to think this is PND?

[Nocoletta]

I'm really sorry to be posting in AIBU for traffic but in desperate need of advice and don't really know what to do.

I gave birth last weekend to a beautiful little boy. I am so in love with him (a little too much I think) and can't stand to even be in a different room to him.

I'm having the following symptoms post delivery:

• don't want to be in a different room to DS
• crying constantly over anything everything
• reliving the birth (it was traumatic and I can't stand to be in water now. The idea of running a bath panics me).
• wishing DP would just go away. I want it to just be me and my son. DP is useless to me at the moment (this isn't true but in my head this is how I feel. It's awful. I'm awful).
• getting internally angry whenever anyone else holds DS (I cover this up really well as I know it is unreasonable)
• feel traumatised by the birth. It was awful, I can't talk about it without crying.
• essentially I want to be in a room, on my own with DS. I don't want to hear from anyone. I just want to hibernate with my baby.

I feel awful. I feel happy sometimes and unbelievably anxious and sad at others.

Is this normal baby blues? Could I have PND already? I feel like a useless mum and am in tears writing this post.

Any advice?

It could be PND but it sounds more like trauma to me. To be honest whatever label you have doesn't matter, feeling better is all that counts. Sleep deprivation, hormones etc they can play a huge part in how we process things. Your health visitor and Dr will be able to help you, either way there's no shame in how your feeling. Nearly everyone I know has dealt with mental health issues :)

Are you still under the care of a midwife unit? If so then talk to your midwife as soon as you can. PTSD is a possibility after a particularly traumatic birth, doctors should also be able to help with talking therapy if they feel you need some help with any aspect and you should be a priority for any waiting list (I realise this might depend on where you live though). Basically find someone to talk through it with and go from there.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sat on the sofa now. DP is holding DS. I hate it. I want him back. It's driving me insane not having hold of him. It's ridiculous because he's his dad but I just don't know why I feel this way. I want to scream 'fuck off and leave me alone' to the whole world...

I have a six week old and I’ve felt a lot of the things you describe at some point or another. As other posters say, speak to someone about your feelings but in the meantime please know that it’s okay to pull up the drawbridge and have time by yourself with the baby. You aren’t obliged to have any visitors at all.

Hormones and sleep deprivation are disorientating enough by themselves, even without a traumatic birth to deal with, so be kind to yourself and know that you will absolutely not feel like this forever. Congratulations on your baby boy!

The first month with the first baby is always a car crash. Give yourself a chance! It sounds like you had a traumatic birth and it's very normal to replay it over in your mind (even if you have easy births) for a long while afterwards. You've been through one of the most life changing events you'll ever experience and you need to give yourself time to process your new situation. Other people should recognise that and be considerate. If they're not, let them know. People get stupid over new babies and ignore what's gone on for the mother. I also know from experience that it's completely normal to loathe your partner (and your Mum and his Mum and everyone else). If you'd been in an accident, they would leave you alone to recuperate but with a baby it's different, because everyone feels the need to be involved. If hibernating with baby is what you want to do, go ahead! Tell people when they can visit and for how long, then you have to rest. Partner should be backing you up on that front too. At the same time, getting out of the house in the early weeks even if it was just to the supermarket and showing baby off was one of the best bits with my two. Take whatever fresh air and sunshine you can get before the winter sets in (Christmas baby, months in the house).

I had crippling PND which I didn't acknowledge until my DD was 10 months old. Second baby I knew I didn't feel right at 4 weeks and asked for medication. Sertraline has been a miracle for me and I now feel better than I have in 20 years.

Sending you a proper hug. It will get easier. Now please go and snuggle your baby. Tomorrow is another day...

Doesn't sound like PND, sounds like you've just had a baby

Google the fourth trimester

@Attheendofthedayitgetsdark googling now, I really hope you're right...

I felt a lot of those emotions. You're still really hormonal - hormones get worse, not better, after the birth. I think it will settle - it did for me.