OTT worry about my newborn.

[WaterWellies]

I have a brand new little boy. He's beautiful and I am completely in awe of him. I had a very complicated pregnancy, a difficult birth and a short stay in hospital afterwards. A tough few months and it's affected me quite severely.

I'm anxious. I can't sleep because I'm scared something will happen to him in his sleep. I have dreams of SIDS which I wake up sweating from. I don't like being in the other room from him. I'm convinced his heel prick test is going to find something terrible. He's not breastfeeding properly which I feel awful about. I'm desperately trying to get it to work. He was only 5lb2 when he was born, he's so tiny and fragile (and lovely).

Is it normal to feel this anxious? Am I being ridiculous? I feel like a bit of a mess and just want him to be ok.

I strongly advise you to speak to your GP and HV. I felt like this and was diagnosed with PND. Nothing wrong with that but please do seek the help that you need, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Please get help asap - phone your GP practice tomorrow morning and make it clear you need an emergency appointment.

So, it's not normal to feel like this?

No it’s not. Some anxiety is normal but this is not. I also had a 5lb baby and I remember even when he was a chubby 6 month old obsessing about feeding him because in my head he was still the smallest baby on the post natal Ward.

No it's not normal and could only escalate if you don't get help. In the meantime try to eat well and sleep as much as you can.

In regard to breastfeeding, please see a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant. It is hard work when they're tiny but support is there and can make the world of difference. Is there a breastfeeding support group near to you? Getting out to be with other mums could really help.

I had the same feelings and worries (still do at 1 years old to a lesser degree) but I was a worrier pre baby.

I have never been diagnosed with PND, just anxiety. Another mum said to me "you will never stop checking they are still breathing when they are asleep, no matter how old they are".

I remember my sister practically forcing me to let her take my daughter out for a couple of hours. I reluctantly agreed. I must have phoned 8 times before she answered her phone. I was in tears and she told me I needed help. That it wasn't normal and that if someone had offered to take her child for a few hours she would have bit their hand off.

We agreed to disagree.

I think the way you are feeling is rational and natural.

Dear OP, you sound very overwhelmed. Is your midwife still visiting? If so do please tell her honestly how anxious you are feeling. Otherwise call your HV tomorrow and request a visit and she will be able to help. She may we’ll speak to your GP or make you an appointment.

There is lots of help and support around, sometimes from unexpected places. Do you have good family support? Share your fears so they can help too.

Get practical help with the feeding and try not to worry too much. Sometimes tiny babies do well with a nipple shield or simply take a bit longer to get going- hopefully you have good advice as to whether he needs supplemental feeds?

Sorry for all the questions, I’m a former midwife and want to come round and give you a hug and a hand. Since that’s not possible please ask those near you. And get sleep, that’s absolutely vital.

Best wishes and congratulations on your beautiful baby.

Oh @WaterWellies I've been there. How new is your baby? Are you still in the first few days?

Nothing quite prepares you for being a mum of a newborn. It's an overwhelming responsibility and your body is in overdrive and depleted all at once, hormones and brain screaming at you to worry and care for him, your body exhausted. It is so so genuinely hard.

Feeling this way doesn't mean you're not 'normal.' You'd be shocked to know how many of the mums you know have 100% felt this way. But it does mean you need extra care and help.

Who can you ask for help? Is there anyone you trust to watch the baby for a few hours while you sleep?

A few hours sleep and a shower did so much for my mental health in those fragile & terrifying early days.

You'll get through this. Your baby is strong!!! (They are build to survive! They are tough little critters, I promise) take care of yourself first.

I wrote about my experience on another thread the other day. Can’t find it now but when my son was born I was so worried about him. I used to cry and sob and say ‘I just love him’. The midwife would visit (she was AMAZING) and I’d tell her ‘I’m reading up about cot death and these are the statistics. I can’t cope with the worry about my baby’....... she went through the statistics with me to show that actually I’ve interpreted them wrong. I wouldn’t drop it though so she brought round a human dummy and taught me cpr - she left me with this full sized man dummy to practice. He was on the kitchen table for weeks.

Intermittently I’d sob ‘I just love him’. I bought some sort of alarm thing that went under the mattress. If he stopped breathing it’d go off. I know it sounds crazy and when I look back maybe I was. But it didn’t last. I didn’t need any help (maybe you do though I’m not advising not going to the gp).

For me I wasn’t depressed I was just very hormonal, tired and overwhelmed with how much love I felt for another person. I didn’t know how to handle it 💐

I was like this I never slept for fear of SIDS I would lay awake at night with my hand on his chest so I knew he was breathing. It was pnd and I did cbt to help and now it's better than it was still have my moments he's 13 months now

I had severe anxiety when my dd was tiny, I couldn’t relax if she was asleep/away from me. Even if we co-slept I woke up constantly in an utter panic thinking something had happened to her. I was diagnosed with PND. Since treatment it was a lot better. The worry never goes as such, but the debilitating anxiety and never being able to relax definitely has eased a lot. She’s in her own room now, although I do still check on her a lot!

Definitely speak to GP. The sooner treatment for PND is established the better you’ll feel.

For breastfeeding support, google a breastfeeding group in your area and attend. Kelly Mom website is also really good for lots of advice.

You poor thing, what a tough time. It sounds like the symptoms of post natal anxiety, so definitely go and see someone.

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder already (sorry, don't know why I failed to mention that). Just having a tough time when all in all my baby is healthy and happy and so so lovely.

I'm going to see my midwife about this tomorrow. Thanks for your advice. Holding my little one now and every time he's still I have to get him to move. Really struggling with fear and anxiety.