to worry how this will affect us?

[ArtyFartyQueen]

DH is likely to be offered a new job tomorrow. The job will be a big lifestyle change for us. It will go from DH working 15 mins away, 9-5, Monday to Friday and occasional on call to DH working away most weeks Monday - Thursday and if not away, he’ll be at home training. It’s a big promotion, and an exciting prospect for DH who has become disheartened in his current job.

I’m in two minds about it, and anxious about how it will change our family dynamic and how DH will cope without the regular comaderie he has with his mates at work.

We have two children with special needs, plus one parent who is having end of life care at a care home (death not imminent though) and I am normally out 2-3 nights a week working which obviously will need to change or need to find a babysitter!

Wondered if there was anyone out there whose DH works away and how you cope with it?

Obviously if he’s not there to pull his weight and cover your workshifts then he will need to pay someone to lighten your load

You get used to it.

You need to sit down and be brutally honest about how it will work. Will you cope solo with day to day plus working?

Will you need any back up to that - childminder/cleaner/grass cutter?

Also one of the most crucial things for me is - what will happen when your DH is home? For me it was important that the routines that I put in place while he was away mostly continued. So no disney dad undermining.

Are the negatives going to outweigh the positives? And is it a long term plan or short term for the better pay/promotion opportunities.

Thanks both. I’ll defintely need to find a babysitter (one that is good with children who have special needs) as I’m out for definite one night a week and it’s not something I’m prepared to give up.

There’s a significant wage increase with the new job which would obviously help and I am used to being on my own as I was a single mum for around 5 years before I met DH.

One of the things I’m concerned about is how DH will cope and how are weekends will need to change - currently he spends a lot of time gaming etc and I’ve told him that won’t be able to happen if he’s away all week as we’ll need to spend quality time together as a family and also give me a bit of a break!

I’m also anxious about how DS 8 especially is going to cope with not seeing his Dad as much but I guess only time will tell.

DH is worried that he starts the job and then regrets it!

....not an easy decision!

DH works away regularly, it can be erratic and that's a challenge because there's no consistency for the DC. We cope by keeping things as routined as possible where we can, by being busy and the DC FaceTime DH each day, too.

DS1 has ASD and needs routine, more so than DS2. He copes better than I'd have imagined with DH's work, but me being here has been the non-negotiable (I teach so my hours work around the DC).

I think all you can do is sit down together and go through what you can put in place to ensure you both get what you can from his job change. If you need support, put it in place pre-emptively rather than him going off and you feeling resentful. And if it doesn't work for you both, you have to be able to talk about it openly.

So DH has been offered the job....and it looks like he’s going to take it!

Survival strategies please?!