To want to ignore my birthday

[LynnthePA]

NC for this.
AIBU to want to ignore my birthday?
I used to like it but the last few years I haven't enjoyed it at all. It just makes me feel depressed. I get presents that make it clear that no one knows or cares what stuff I like (I don't have expensive tastes and I'm not a demanding diva but I don't wear make up much, not into clothes or bags etc.) a good book or a DVD would be enough to make me happy.
I don't care about getting older, it's more the fact that no one listens to what I would like to do or what gifts I would like. I mean why ask what I want if you are going to ignore what I suggest. It makes me feel really sad like no one knows me. Also, this year I feel pretty unhappy generally because of some things that have happened - bereavement, serious illness of a close relative and a house move that hasn't worked out very well. I also feel that I am stuck in a rut not doing anything I wanted to do. Doing stuff to make others happy and they don't appreciate it. I don't feel there is much to celebrate so I would just rather not. Next year I might feel differently when the dust has settled from the bad year we've had. I just don't need any more upset.
My husband asked me the other day what I would like and I said nothing. I said, very matter of factly that what I would like is to ignore the day and pretend it is any other day. He then said I was being unfair as I was making him feel bad.
I'm not trying to make anyone else feel bad, or make a point, I just want to protect myself from feeling bad.
AIBU?

It does sound as though you're trying to make a point, whether you mean it that way or not. Has your H been supportive through this difficult year, or have your issues affected him as badly as you?

You sound very down. Are you depressed, do you think?

I’m not fussed about my bday either. I don’t really want or need anything to be honest. And buying me something would be a waste of money and I would rather save the money towards our special holiday next year.

Just a nice card and maybe pizza for dinner would be fine with me. But. That makes everyone else uncomfortable. Sigh.

Tbh no he hasn't been particularly supportive, but he is also struggling as one of the bereavements was a close relative of his.
He won't discuss anything about anything just bottles it all up.
I'm honestly not trying to make a point, I didn't say any of what I wrote here other than I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year.
I am very down but then I have had a lot to deal with this year so it's hardly surprising I suppose.

@Dontgiveamonkeys1350
This is what I don't get, why do I have to participate in it to stop others feeling uncomfortable?

To be honest, most of your comment revolve around gifts - what people give you and what you'd really want. So you aren't really saying you want to ignore your birthday - you just wish people would give better gifts. Why not just smile and thank people instead of finding fault with what they give you ?

I've had years when people actually did forget my birthday and it isn't half as good as you suggest it would be. Try putting on your big girl pants, smile and say thanks instead of being difficult about it.

@Birdie69 it just makes me feel lonely, that my husband thinks I like things that I don't.
We have been married a long time and he doesn't know me at all.

Honestly the thought of my birthday and feeling so cut off from everyone is horrible

My dh is an imaginate gift giver. How the fuck he imagines I would like some gifts is beyond me. Lol.

Problem was solved by me giving very specific instructions! It takes away the fun of the surprise, but I learnt the surprise was usually what awful taste he had. He has no idea and think he used to panic buy the first thing he saw.

There's obviously a much bigger issue going on than a yearly bad present. You feel unsupported, deracted, unknown and unseen. The birthday gift is a reflection of this. All those feelings can be part of depression. And if you've just been through a traumatic event then you might want to consider the possibility.

He's making it all about him rather than seeing the bigger picture and that you need to feel recognised and seen. He may not want to discuss the problems and stick his head in the sand, but it sounds like you really need to. Perhaps you could ask for that discussion as your present?

@Thingsdogetbetter
Thank you. I think you are right.
I also feel that as things are I have lost all my hope for the future. I don't feel capable of acting happy when so much is getting me down.
I just don't know what to do and so I'm doing nothing except get upset.
I do feel invisible sometimes.
We used to be in it together but I feel alone now.

Christmas is easier because I can focus on the kids and preparations.

I basically didn't have a 30th birthday because I had a miscarriage right before and I couldn't face a celebration. I got a few 'what, you're not doing anything?!' reactions but with hindsight it was 100% the right decision. If you're feeling low and think a birthday celebration will make you feel worse not better then don't have one - it's not compulsory.

@LisaSimpsonsbff
Sorry to hear that thank you for replying.
Thing is, we're both dealing with stuff so I'm not blaming him. Normally I could get through the day and although I wasn't over the moon I was OK and I didn't let it get to me once it was over. I would be jolly enough. This year, I just don't have it in me.

Oh OP you do sound so sad and down. I'm really sorry you've had such a terrible time of it. That invisible feeling really does feel so horrible.

I found your husbands response to you saying "nothing" very annoying. He immediately made it all about him and his feelings. That's not good. When you say he's not been very supportive she you feel alone, I can see why.

I think you might need a bit of help with your feelings. Have you spoken to your gp?

I'd like to wish you a peaceful and happy birthday op. Doing exactly as you wish 

@BitOutOfPractice
Thank you for your kind words and thanks everyone for replying.
I did feel he was telling me off for making him feel bad. I did say it's been a tough year and I just don't feel like it.
I will make a doctors appointment. I am very down.
Thank you all.

Truly, thank you.

Thank you Lynn - I'm really glad you're making a doctor's appointment.