To buy a friend a lampshade?

[AuntieBulgaria]

I have a very lovely friend that I have known a very long time. She's lived in her house for over 10 years - it's a perfectly alright place but she and her dh don't have a lot of spare money and she's not that fussed about decorating.

The lights in the upstairs hallway are just lightbulbs - no lampshades. Would it be insulting or thoughtful if I bought her some? I'm thinking plain, inexpensive Ikea paper shades.

If she’s not that fussed about decorating then no, I wouldn’t. If it’s been 10 years without them she probably doesn’t care and it could be seen as insulting to just buy her some. Perhaps if you had a spare and were wanting to pass it on..

I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s the sort of thing you need to choose for yourself.

Wow are you my friend?

I’ve had no light shade on the landing for a while now. Equally my house hasn’t been decorated in years. Mostly because of money but also because decorating is my definition of Hell on Earth.

But I’d be offended if a friend bought me one as I don’t have one through choice. The old one irritated me and since I am planning to decorate eventually I want to wait and pick one that matches.

Honestly. Don’t do this. I’m sure you can give your friend a gift that wouldn’t offend if you really want to.

How weird. Why does it bother you?

Nope don’t do that. It’s a bit judgey. If you like then get her a Next or some sort of voucher for Christmas that she could choose something like that if she likes but don’t do it as “fixing” something for her.

We have bare lightbulbs in the hallway upstairs. It’s very dark with shades on them so we don’t like them!

That would be strange and she could take offense. I wouldn't op. Could you tell her you have some lying around and ask if she wants them?

Ok, thanks. That pretty much confirms what I thought, hence posting. I will not offer furnishings.

It might bother me very slightly, in the sense that it feels unfinished this way - I've just got into the habit of noticing it.

We have a wonderful time when we visit though because she's a caring and generous person so I wouldn't want to do a thing that could upset her. I have bought lots of nice and non-insulting pressies for her over the years.

Ikea paper ones? Smacks a bit of "you can't afford anything, these'll do for you". It's acknowledging your judgement that they've never chosen to put a fiver towards a couple of uplighters if you buy cheap ones, presumptive of their taste if you get nicer ones.

I really wouldn't go buying ANYONE home decor.

It would be like you not so subtly letting her know that you disapprove of her having no lampshades. There could be lots of legitimate reasons why she doesn't have them.

I would personally be offended if someone tried to impose their taste and views on me like that. Also, it's a bit crass to so obviously make it known that you noticed.

It might bother me very slightly, in the sense that it feels unfinished this way - I've just got into the habit of noticing it.

It's a bit judgy and not very nice of you then. I don't think you'd like it if they in turn found fault with little things in your house.

It’s the kind of thing you can only get away with if you know someone well enough to say outright that their bare bulb makes your teeth itch.

Of course, they also have to know you well enough to tell you to fuck and mind your own cheese back- should they so desire.

Don’t try and be nice about it tho. It’s patronising. If you can go to IKEA/Wilko and buy one for a couple of quid, then so could she have if she wanted to.

We don’t have lampshades on any hanging lamps but we do have very smart lightbulbs.

Lampshades are a bit net curtain in the wrong place. I wouldn’t like them in a hallway, kitchen or bathroom.

That's fair, ReadMyLips. There are lots of faults to be found in my home.

I've a couple of light fittings with bare bulbs. It sounds daft, but we've been in the house over ten years, haven't got round to getting lampshades as we've had more important things to sort out, and we don't even notice the bare bulbs now tbh. But to get to the point, I'd be really offended if a friend bought me lampshades or any other home decor item. I'm also very fussy so chances are I wouldn't like them anyway.

Buy her a present that reminds you of the lovely times you’ve had together.

One of my friends bought me an iron once (I only iron work/special occasion clothes on the day I need them).
We’re still friends but something has irrecoverably shifted .

I'm not sure about a lampshade, unless you slipped into conversation you saw one that would look lovely in her hallway and gauge her reaction from that.
I always buy my friends gifts to dot around their houses. I know them well enough to know their style, their taste and what would look nice in their home.
Luckily they have all really appreciated the gifts and do display them! I would be mortified if they didn't though.

I would love to be given a nice lampshade or lamp (not expensive necessarily, but something dexorative), but plain paper ikea ones would leave me a bit cold and wondering why my lampshadeless-ness bothered you.