To let my friend’s job come between us.

[Streambeam]

One of my dearest friends is now a life coach. She takes it very seriously and attends lots of classes on subjects ranging from the healing power of the mind to quantum physics and innumerable angles on psychology etc.

I am genuinely happy that she has found meaning and positivity in her life. But I do get the sense that she now sees herself as ‘enlightened’ which I do find pretty annoying. We don’t live near each other, so every time we catch up I feel like I’m getting lectured / drip-fed by her about what is ‘really going on in life’ and what I ‘really need to be happy’.

There’s no debate or conversation about this, she has decided what is true and who is right. I am genuinely interested in some of it, but I like to think critically and debate ideas, I have a phd in a social science sibject, I am interested in discussing human nature but she bristles or looks on sadly if I offer any sort of challenge or counterpoint to her philosophy on life.
Times spent with her are no longer fun but frustrating! What can I do?! I don’t want to lose her, for the 15 years before she moved away we had a brilliant friendship. But I don’t know how to get that back 🙁

I think most of us have had, or will have, a friend that ends up doing this.

In my case I largely backed off from contacting her (still sent birthday/Christmas cards/invited her to parties etc but stopped spending time 1:1), I was friendly but brief when she contacted me, a couple of years later she woke up to the absolute clap trap she’d been spouting and turned pretty normal again! She eventually thanked me for not ditching her completely as many of her friends had, and she apologised for acting like a complete bellend 🤣. It’s nice to have her and her sarcastic & jaded self back!

...another friend ‘found religion’ in a very ‘shove it down your throat’ way. I tried the same approach but ultimately I just had to completely stop contacting her. It was that or shove her under the patio. It’s sad, I miss who she was, but I simply can’t cope with who she has become or what she tries to do - make everyone find ‘her religion’. It’s sad because it’s like a friend dying, but she’s still alive.

TRY just giving her a lot space...and see what happens. Only be blunt if you are forced to be.

OH wow - so many of you have had this sort of experience with a friend. I've got one of these people in my life, too, and I don't know how to deal with her, either. Sorry I don't have any answers, OP, but at least you know you are not alone.

These are some of the most annoying people on the planet. I always avoid them.

My friend is clearly on a starvation diet and looks great. A small compliment resulted on a mini lecture on how she never weighs herself and is not interested in her body image. This is completely opposite to what she said six months ago.

Ah, a “life coach”. One of those inauthentic bullshit “jobs” in which you rip off stupid people, dispensing your “wisdom” (which can only be learned by doing a 3 day online life coaching course), and there is no actual quantifiable outcome.

I have one on Facebook. She’s never been able to hold down a proper job, has worked her way through all of the MLM’s, her partner got sick of her and kicked her scrounging arse out of his house and that gave her a “lightbulb moment”. Now she’s a life coach, doing live feeds on Facebook which actually make me laugh out loud about how amazing and successful her life is. Whilst living out of her parents spare bedroom. In her 30’s. With little to no income.

Don't get me started on MLM!

I have given up trying to discreetly remove myself from friends' relentless MLM FB groups as they somehow seem to cotton on within half an hour and add me straight back in. Staying a member but unfollowing seems the only answer with that one.

The similarity between LC and MLM hadn't occurred to me before but you are right!

It’s all so generic and bullshitty isn’t it... This is from her life coaching page, it’s also a post she used, word for word, when trying to recruit people to start selling Arbonne

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I think I’ve just lost a friend to Bio-Energy -
The one with the little yellow pill? She’s just come back from the USA banging on about bio hacking her body/ageing process. I just feel sorry for her. We have lots of friends on Facebook in common but the only ones liking her updates are her MLM ‘hun’ mates. Urgh.

This sounds absolutely nothing like life coaching as i’ve experienced it. What on Earth is she actually doing?

@TheOneWith I can feel my blood pressure rise just reading that...

Sorry OP that sucks. Maybe give her some time though, if this is a relatively recent thing and she was great before? It might just be a fad.

I had a slightly similar situation with a friend who became an evangelical christian. She was perfectly normal and fun before but all of a sudden she was lecturing everyone about going to hell. I just distances myself for a bit and she calmed down eventually. She still goes to church but knows not to discuss religion with her non-religious friends now. Glad to have her back in my life!

*distanced

No Littlecaf Bio-Energy is wafting your hands around someone to align them. Or something.

Seriously, it's just wafting. It's batshit. People used to go to her for sports injuries! She'd waft around their knee and say "you may feel it getting warmer..." and the poor gullible fools would go "I think it is! Yes, I'm sure it is!" and hand over several notes (cash only, mind) and go home and tell all their friends.

Honestly it is so cringe.

@venusinspurs I have just looked up Landmark and that is EXACTLY the sort of thing my friend is into!!

It’s frustrating because it’s more sophisticated than your run of the mill MLM and there are actually some useful and helpful ideas in there, as a thinking exercise, but that’s all they are- IDEAS which may or may not be helpful to certain perople at certain times of their lives!

But my friend acts like she holds scientific and psychological Truths that apply to everyone but that aren’t mainstream “because Big Pharma” and she is going to spread the word and free us all from our shackles.

TryingToBeAGoodDaughter - yes Landmark, and that's EXACTLY the sort of thing that happened! My friend , her DH and two other couples all went on the course - It was like Reservoir Dogs the Remake By Mike Leigh in terms of fall out and casualties. They were all encouraged to drop truth bombs here there and everywhere in the belief that it would make everyone stronger.

It didn't.

Im sorry op. I think you need to cut and run. I have a friend who has found juice plus and now declared herself to be a nutritionist. She bangs on and on about how she has revolutionised her life with 'magic beans' (v expensive vitamins) and 'good nutrition' and posts picture after picture of salad with chicken, telling people to contact her for the recipe and 'unlock the key to a better, healthier life'. I made the mistake of asking her where she did her degree and got back a load of shit about how she didnt need a degree to be a nutritionist because of her training with Juice Plus - apparently, they could train me too! Then I could give up my very decent salary to earn 'real money' and change my life. Telling her that you do need a degree to be a nutritionist resulted in me being labelled 'a haterrrr'. The shame!

Oh god, I am having horrible flashbacks about Landmark - were they called Landmark Forum or something similar?

I have a friend like that, except she became a hypnotherapist overnight (well actually it was a 2-week course) and is now apparently qualified to cure all ills from arthritis to cancer 

Hit post too soon... I see less of her now and try to keep off the subject when I do see her!

One of my cousins got into Forever Aloe, and then became a “business coach”.

Her Instagram is full of #careermum #workfromhome #laptoplifestyle etc etc.

It’s a shame. At a family event recently she kept asking people if they needed career/life advice. It was embarrassing. And sadly, I agree with pp that a lot of the people who fall for this stuff aren’t the type of people you’d take life advice from.

I too have a "friend" who trained to become a life coach and bereavement counsellor. A mutual friends husband died very quickly from MND. First girls night out (drinks in a pub rather than a wild night out) LC was asking friend really personal questions and trying to counsel her when she really wasn't in a great frame of mind. She was relentless. She got told to shut up in the end. She's another who never seems to have held down a proper job yet now seems to earn shit loads of money telling people how to change their lives when she has limited life experience. I can't stand her and keep my distance.

Oh yes the "faith based professions" (think cult). Your friend has been brainwashed into a clear replacement religion. You can reason with this crap and if they move on from this one there will be another waiting in the wings. They have all of the answers to the universe now.

You'll be required to be indoctrinated if your friendship should continue. Just cut your losses now.

Ugh, I know a few people like this. They are always the least qualified people on the planet to advise other people on how to 'succeed'.

Thankfully the ones I know are on the peripheries of groups I know, so easy to avoid. If they were close friends or something, I'd have to cut them off.

I did Landmark 20 years ago. Bloody loved it. Sorted my life right out.

Luckybird: glad it worked for you.

But did you sort your life out by telling others they were not good enough in bed and you had always fancied your mate’s DH?