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Gifts!!! Arggghhh. I don't like receiving them.

11 replies

paganmolloy · 30/10/2018 16:46

I just don't but then I seem like a hard nosed, ungrateful cow. But I really don't. I want or need for little and if there is something I do really want or need then it's only me who is going to know what it is so I'm as well buying it myself. I hate wastefulness. I have enough stuff. There is enough stuff in the world without someone spending their hard earned cash on more stuff that I don't want or need. I'm the sort of person who buys virtually all of my clothes in charity shops.

Soooooo, I have a big birthday coming up. How do I drop hints that I just don't want any presents, I'd rather folk gave to charity than get me gift experiences or vouchers for a shop that I never frequent? How do I say this without seeming assumptive that I'm getting any gifts in the first place?

There are a few of my friends who have form in grouping together for other pals' birthdays and I live in fear of getting a hot air balloon experience.

My birthday is at a very awkward time so I'm having a party a couple of months later. I'll just be grateful if folk give up their time to come along and enjoy themselves. Whilst I can say no pressies on the invites because my birthday is actually before that event, how do I get my message across without seeming like a pretentious, ungrateful, assumptive asshole.

OP posts:
RangeRider · 30/10/2018 16:48

You could email en-mass and say 'someone has asked me for present ideas so I thought I'd say to everyone that I don't want anything' (or a far-better-worded alternative that says the same.

longwayoff · 30/10/2018 17:31

Hand em over, I'll have them. Dont drop hints, tell them all you want them each to donate a tenners worth of food to your food bank.

RedSkyLastNight · 30/10/2018 17:43

I'm the same as you. But it's actually impossible to tell people that you don't want gifts and for them to believe you. I have tried literally telling people "please don't get me anything, I know I'm hard to buy for and there really is literally nothing I want" and they still do. The worst is people who buy things "because I know you said not to, but I wanted to", who is the gift for? Them or you?

bridgetreilly · 30/10/2018 17:50

Don't drop hints. That just makes it sound like you really want the presents but also want to sound charitable.

If you're having a party, include it in the invitation: no presents, please, but if you'd like to make a donation, there's a JustGiving page for X charity in my name, that would make me really happy.

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 30/10/2018 17:52

I agree I have most things I want, don’t want chocolate, smellies (try to avoid too much plastic - relatives buy me garden tokens - perfect!

FuckedItAgain · 30/10/2018 17:54

You can do this via facebook now as well, ask for charity donations in lieu of a birthday gift.

MrTrebus · 30/10/2018 17:58

God you sound really martyr-ish. Just accept the gifts and then regift or give to charity shops or just anything else but say you don't want presents because there's too much stuff in the world.

NoUnicornsToSeeHere · 30/10/2018 17:58

I am just the same as you, I think @RangeRider’s suggestion is perfect... (in fact I intend to use it myself)

CallingAllSuperheroes · 30/10/2018 18:15

At the party you could put a bucket or box clearly marked for a charity of your choice. You could also say feel free to donate to a charity of your choice if you don't like this one.

I'm very fussy about presents too. DH has given up!

Somerville · 30/10/2018 18:24

...I live in fear of getting a hot air balloon experience. This made me snort-laugh. Sorry!

If they're good enough friends, you should be able to be real with them. Choose the most sensible one and say, 'listen, I'm having this party, and I'm going to be asking for donations to X or Y, but I've had a hint that some of you lovely lot might be thinking of clubbing together in advance of that, on my actual birthday - do you think you could influence the others to do a donation to this charity then too?'
You could say something similar to family members.
In my experience the more personal the choice of charity (so a link between an experience or interest of yours, and the charitable aims) the more people buy in to donating rather than buying a gift.
The other idea would be asking for plants for your garden, or the like - something tangible, but good for the planet, and where people can choose something that suits their budget and taste.
Ultimately though you probably will get some gifts, and you can pass them onto charity shops, who will be very grateful for the high quality donations.

paganmolloy · 31/10/2018 08:27

Good advice folks - thanks.
Mr Trebus, that's why I asked the question - so I get lots of tips on how not to sound like that and so I'm not insulting the gift givers by giving everything away immediately afterwards.

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