To just get them gift cards?

[survivalmode]

DH's family, I mean, for Christmas. Every year I choose gifts for his family, things I think they'll like that cost a fair bit. We don't tend to get similarly thoughtful gifts back.

I get that they're too busy. Or maybe I'm choosing them awful things, I don't even know any more. I just can't spare them the brain space this year. I have a new baby, PSD and preschooler with ASD. I'm in survival mode.

So AIBU to just buy them gift cards for their favourite stores?

You need to stop enabling your DH's behaviour. His family, his gift problem. Not yours. Tell him that you are too busy to be organising gifts for his family considering you have two young DC, one a newborn and you're unwell with PND. He will be organising the gifts, not you. When he doesn't and ILs start complaining tell them that they can take it up with their son as he was supposed to sort the gifts. This is just typical wifework.Not your problem.

Just tell them. An email

Just to let you all know that this year we will not be doing gifts at Christmas.

Trying to change the dynamic of Christmas gifting between you and your husband is likely a battle for another time. Like you, I do the in law gift buying and like you it would reflect badly on me when it wasn't done. Or it would be done with much stress and bluster 48 hours before the gifts were needed.

I would take the path of least resistance. Gift cards. Do not bring a Christmas present debate into your life this year. No emotional investment, no argument about whether you are buying gifts.

Buy them in the post office in one go.

Score it off your list.

As an example, his DSis suggested I keep a pocket book where I logged all my spending so that he could keep track of how I was spending our money.

And is she still speaking to you after you told her to fuck off and mind her own business? You did tell her that didn't you?

I mean seriously there is so much wrong with this attitude - that your DH should monitor your spending and you should be accountable to him, that it is any of her business in the first place.

Even if you did not tell her in quite so robust terms how ridiculous and rude she was being please say you didn't meekly agree or say nothing to her.

I am getting the feeling the present issue is the tip of the ice berg here.

I feel like @mouthkisses gets it here. I agree. Boots cards for everyone!

because she's agreeing with facilitating your adult DH. Well, go for it and I guarantee you'll be back on here with a similar complaint soon enough.

I'm agreeing to a path of least resistance for OP at this difficult point in her life. The OH issue is a battle for another day. It doesn't mean I think it's ok or not something to be tackled down the line.

Make it posher vouchers, John Lewis rather than Tesco. Job done!

OP, I am with you! In fact I just started a thread essentially with the same issue...

My in laws are very difficult to buy for, even when they buy for themselves most of the stuff gets returned due to fussiness and difficulty making decisions. We switched to gift cards a few years ago and now everyone is happy.

I got a roasting dish the year before last. Then a knife sharpener and the men's shower gel. All mid/high range. All useful, granted. But you try acting excited opening a gift of a roasting dish on Christmas Day. I'm not even sure Meryl Streep could, tbh.