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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not love my pets?

69 replies

BathFullOfEels · 28/10/2018 10:59

Just to clarify my pets consist of two rabbits and four chickens. A friend came round yesterday and animals were running around the garden. Friend has dogs and claimed she would never consider getting smaller animals as she couldn’t cope with the heartbreak when they died after a couple of years. I said I definitely wouldn’t get a dog that I knew would only live a couple of years but the chickens I’ll kill when they stop laying and replace with young ones. I won’t replace the rabbits as they’re a pita to look after, they dig holes all over the lawn and they are, at best, disinterested in me. Also they’re already six and show no signs of slowing down yet so they’re not exactly pets with a short life expectancy.

Friend was looking at me as I said this as if I’d just casually admitted murder and was then really odd with me the rest of the time she was here.

Is it really that unusual to not love your pets? If I had a dog or a cat or a horse I could totally see how I would love it. But chickens and rabbits? I like that the chickens lay eggs. I like that I have the space and time to give both my chickens and rabbits much nicer lives than they would have with a lot of pet owners. But I don’t actually feel anything towards them. No more than if I looked at a field of sheep and thought ‘they look like happy sheep’. My friend made me feel like I was being cruel not to love them Confused

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 28/10/2018 11:01

Some people are just funny about animals. I couldn’t love any animal at all, but I understand people do.

MrsStrowman · 28/10/2018 11:02

It might have been because you said you'd kill the chickens

SitdownToby · 28/10/2018 11:03

I like that I have the space and time to give both my chickens and rabbits much nicer lives than they would have with a lot of pet owners

That's the important thing in my opinion - giving them a good life.

Lots of people claim to love their "fur babies" when they actually overfeed their dogs and make them fat or keep rabbits caged in hutches.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 28/10/2018 11:04

I think it is a bit weird not to love animals that you live with and care for. Rabbits are brilliant creatures who are extremely interactive if time is spent engaging with them - not saying that’s how you should want to look after them, but IME the ones are seem dull and disinterested are the one who are rarely interacted with.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/10/2018 11:06

I'm pretty surprised you're not attached to the chickens, I thought mine were hilarious and incredibly intelligent - so much so I've not eaten chicken in 17 years.

One used to come and sit on my lap in the garden when I had my morning coffee.

I thought they were fabulous wee creatures and I wept when the died.

Blanchedupetitpois · 28/10/2018 11:06

I think there’s a pretty big difference between not loving your pets and being willing to kill them. Maybe that’s why your friend was surprised

I find it very odd because I love my pets so much, but you look after them well so I don’t think it’s cruel (save for the killing part).

HB2Me · 28/10/2018 11:07

Yes, I think it’s probably more to do with the casual comment about killing the chickens once they are no longer useful to you.

I think many people would consider that is an awful attitude to have towards living creatures.

Would it not be cheaper and save yourself hassle if you just bought half a dozen eggs as and when you need them?

whymewhyme · 28/10/2018 11:08

That's normal, or it is to me anyway!

CovenofMiLsfromHades · 28/10/2018 11:10

I agree you can care about your animals without loving them. We like keeping fish we enjoy looking at them and want them to have happy fishy lives, but we don't love them in the same way as our dog.

POPholditdown · 28/10/2018 11:10

As long as you’re not mistreating them, or hate them, I think yanbu.

Though, I’m a sucker for any animals tbh, I feel joy at the very least when I see them. There are two birds (crows I think) that constantly argue over a tree next to my garden. I love listening to them.

But everyone’s different, and I think as long as they have a good life with you, that’s most important. As you say, they might have a worse life elsewhere. Some love their pets, but don’t bother (or don’t know how) to care for the basic needs.

I don’t know how you’ll kill the chickens when they’ve lived with you though! Is that the done thing, when they stop laying eggs? I don’t know much about chicken ownership.

Original poster
BathFullOfEels · 28/10/2018 11:12

HB2 of course it would be cheaper to buy eggs. But I like keeping chickens as I know the eggs are from very happy chickens. Even if I bought free range there is no way the chickens are looked after as well as mine are and those free range chickens would be killed in a much more stressful environment and a lot sooner than I would kill mine.

It probably was because I’d said I’d kill the chickens that she thought I was being cruel though.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 28/10/2018 11:13

I think the 'fur baby' thing is quite recent - I grew up in the country and people weren't really sentimental about animals! My dad is a huge animal lover but has no issues getting rid of old chickens.

Maybe if they live in your house it's different than if they live outside?

It's an interesting question. I love my cat but I'm not obsessed with him! We also have two rats and I am very surprised at how fond I am of them. And I love one of them more than the other, but that's because he loves me more and has really cute ears. But I know rats only live 2 years and am OK with that.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/10/2018 11:13

I also don't think the chickens are your 'pets' - I think pets implies relationships.

I'm thinking your chickens is more husbandry? Or farming?

Not sure about the rabbits. I appreciate you're looking after them but are you handling them enough to have a relationship with them ? Or are you just lifting them to check their arse for fly strike?

HB2Me · 28/10/2018 11:16

I think she probably just misunderstood what you meant. From what you’ve said, it seems clear that you actually do care about them.

On a related note, id love some chickens - are they difficult to look after?

RedneckStumpy · 28/10/2018 11:17

We have 3 dogs, 1 cat, chickens and rabbits.

I love the dogs and the cat. Chickens and rabbits, no they are food. The chickens get killed and eaten once they stop laying. The rabbits we breed for meat.

thecatsthecats · 28/10/2018 11:25

Our chickens had such wonderful personalities. Endless fun, and we'd never have dreamt of knocking off the old birds unless they were ill.

Thatstheendofmytether · 28/10/2018 11:26

No I don't think I would love chickens. I had 2 rabbits and they were a bloody nightmare so I sold them to a very good home where I new they would have a lot of space that I just didn't have for them. I was keeping them indoors because I just didn't have the heart to put them outside, I'm too much of a worrier.
When you kill your chickens do you eat them?

MrMeSeeks · 28/10/2018 11:29

I’d think you were weird.
Rabbits are fantastic, if they're disintereted in you maybe you’re not doing enough with them.

Blanchedupetitpois · 28/10/2018 11:29

Is that the done thing, when they stop laying eggs?

Definitely not, my mum’s garden is full of ropey old chickens who don’t lay any more, having a lovely life.

OP is right that almost all commercial hens will be worse treated than hers. But I still think it’s a shame to kill them when they stop laying.

diddl · 28/10/2018 11:40

I think if you'd kill the chickens when they stop laying then you don't think of them as pets, do you?

Unless stopping laying means that there is some illness & it would be a kindness?

Junkmail · 28/10/2018 11:41

I can see where you’re coming from. I have three dogs and five cats (I’m a little obsessed with animals). I’ve also had horses and rats and I completely adore and adored them all. They’re wonderful companions and the relationship I have/had with them and the love I have/had with them really enhances my life.

But. I also had rabbits as a kid and while I enjoyed them I can’t say I loved them. I also had chickens many years ago and gave them a wonderful life—entirely free range over a number of acres, safe at night, excellent food. I cared very much for them and watching them and raising their chicks brought me a lot of joy but I certainly didn’t love them. They served a purpose and in exchange were given a great life.

I think it just depends entirely on the relationship you have with the animal. All five cats sleep on my bed with me at night and meow to me when I come home. The dogs are very affectionate and funny and we have had some wonderful hikes together. I know them all so well and I talk to them and I interact with them and it’s just so different from an animal like a chicken. I think maybe your friend just didn’t consider this OP. And I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

AjasLipstick · 28/10/2018 11:42

I have a dog and a cat that I LOVE dearly. Also 4 chickens. We put up with non-laying old girls for a while but then off them once they get too grumpy or start picking on the younger hens.

The old non layers often bully the others for food I find.

DH does the job. I couldn't. But chickens aren't that nice are they? We tried to show ours affection and they won't have it at all.

Racecardriver · 28/10/2018 11:45

Chickens are working animals and rabbits are just a bit pointless. They’re not like dogs that form a relationship with you. English people are just st very ott about animals.

MyBrexitIsIll · 28/10/2018 11:45

Bath you sounds like some family members that are farmers.
It’s not that they don’t care for their pets but the very practical side never leaves them. A hen that has stopped laying eggs just isn’t worth keeping anymore. So is been killed and replaced.

I personally can’t see the issue. But a lot of people are very funny about pets and seem to think they should be treated the same than human (if not better).

Orchiddingme · 28/10/2018 11:46

My family got a dog when I was in my late-teens. I cared for the dog, looked after the dog, and stayed with the dog all night on the last night of its life. I didn't love the dog though. I have bonded with some animals- I really did love one of our cats, the other I didn't. I think I'm a good pet owner and very diligent and that's what I owe them. If you love them, so much the better but it's not compulsory or odd to not love certain animals.

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