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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil keeps bringing up our weight when shes overweight herself

31 replies

Bond0O7 · 28/10/2018 14:01

Annoys me everytime we see her. She always says something about our weight mainly hubby's weight. I'm a size 12 and hubby is a mens large and mil wears a size 24. She is always going on about what we should eat and if we dare drink a coke or eat a pack of crisps infront of her we will hear some remark about watching our weight. The tone is in the most derogatory way ever! If one of us ever comments back jokingly about her weight she has a cry but its getting on our nerves now!
When we go to the shops together she asks me how much carbs are in this food yet for lunch she just had a crumbed chicken with chips and a chocolate milkshake 🤨 so

Aibu to tell her to shove it!

OP posts:
Drasdaser · 28/10/2018 14:08

YANBU! Just tell her that you and dh are in healthy bmi range( I don't know if you are but even if you're not) thankyou very much and let it go over your head even though I would really be annoyed at her comments! It's clearly herself she has issues with and shouldn't be a hypocrite.

ShalomJackie · 28/10/2018 14:10

Maybe she is worried that you may end up having the weight problem she now faces. It is possible she has some health problems related to her weight and she doesn't want you or her son to go thriugh what she is but doesn't know how to bring it up/ tell you.

Aprilislonggone · 28/10/2018 14:10

Maybe suggest all 3 of you get gym memberships for Christmas.....

Butterymuffin · 28/10/2018 14:12

'Good point, maybe we should all go to Boots after this and all check our weight and BMI measurements' Wink

Original poster
Bond0O7 · 28/10/2018 14:17

Drasdaser- yup very hypocritical of her. I think she keeps saying things coz she knows we don't want to upset her if we do say something back. I'm a sahm baby is 10 months old so we get plenty of exercise with walking.

ShalomJackie. Doctors have told her she needs to lose weight or her lift expectancy will shorten but that obviously hasn't scared her. If she does come over she pops by the bakery to get cream filled buns or something.

Aprilislonggone 🤣 I wouldn't mind if I got a gym membership gives me a chance to get out of the house without baby but She has a gym membership but goes once a week but we know for a fact she eats crap food afterwards so she is obviously not taking it seriously. Hubby wants to talk to her seriously about her weight but we all know she will just get upset.

OP posts:
Thehop · 28/10/2018 14:19

I’d be brutal and giver her back “Pahahahaha that’s enough now cheeky! You can’t call us on food until your BMI is down to normal!”

Drasdaser · 28/10/2018 14:25

As another poster said she may just not want you to end up like her, but then again she should be open and say her concerns about that.
It's still wrong to comment on you though when she's so big in comparison .
Next time you're having coke or crisps or whatever in front of her, enjoy them and say a little of what you fancy does you good. And that it's not a regular thing you do! Don't let her get you down. You have enough on with being a SAHM with young child. Good luck!

Babybearsporij · 28/10/2018 14:40

My MIL does this as well. She's been trying to lose weight for years and keeps getting bigger. I was never massive, but lost a decent chunk of weight a couple of years ago and have kept it off, now she's saying I'm too skinny, haha, can't win!

I'd just ignore and move on.

AnnaMagnani · 28/10/2018 14:41

'Is there a reason you keep asking us about our weight?'

Ignore tears, just ask.

My DM went through a phase of making comments about my weight before I'd even got my shoes off in the porch. If I challenged her about it, she cried as 'she only cared'.

However she did give up when it was clear I was having none of it and tears were not putting me off challenging it. She has her own food issues and I think it was projection. It does not come up now and we have stress free times together.

She had a point but it didn't work as I was fat then, and fat now. She just made me more defensively fat

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2018 14:43

Clothes sizes do absolutely nothing to indicate whether someone is overweight or not.

I'd be very concerned for my 'kids' if they became overweight as adults, but I'd talk to them about it rather than carry on like your MIL is.

Also, if she's overweight herself, it's the equivalent to telling you both to stop smoking, but with a fag hanging out of her mouth.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2018 14:46

Doctors have told her she needs to lose weight or her lift expectancy will shorten but that obviously hasn't scared her.

You don't know it hasn't scared her, just because she hasn't done anything about it yet.

Well over half the population are overweight. They know the risks and yet it's not as simple as 'just losing it'.

Etino · 28/10/2018 14:53

We are all lower end of bmi and yet my ils are obsessed about weight and talk constantly make jokey comments- to the point of pointing out a grandchild's belly whichprotrudes because of pectus excavatus. I regularly lose my shit over it, and it improves for a short while.
Some people are just twats.

ladydickisathingapparently · 28/10/2018 14:55

Mine has been doing this to me for 25+ years. Sigh. I’m a pretty trim, marathon running, health-conscious Mum to her three grandsons, who are all very slim and get plenty of exercise. She does no exercise at all, was very slim until about ten years ago, but since then has become a little overweight. I wouldn’t dream of mentioning her weight yet every time I see her she says “ooh haven’t you put on weight!” It’s bizarre. I just ignore it because it’s so obviously untrue.

Feefeetrixabelle · 28/10/2018 14:57

Tell her you don’t want your child being bought up thinking it’s ok to be critical of peoples weight especially when the people being criticised are within a healthy weight range and to pack it in.

Pebblespony · 28/10/2018 14:57

Your DH needs to have a word with her. After that if she brings it up, you bring it up and let her cry.

Sugarformyhoney · 28/10/2018 15:00

My FIL commented on how fat I was getting (size 12 a year or two post 3 babies in 4 years) but seemed oblivious to his wife sat next to him who was twice my size 🙄🙄
Just totally ignore her and comment that you don’t need to worry about your weight, given YOU have s healthy bmi

Pebblespony · 28/10/2018 15:00

I actually work with someone lime this. She's very overweight, has diabetes which causes her to miss lots of work and is constantly stuffing her face with crap. Yet she thinks it's grand to make holier than thou remarks of someone has a bowl of chips. We all hate her. Even her manager wishes she'd shut up. She's just an unpleasant hypocrite.

totallywired · 28/10/2018 15:01

You and your DH should start crying when she makes comments.

Pebblespony · 28/10/2018 15:01

Sorry, typos aplenty there!

Sparklesocks · 28/10/2018 15:04

That’s a classic thing people insecure about their own weight do, project it into others.

A friend of mine’s girlfriend is like this, she is forever dieting (despite being quite big) and constantly comments on what you are eating or how calorific it is. If she tells me ‘there are x calories in that you know’ I just deflect it and say ‘oh good thing you’re not eating it then!’ And give her a smile. Or ‘mmm I know but it’s sooo tasty.’
‘I’m here for a good time not a long time.’
Usually shuts her up.

Sparklesocks · 28/10/2018 15:06

Also as a general rule - you shouldn’t comment on other people’s food unless it’s ‘that looks nice!’.
You never know if someone is recovering from an ED or struggling with their body image so it’s best just to avoid it.

Italiangreyhound · 28/10/2018 15:06

Bond0O7 Just tell her politely you don't want to talk about weight, unless she wants advice from you.

"Hubby wants to talk to her seriously about her weight but we all know she will just get upset."

I'd leave it to him. If your dh is overweight, why doesn't he offer to go to the gym with his mum or do something else to help her. It's really between them, I think.

Overeating and being overweight has as much to do with the mind as the body, IMHO. Until she fixes whatever is driving her to eat cream buns and 'crap food' she probably won't lose weight.

If the bit that bothers you is the fact she talks to you about it, I'd just ask her not to and then stop her if she tries.

But if you are genuinely worried about her weight and she can afford to see a counsellor, I'd suggest that. Or a really good weight loss plan but again, unless her heart is in it, I am not sure it will work. (Speaking from experience.)

UpstartCrow · 28/10/2018 15:10

Make a new rule for her and the kids - discussions about food can only be about whether you enjoy it or not, and if you'd like to have it again.
From that point on shut her down and change the subject if she breaks the rule.
Kids need adults to have healthy attitudes to food and eating. Apart from being irritating, she isn't doing your kids any favours.

livefornaps · 28/10/2018 15:13

Just make pig snorting sounds and tell her to shut the fat old sow.

darklady64 · 28/10/2018 15:19

We had friends like this - every time we went to see them, they'd make some remark like, "oh, you've put on a bit, haven't you?" or similar. They weren't exactly trim themselves. It was driving me nuts, and the next time they did it I just turned to DH and said (with standard tinkly laugh) "ha ha, you owe me a fiver - I said they'd mention someone's weight in the first ten minutes". They didn't do it again.

I'm a cow, though. You are probably nicer than me, so just ignore and think about something else Smile