Are you a reformed untidy person? With a lovely home? AIBU to ask for your tips?

[KavvLar]

This is a shout out to those folk who are not naturally good at housekeeping and tidying, but have cracked it and manage to keep and maintain a lovely home. AIBU to ask for your strategies?

I have had a lovely home very briefly after a massive declutter helped by a professional. Best money I ever spent, and I LOVED it when it was all tidy. I know the upkeep is a huge part of it though, and I don’t know how to approach it.

I end up scattergunning around the house and I can just sense the chaos creeping back in. I need some sort of system to keep it vaguely visitor ready, I know there are loads out there, and I'm willing to try but would love some personal perspectives from those of you who managed to change your ways.

This is an odd way to put it I know but I liken it to weight loss and maintenance. You know when you've lost all the weight and everyone thinks the hard work is over, but the maintenance is really hard if you haven't started to think like a thin person? I need your help to think like a tidy person!

Write lists with the small jobs on them and just quickly do the small jobs.

Empty the bin before it is full.

Declutter small amounts very regularly.

Yes. If you can't store it you can't keep it.

And the one touch rule.

And when sorting out have a bin and charity bag. Charity bag goes immediately to charity.

Marry someone with borderline OCD about tidiness.

You eventually give in and tidy otherwise you spent you entire life arguing.

But then you also have to accept you will never be tidy enough and learn to tune out the "you just thought fuck it, XYZ will come around and tidy up after me" for the umpteenth time.

I use TOMM which has helped massively. Wunderlist helps me because I like ticking off all that I’ve achieved.

DP drives me insane because although he hates the place being unclean, he will walk into my newly clean kitchen, make a cup of tea, leave the tea caddy out of place, the tea bag not in the bin and the tea spoon out. Or he won’t make the bed once he’s out of it, which drives me insane because he’s always the last one out of bed! What also irritates me is that he will not make DS’ bed or open his blinds etc. I’m lucky in that generally I only miss two wake ups so five days a week these tasks are done, and it really fucks me off.

I have no idea what advice to give re your DH, clearly! But if you find out what to do, please let me know as most of our blazing rows have been about cleaning/tidying.

I’m trying to get DS into the habit of doing little things - I play a tidy up song at the end of the evening and he has to tidy his toys into the box. I do use bribery like tea (almond milk) and sweets (dried fruit) but 4/5 it works and he tidies them away. He also can put the dishwasher tab in (I unwrap it) close and start the dishwasher. He also puts away his changing mat (under the bed) and will bring his plate through if asked.

Could you assign your DC jobs? Maybe yours are old enough to understand that if they do them all week they get a treat at the end?

I'm a work in progress.

I'm here to read the tips.

Mine went nuts on Sunday because I didn't wipe the draining board down in the middle of cooking.

I'd done the first bit of dinner, washed up and put away as I went, then sat down whilst I waited for cooking to happen.

However, I didn't wipe all the suds off the draining board or the adjacent work top.

To my mind, I was not finished therefore the "finishing part" of the job was not due yet - that would be done after dinner when all the washing up was done.

To his mind, you do that as you go along and therefore me sitting down was leaving it for him to come along and clean up after me.

For the umpteenth time I yelled at him that he should be bloody grateful I even washed up at all as in the past it would still be waiting for the dishwasher three days later until I ran out of utensils.

But I love him dearly despite that.

I found a bullet journal (to write an easy to follow list for my day) and the TOMM method has really helped me.

Oh, and the littlest finally being in full time education. 

Oats welcome!! I'm all about the tips too.

JacksHouse I totally agree. When I had done the initial effort and reset the house we sat down together and divided up the tasks and that didn't go too badly. I linked it to the recent clean up but actually thinking about it he had more time then as he worked very locally.

Since then he's moved jobs and has now got a shocker of a commute. So while he's not completely absolved, he is out of the house Monday to Friday 6:30am til 7:30pm, where I work school hours term time and have the kids around that, so theoretically should/can do more of the home stuff.

I think we probably need to reassess what everyone can realistically manage to do. Pp who said about clear and shared expectations is also spot on.

DH'd have a list which he'd start out to do and then I'd sit with steam coming out of my ears watching him twat about doing this and that (and not the list) because to him the list was to be done 'at some point this week'. I had to get very specific about what we both understood (fill and set dishwasher before bed every night etc).

My eldest DD likes spraying stuff so I may get her on the spraying and wiping jobs! Littlest is handy she will potter with me and help me do dishes etc. Clearing up their own stuff as well - I can see I need to set up clearer expectations and consequences for the kids.

My basic wish is for a bit of help and for them not to make it MORE difficult for me.

I have no idea about involving kids because I have one 3.5 month old baby and so far he's been bloody useless around the house, but I found TOMM was actually great for dividing stuff up between me and DH. I modified it a bit so there's a room for every day of the week (no weekend off!) because otherwise our conservatory and bathrooms would never be clean (I didn't find the 'clean a bit of the bathroom every day worked for me at all). I do the weekday ones, either while DS sleeps if he actually takes a decent nap not on me (not a given) or after DH gets home while they hang out for half an hour. He does the two weekend half hours. After Christmas I'm back at work and he's on shared parental leave so we'll reverse, and then when we're both back at work we'll do every other day. Well, that's the plan! But we've found the clear and finite nature of having the plan - no more than half an hour, just one room - makes it much easier because there's absolutely no discussion about what needs to be done. But again, we are only four weeks in so maybe we both have the zeal of converts at the moment!

We did have some preestablished habits that we've kept though - particularly 'one cooks, one cleans up afterward'. We used to do the cooking and therefore clearing up 50-50, now I cook while DH plays with DS then does his bath, and then he tidies up the kitchen while I stick some laundry on. It means we're both 'done' at the same time which seems vaguely fair.

@NameChangeyMcChangerson any chance you might share your plan as it's working for you? I've found it so helpful when other people have shared. Thanks. And yes, babies are no help. Lazy I call it.

Thursday night is cleaning night (we work full time). It is a great incentive for starting the weekend. Finish work Friday or getting up Saturday, the house is lovely to be in, rather than my previous ranting on a Saturday morning about the state of the place.

DC's as young teenagers are also given jobs. Two hours of 3 of us cleaning gives great results. Sometimes we would draw the jobs from a 'hat' just to add to the fun! 😂😳😉😮🤔

My family are too sulky to "enjoy" jobs out of a hat. I think they'd all leave home ( hmm..)
I'm laughing at the idea so thanks for it!

Oatsbeanandbarley - yes friends of mine laughed at my 'games' and often teased.
The kids did do the jobs though....probably much to do with avoiding my wrath every Saturday morning

Working on my wrath might help.

I know I need to do a reset.

I did have success in the holidays with giving one of them a daily tick list ( with only about three things on.) Otherwise scattiness won.

Here's my TOMM breakdown, cleaning rota and an example list from last month (picked one is crossed most jobs off )

Hope they're helpful. Tbh, the first 2 are much of a muchness. The TOMM page is just a bit more detailed.

I'm a very very messy person. I clean every day so everything is clean but you can see a trail of destruction wherever I've been. I'm much messier than my kids. I also detest putting clean washing away so there's always a pile waiting to go away. I can't stand dirty washing anywhere but clean stuff can sit there for days.
I have a mil that pops in unannounced several times a week and that keeps me in check. Shame is the only thing that works

Marie Kondo has really helped me differentiate between 'tidying' and 'cleaning'. Cleaning is much much easier when things are tidy.

The rule in our house is to leave everything ready for use. So the dishes are washed straight away after meals (no dishwasher). Spills are wiped as soon as they happen. We wash up as we cook. Kitchen floor gets swept when we are finishing cooking (to avoid trailing the mess around the house). Muddy shoes are cleaned when we come back home. The bed gets made first thing after we wake up (and covers are folded over so the bed can breathe).

We do a "big clean" (dusting, hoovering, bed clothes, bathroom and kitchen) at the end of the week so that the house stays clean. Additionally, the bathroom gets done mid-week.

When I see small jobs (crumbs in the cutlery drawer, spices needing refilled, etc), I do them straight away or the next time I'm waiting for something (eg while cooking or when I'm waiting for my husband to get ready).

Once or twice a year, I declutter, re-organise and deep clean the whole place. I'm in the middle of it now and can already see loads of progress so that keeps me going.

I just spoke to DH (I work away Mon-Thur) and got informed "he was de greasing the kitchen and wiping down the units as they were getting grubby including getting cru,mbs out of the handles as you never would"

He's off work right now and if I was off work and at home, I'd be in front of a box set with my knitting not cleaning the ktichen.

Its priorities.

I am a single mother of two and have definitely NOT mastered the art of keeping my home lovely (in fact it seems to get worse and worse) so I am following this with interest.

My problem is definitely with tidying rather than cleaning. This thread is making me think that I migh need to pay for some help with a big blitz and that everything might be easier after that.

Marking my place.
I'm not that untidy but work and dc's prevent me from getting the house properly tidy. I need to up my game.