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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want to find out who drew & wrote on my settee?

34 replies

Allgoodnamesaregone · 29/10/2018 14:01

Held DD10s birthday party in our house last Saturday. Few Yr 5 friends from old & newish school (She's been there since beginning of Year 3) & 5 of my grandchildren. I'd been using dark felt pen to keep scores. Put it down when went to cook burgers. After party I discovered a lot of scribble and the word FUN on the side of me settee. DD10 was shocked as me - it wasn't her. 2 youngest grandkids are 4 & can't write yet. 2 of my grandsons are extremely lively, often misbehave in my house, their mam has caught them writing on walls at home recently & they were annoyed with me at party because I wouldn't let them have tv on for football scores, & I wouldn't let them play Quidditch in the garden again as we didn't have time. All children in the house were old enough to know better. Really don't think it would have been school friends, they have always behaved well in my house. When texted DD she said boys knew nothing, I asked her to question them again, as circumstantial evidence points to them. She's now not speaking to me. I understand her being upset but shes now not coming to family events later in week. I've been told to leave it & not bother trying to find out, but I want to know who cares so little for me & my belongings.
The seette is only just 2 years old, I still have 2 years to pay on it & the pen hasn't come out.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 29/10/2018 14:05

I don't think it's a question of not caring for you and your belongings, I think it was overexcited kids admittedly being naughty. Not suggesting they should get away with it though.

What would your ideal outcome of all this be?

MrsChristianTrevelyanGrey · 29/10/2018 14:07

Doesn't help with your situation but if it's a leather settee have you tried hairspray? I really hope it comes out

2minutespeace · 29/10/2018 14:08

I don’t have any advice for the situation with your daughter, but for your sofa try hairspray, completely melted away ink when my toddler got hold of a biro

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 29/10/2018 14:10

Finding out who did it isn't going to change anything at this point, though, is it?

QuizzlyBear · 29/10/2018 14:14

Sorry OP, you're not BU to be upset but in all honesty if you have a houseful of kids (some of which you know are badly behaved) you've got to accept that occasionally things will happen to your nice things.

I have three nephews whom I love dearly but every time they come to my house they either damage or destroy something. I've lost a wall clock, a thermostat, three large family photos and a shower screen in the last year. Little sods. Nowadays they aren't invited over much and we see them at the GPs house!

That's just how they are though, it's not malicious. They were always those kids covered in food and paint and dirt... Don't take it personally OP.

Original poster
Allgoodnamesaregone · 29/10/2018 14:24

I've tried hair spray. It faded but it hasn't removed it.
Guess outcome I want us for them not get away with it.
Appreciate accidents can happen, but it wasn't an accident.

OP posts:
Kemer2018 · 29/10/2018 14:27

Have you tried wd40 or baby wipes?

Mookatron · 29/10/2018 14:29

Take a picture of the drawing. Cover it with a throw or something for now. Show the boys next time you're with them all (inc your daughter) and see what their reaction is.

There's no point making it personal or doing anything that's passive aggressive/ guilt trippy but it is perfectly acceptable to say 'I am annoyed by the damage to my sofa and I don't think you're taking it seriously enough' to your daughter.

However ultimately you can't prove it so if they continue to deny there's not much you can do really Flowers

billybagpuss · 29/10/2018 14:30

The thing is, she probably believes that it was one of them too but the chances of them owning up to her are slim to none and you giving her grief over it is just going to upset her.

I know you're angry but honestly leaving it for the sake of your relationship with your DD is the best course of action here.

dawnacorns · 29/10/2018 14:34

The problem you face is not going to be helped by finding out whodunnit which is likely to wind you up more. Try to cover it up or get it out and then let it go.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 29/10/2018 14:36

Is this the first time they have wrecked something on your house Allthe or is this one of many? Can't help but think this isn't just about the sofa. Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

purple8pig · 29/10/2018 14:38

I think id be a bit annoyed at the assumption its one of them rather than any school friends.

Yes the school friends probably did know better, and yes it quite likely was one of your gc , but without any proof at all I would be annoyed if my mother asked me to speak to my dc, and I did, and was satisfied they hadn't done it, but then my mother asked me to press them again for info, before any of the other kids there had even been asked about it.

EnglishRose13 · 29/10/2018 14:41

Hand gel?

When I was 12, a friend (one of four) stole my birthday money. Never found out who it was. Even the kids that seem the nicest, are arseholes.

Thatstheendofmytether · 29/10/2018 14:42

Have you tried norlmar fairy liquid. That's what got the 3 lots of felt tip scribbles out of my carpets, took a lot of scrubbing no YANBU to want to know who it was, they should be told off for that.

NotAQueef · 29/10/2018 14:46

What kind of pen was it (sharpie/felt tip type/biro) If felt tip/sharpie type could one of them have been writing/scribbling on paper and it soaked through.
Just musing that it might not have been deliberate.
Echo the try hairspray ideas

LakieLady · 29/10/2018 14:48

Have you considered claiming on your insurance?

When my friend dropped a plate of take-away curry on her year-old cream carpet, she thought it was ruined for ever and put in a claim. The insurance company sent round a firm of specialist cleaners. It was as good as new afterwards.

She thought she'd tried everything to get the stain out, but they clearly knew something she didn't!

Original poster
Allgoodnamesaregone · 29/10/2018 14:50

Other children have been asked. DD10s mobile was also hidden & these 2 grandsons regularly hide her phone or PlayStation remotes as they are leaving...they knew nothing about that either & phone was on silent so it took a long time to find.
There hasn't been wilful damage before...just accidents from boisteressness, from both grown up daughter's kids. Whilst that's been annoying at times it's acceptable as wasn't deliberate. If this was only scribble it could have been someone faffing with pen & not realised, but with a word in it it makes it different. The school friends were mostly on the other settee. My dad was on end of the one which was marked, there was a dining chair next to it. Despite noise 81 yr old dad was dropping off so school friends didnt really go near....but I wasn't watching everyone all the time. So it could have been anyone.
I don't want to fall out with DD but shes huffed now. Myself & other adult DD are trying to encourage her to still come Halloweening & to a Light Festival later in week. I've said I won't go, although have told her I'd like us all to go together. I can always do something different with DD10 if needs be, shame though.

OP posts:
Pebblespony · 29/10/2018 14:52

There's a reason circumstantial evidence isn't accepted in court. You'll never be sure who did it. Confronting the children might not help. Some get a guilty look just by being under suspicion. You should probably try to let it go for the sake of family relations.

Backstabbath · 29/10/2018 15:00

No child is going to admit doing it and now you have upset your adult DD.

Nothing good can come of pursuing this any further.

Let it drop and try and recover your relationship with your DD.

2ndbase · 29/10/2018 15:14

Does your Dad have form for this sort of thing?

Witchend · 29/10/2018 15:20

So your dd has said she didn't do it
You assume the school friends didn't do it.
Your nephews say they didn't do it...

Saying "I believe my dd but you shouldn't believe your dses is not going to go down well.

From experience I'd say it's just as likely one of the "good" children that you won't consider might do it.

JessicaJonesJacket · 29/10/2018 15:32

tbh the time to find out was when it happened but none of the adults were paying enough attention then (either to where the pen was left; where the mobile was or what all the children were doing). I know that sounds harsh but unless you're on top of everyone then you have to accept that you don't know who did it.
The fact is it seems as though you jumped to blaming your DGCs because it's easier. You couldn't ask school mums to ask their DCs again but you felt you could ask your DD. You owe her an apology. It could have been anyone.

llangennith · 29/10/2018 15:37

It was probably your older grandkids but you need to let it go. Next time they visit, put things like games' remotes and phones out of site. If they can't be trusted don't trust them.

StitchingMoss · 29/10/2018 15:39

@QuizzlyBear - does your nephews’ parent not realise that is not normal behaviour? Shock

This is why boys get such an awful reputation as we shrug off this as “not malicious”. It’s shocking and appalling - my boys have never broken anything like that, the occasional cup or plate but a shower screen??

Mossend · 29/10/2018 15:40

I can see how you're upset, I would be too but I also get why your DD is annoyed now.

They weren't the only DC's there and yes, circumstantial evidence may point to them, but that isn't enough evidence to accuse them.

I think it's one of these situations that you have to decide what you value more, your sofa or your relationship with your DD