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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask him to stay home tonight to help with sick children

33 replies

zofloraqueen · 28/10/2018 12:37

My husband is out at an event today in relation to his hobby and will come home about 5 to change and then head out with with friends for the night. All this was pre planned. On Friday ds was sick and I had to take a day off work to care for him. He continued being sick all day yesterday and now dd 18 months is also being sick with d and v. AIBU to expect DH to cancel his plans tonight to help with the constant changing of clothes. In normal circumstances I'd be fine but I'm 37 weeks pregnant. Not sure if I should suck it up or ask

OP posts:
thenightsky · 28/10/2018 12:39

Of course he should. I'd go so far as to say he should have stayed home today too, instead of pissing off hobbying.

allyouneedis · 28/10/2018 12:39

I would ask him to cancel tonight’s drinks to stay home and help.

strawberrie · 28/10/2018 12:40

37 weeks pregnant and 2 vomiting kids?!

Your DH was bloody lucky to get to his activity today. He should be home promptly when it finishes to let you get some rest, no question x

3TresTrois · 28/10/2018 12:40

Given you’re heavily pregnant, absolutely he should be staying home to help out!

Neshoma · 28/10/2018 12:52

See how the kids are and tell him to go but could he come home at the first opportunity,

Quartz2208 · 28/10/2018 12:58

To be honest you should not have too - he should recognise that his family needs him

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 28/10/2018 13:10

He's a selfish arse for going in the first place. No way should he be going tonight and I'd phone him to come home now. All this 'hobby' bollocks men seem to do on MN, it's always to the detriment of their wives and partners.

mindutopia · 28/10/2018 13:10

Of course he should. You aren’t the nanny, you’re both equally responsible for parenting and actually in quite a vulnerable position in terms of being at risk of infection being heavily pregnant. My dh would not have even been out doing a hobby all day. He would have been home doing everything so I could rest and keep myself well. For that matter, he didn’t even have a night out with friends from 34 weeks just in case I went into labour.

Creatureofthenight · 28/10/2018 13:13

Definitely NBU. You shouldn’t have to ask, he should be asking you if he should stay. In fact forget asking, he should have just cancelled his plans himself.

babbscrabbs · 28/10/2018 13:17

Just no. 37 weeks pregnant is at term. You could go into labour any minute. Add in two sick kids and he's pretty selfish for going out all day let alone in the evening too.

I hope he's not planning a boozy night out if he does go (which he shouldn't).

Parker231 · 28/10/2018 13:19

Why did he go on his hobby today? He should have looked after the DC’s, whether ill or not, to give you a break. Does he normally avoid responsibilities? I’m all for having hobbies but not when they impact onto the rest of the family negatively. He’s missed out on a day at the weekend with his DC’s.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/10/2018 13:21

Wow. I went mental at my husband for making me empty a potty from my ill toddler with a dodgy tummy incase I got sick. To be fair he was on the phone on a work phone at the time. I did get sick. I'd have expected him to stay and help as 2 kids with stuff coming out both ends is really hard to manage with just one person. That's if you're not pregnant. Given you're pregnant I would have thought he would have wanted you to keep well and be trying to deal with most of it by himself. It's not fun getting sick when you're pregnant, firstly you're much more likely to catch it and secondly it's much harder to keep yourself hydrated and much more dangerous if you get dehydrated.

So I'd be telling him to stay at home and look after them while you get some rest.

Make sure you have lots of rehydration stuff handy for you incase you get it, some back up for child care, and drink loads of water the next few days just in case. And go straight to hospital if any changes to baby's movements

letsdolunch321 · 28/10/2018 13:22

Have to agree he should be home now helping you out selfish man.

My exh had too many hobbies that came before use !!

Dvg · 28/10/2018 13:28

sorry but my partner wouldn't even have to be told, he would not leave me alone in those circumstances

halcyondays · 28/10/2018 13:29

definitely yanbu

Dodie66 · 28/10/2018 13:31

I would tell him to stay home not ask him

TheSpooktacular · 28/10/2018 13:32

Mine wouldn’t have to be told.

Scottishgirl85 · 28/10/2018 13:35

Goodness no way my husband would leave me with two d+v kids, never mind being pregnant on top. I wouldn't even have to ask. That will be dangerous and highly unpleasant if you catch it, and could trigger labour.

NotMyNameButHereForever · 28/10/2018 13:36

OFC he should be home! I'm bewildered you're even asking TBH.

And also hate it - hate it hate it HATE IT - when people refer to their OHs as 'helping'. He's their other parent FFS, not a mate you're asking a favour of! Is this the normal way stuff in your house is - IE would he genuinely see this as his 'helping' as opposed to just parenting?

Can't believe I'm even writing this but if he protests, tell him you've spoken to the midwife and they've said you need to stay away from the kids who clearly have a D&V bug - can you imagine if you pick it up and then go into labour whilst suffering from it? Beyond grim for you and a fairly clear health risk to the staff/other mums/newborns.

blueskiesandforests · 28/10/2018 13:37

The men with hobbies involving events are often arrogant selfish misogynistic types aren't they...

blueskiesandforests · 28/10/2018 13:38

Cycling or triathlon/ iron man shit perhaps?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/10/2018 13:38

Tell him that he has obligations, and that he has to stay at home to help you look after his sick kids. Very selfish man.

blueskiesandforests · 28/10/2018 13:38

Or rugby?

ohdeardeardear · 28/10/2018 13:39

Yes absolutely he needs to stay home! He shouldn't have even gone today!

NotMyNameButHereForever · 28/10/2018 13:41

Off topic but seems to always be cycling that posters refer to cryptically as their OH's 'hobby' as if somehow saying 'cycling' would be too outing!

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