do/have instead of who they are.

AIBU? Should I get a grip and stop being so paranoid?

Sounds like she's just making an effort to BE your friend.

Longwalk do you ask your friends their friends' names do you can google them?  sounds a bit odd to me OP, I'd just avoid mentioning who you've seen and keep conversation on other stuff

Perhaps she is jealous of your social life/other friends and wants to be part of it?

You dont have to tell everyone everything, try to be less revealing about your other friends names and circumstances. I would find this very odd behaviour but I'm old and dont get the current fad for self revelation so may be wrong.

Poor woman had to hear you talk about your other friends and when she shows an interest she’s weird maybe she’s looking to gain more friendships?

longwayoff I don't reveal much about my other friends. Usually it's just me answering a "who" question (for example "who's that on your WhatsApp display picture"), and even then, I don't really say much other than "my friend from uni" or something along those lines.

That sounds like blurred boundaries and quite controlling tbh. Can you see less of her?

Wanting to google people is weird IMO but I do sympathise with her wanting to make more friends. I have moved around a lot through my career and it gets harder and harder to make friends as an adult in a new city. I've been lucky that people have introduced me to their friend groups, in fact some of my best friendships are with people who were originally a "friend of a friend."

She certainly sounds a bit too eager but then again, I've learned you have to actively make it happen when you're trying to make new friends instead of passively hoping someone invites to a party. I'm about to move countries and start yet again to make friends in my new location, it's so hard as an adult!

Are you sure it's not cos you know your friends will prefer her?

Is she called Wendy?

The googling bit is weird. But on pretty much any thread on here where an OP is saying they’re lonely and wish they had more friends, there will always be responses along the lines of “ask your existing friends to introduce you to other people they know” or “show an interest in other people’s lives and make it clear you’d like to get to know them better”. Even the “interested in successful people” could be explained: if somebody has an interesting job or a successful-sounding life, they’re probably interesting people to know - it’s not necessarily about wanting to get in with wealthy people.

That said, it’s up to you who you introduce to whom; but personally I really like it when my friends like my other friends and I can start to merge and build different groups from them.

Sounds to me like she's trying to hint that she wants to meet up with you outside of 'happening to see each other'. Would you be open to that?

In all honesty, if someone chatted 'incessantly' to me whenever they bumped into me, but never suggested actually meeting up as friends, I would think that was a bit odd. But maybe that's just me!