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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't want baby to grow up

52 replies

Nocoletta · 29/10/2018 12:43

How do I get past this feeling? My baby was born a week ago. I'm in awe. Baby is beautiful and I can't stop staring.

I'm not enjoying any of it however as I'm aware of the fact that baby is going to grow up and there will reach a time where he no longer needs me in the same way. Won't rest his head on my chest when he sleeps. Won't breastfeed. Won't make those wonderful little noises...

I so strongly feel down and sad about this and it is affecting my life and time with little one.

Is this normal? Will I always feel like this?

OP posts:

MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 14:17

My mum cried when I told her I was pregnant 'my baby is grown up', erm I'm 34 married, home owner and a qualified professional, so I'm guessing it never completely goes away 🤷

Stormwhale · 29/10/2018 14:18

I really struggled with this with dd. Then I read something that shocked me out of it. The alternative is that your baby doesn't grow up. When I realised that I had been selfishly mourning the loss of each baby stage while bereaved parents mourned the loss of their child, I gave myself a huge talking to. Those parents would give anything for their child to keep growing up, and it has all been taken from them.

I now celebrate every development. I am thrilled that she has started school and is learning to read. She isn't a baby, toddler or preschooler any more. She is a child who I am incredibly lucky to watch growing up infront of me.

EssentialHummus · 29/10/2018 14:20

I felt like this too OP, I get it. But DD is a year now - she smiles at me, laughs when we’re doing something funny, negotiates to get her way, comes up to me for a cuddle - it’s absolutely magical too.

riotlady · 29/10/2018 14:22

I felt this a lot too! My baby is now 7 months and I still feel a bit sad at the thought that one day she’ll leave home but it’s much less intense. Plus the stage she’s at now is just as lovely as the newborn stage- she’s so smiley and giggly it makes my heart melt!

DramaAlpaca · 29/10/2018 14:29

I felt like the OP when my third & last baby was tiny as I knew I'd never get to experience those intense feelings & emotions again.

One thing I never expected was that I'd still feel a bit emotional when my young adult DC move on to another stage in their lives. I reckon those feelings don't ever really go away.

DerelictWreck · 29/10/2018 14:30

I remember feeling like this - I was so concerned that she would grow up and become 'annoying' as I wasn't generally very good with kids.

But she gets so much more interesting every day! Watching them learn things and conquer stuff is so much fun.

Silversun83 · 29/10/2018 14:32

I didn't feel like this at all with my first.. maybe slightly more with my second (last) but I'm not really a baby person. With my first, I was just willing her to reach the next stage (she had reflux so like a PP, I just wanted her to grow out if it quickly!). It is so exciting to see them grow and develop and learn new things and I much prefer my DD at two to when she was a newborn (I also like the fact their reliance on you reduces )

But that intensity of emotion and fixating on something like that is totally normal at one week post-partum. With my second, I was so upset and obsessed with the fact that I'd ruined my DD's life and I just wanted to be a family of three again (poor DS! ) I kept reminiscing about the last few days we'd had just with DD and getting so upset that we'd never have special time with just her again. I think the midwife who did my home checks was actually a little worried about the intensity of my feelings but I have always been super-sensitive to hormonal changes and it did lessen then pass completely in a few weeks.

So just hold tight and be kind to yourself. I knew deep down that it was just the 'baby blues' talking and it would pass but when you're in the thick of it it is so hard to believe that hormones can cause feelings that strong. But obviously if teh strength of feeling does last a bit longer than a few weeks, please have a chat with your HV

needsanewname · 29/10/2018 16:09

DD is 3.5 months old and I still feel like this! However, watching her engage and learn new things is also amazing to watch.

Original poster

Nocoletta · 29/10/2018 16:14

I'm desperate not to feel like this. Really praying that it will wear off. My baby blues are quite bad. I'm in tears a lot...

OP posts:

Silversun83 · 29/10/2018 16:58

It is a horrible feeling.. I remember bursting into tears so often, particularly in the first couple of weeks. In fact the baby blues are one of the reasons I wouldn't have another child (though not the only one!)... Even though I knew what it was the second time around, it didn't make it any easier. Try and also get as much fresh air as possible, brisk walking etc.

Silversun83 · 29/10/2018 16:59

I wish I was the type to just be able to snuggle down and enjoy the new baby days but I wouldn't go back to them if you paid me!

positivity123 · 29/10/2018 17:05

I howled for about three days that my DD was going to leave home, she was 5 days old at the time.
It's hormones. You'll start to enjoy it a bit more soon.
If I were you I would go somewhere and have a full on proper cry and let it all out.

dangermouseisace · 29/10/2018 17:18

It’s normal but honestly, every period seems like the “best” one so far. They all have their pros and cons. My oldest is 12 so I’m keeping an open mind about teenagerdom! But you will develop as a human as your baby develops. I remember staring in wonder at my baby for hours, but now give me a baby and after 5 mins I’m like “right, that’s enough!” and I’m glad those days are over!

spugzbunny · 29/10/2018 17:19

This is all totally normal! About 6 days after giving birth I was crying most of the day. Mostly about how I couldn't imagine how my husband could possibly love me as much as I love him and how my baby was so perfect that I never wanted her to change! It'll pass! It's a really tough couple of weeks but by week 3/4 you feel much more human!

crosstalk · 29/10/2018 17:21

If your baby blues are consistently bad, talk to your health visitor or GP. Being in love with your newborn and cherishing every bit of him is one thing. Getting depressed about his future in 4/6/12 years time when he needs you less and less is another.

Just enjoy these moments and look forward to how much he develops day by day and how much you can help him now.

AndBabyMakes3 · 29/10/2018 17:22

Oh OP. First of all huge congratulations. Secondly; what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. It is your hormones playing havoc with you right now. The easiest thing is to accept it for what it is; bawl your eyes out when you need to and do not bottle it up. When my DC was 3 days old I cried hysterically every time someone so much as asked me how I was. My DH was extremely worried about me but it eventually passed. Enjoy this time you have with your newborn but do not put any prrssure on yourself. If you feel like you are struggling please talk to someone but I can guarantee this will pass and you will look back and laugh at what a state you were in (8 months on and my baby is now napping next to me)

@CheeseCrackersAndWine

A1ways · 29/10/2018 17:28

My 16 year old DD has just given me the biggest hug, head nestled on my chest as we chatted about her frustrations with A level homework.

She’s the cuddliest girl and I adore her. They may grow up, but cuddles with them don’t necessarily have to stop.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 29/10/2018 17:31

The thing is that they get more interesting, more fun, more lovable, more interactive, more expressive, more amusing with age. I have teens and I have enjoyed each stage fully. No way would I want a newborn again despite throughly enjoying the new born stage at the time.

footballmum · 29/10/2018 17:38

I’m with Storm on this one. I know you don’t mean it that way but the alternative could be that they don’t grow up. I often look back over old photos at the cute little toddlers I had when I have now have two barely verbal teens But others are right. Every age brings new joys, laughs, tears and challenges. Cherish them all

TheSpooktacular · 29/10/2018 17:38

My 4 year old is snuggled up to me right now. The cuddles don’t have to stop.

If you think you’re struggling though at all, please talk to your HV or GP.

TonTonMacoute · 29/10/2018 17:50

It's probably partly post birth hormones, and it will pass. I'm sure that you will enjoy his growing up, especially the bit when they 💕 you more than anybody else in the whole world!

My DS is a smashing 19 year old, we are close and have great laughs together, but I sometimes feel so sad that his younger selves have gone forever - it's almost like grief, so I do understand, and I don't think it is that unusual.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/10/2018 17:52

Give yourself another week as it could be baby blues

Minxmumma · 29/10/2018 18:00

My eldest dd is 22, youngest dd nearly 2. I adored them being tiny babies and to some extent loved the fact that the world couldn't hurt them. But watching them grow and change every single day is awesome and there are just amazing moments in there.

Some things change and some don't, at 22 when life or love goes down the pan the eldest still curls up on me. Still summons Dad to deal with the bogey man - via her mobile some days but hey......

Be kind to yourself, enjoy the moment xx

PushHop · 29/10/2018 18:32

I get you OP. But from experience, every little developmental stage is a new favourite.

My DS is adopted and came home at 13 months- he was a baby for a week and then very much a toddler! I miss him being so tiny but he also gets so much better with age. He's fascinating!

TillyTheTiger · 29/10/2018 18:41

I didn't feel like this until a bit later but DS is now 2y4m and I can't imagine ever loving a stage as much as I love this one. He is so cuddly and affectionate and says 'Mummy you're the best' and 'I love you to the moon and back' and still sometimes sleeps on me for naptime, but yet he's also so inquisitive and enthusiastic and energetic and says 'WOW!' ten times a day because the world is still so new to him - he's just amazing and despite the infinite joy of this time, my heart aches a little bit every day because soon he'll grow out of this stage and be a bit more independent. So I know exactly what you mean. I'm trying to savour the snuggles and forget the tantrums because it all goes so quickly!

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