To ask you all for help sorting my shitstorm of a life out pls?

[BrokenRocket]

Emotional, mentally and physically drained right now.
I’m working and studying so putting in about 45+ hours per week maybe more, looking after 2 young dc too. Dh is suffering from anxiety and has been unable to travel this year is able to work but has impacted on family life.
I’m suffering from PTSD to do with a accident my ds had (recovered now but with scar).
Gained 2.5 stone this year through comfort eating.
I look and feel horrendous.
I needed support from friends but recently been left out of a friendship group not sure why, I do have lots of other lovely friends but not at dd’s school so hate the school run.
Everything is so hard and I’m so tired - want to be a fun mum like I used to be.

I know this thread must sound ‘poor me’ and I realise people must have it a lot worst than me so apologies if that’s how I come across

You need rest time, time for yourself.

Do you get to do anything regularly that's just for you? Go for a swim, meet a friend, lie in the bath for an hour uninterrupted?

Ah, Rocket, you have a lot on.

I'd decide to focus on one thing at a time. I wondered if you'd maybe been left out of the friendship group because you haven't had time to put into it? Could you message one or two people in the group explaining that you've had a lot on, but that you'd really appreciate catching up? Then you can gauge their responses as to whether there might be anything else contributing.

Good luck 🙂, I'd meet you for coffee if you were nearby.

You don't sound 'poor me,' you sound exhausted. How long is left on your course?

Another 10 months or so and this year is the hardest I’m financially tied in to it and it’s cost thousands so I have to complete.
I’ve hired a cleaner to come every fortnight to help me stay on top of the house so that might help me a bit.

That sounds really tough. I don't know whether it's possible for you but when I feel like everything is piling in on me I try to simplify whatever I can. I sort of "reduce" life down to just what has to be done for a while so eg I avoid making additional work commitments or social plans that will require effort, put off things like planned work on the house and kind of just allow myself some headspace.

For various reasons I've been feeling quite mentally drained over the last few months. I have been studying for a (not essential but good to have in my line of work) qualification but I've decided to take a break from that until next year. Would it be possible to take time out from your studies?

Thanks clowns that’s what I think I’m aiming to do- given up some voluntary commitments and saying no more often to social things unless it’s with the kids.
I wouldn’t be able to take a break until mid jan and by that point it might be easier to just push through the last few months and get it over with iyswim?

It sounds like you are running on empty. Completely understandable that you feel the way you do.

Hiring a cleaner is a good idea. One thing less to worry about.

I would agree about trying to gauge what happened with the friendship group. You will either discover it’s just an oversight or you will discover that they weren’t friends at all and are therefore not worth brain space.

Definitely try to carve out some time for you. Even just getting out for a 20 minute walk a few times a week will help. And maybe try o e if the Headspace type apps to help with relaxation. Might help your DH too.

When you feel up to it you could tackle eating healthy. Comfort eating is a bitch. Been there got the XXL t-shirt!

In the meantime drink loads of water and take a good multi vitamin.

Hiring a cleaner was a very good move. Personally I am a great believer in tne standard you can manage without affecting your healt (mental and physical) is the right standard for your household. BUT getting help is a great boost to your ‘I saw a problem and was able to solve it’ resilience.

You have a lot on, but you are doing fantastically well, and working towards your course and qualification is such a positive move.

Start with the bits you can control. You. I don’t think this is the moment to take on a full scale diet and fitness regime, but I have a life like yours atm and I find that if I conciously make a few decisions to enjoy a moment rather than feel embattled I face the day better.

So, instead of trudging along the pavement I deliberately enjoy the walk and walk quite fast enjoying the sky or leaves in the tree or whatever, and thinking ‘this is good for my heart rate ‘.

Yesterday I took the kids out and there was an apple tree with loads of recent windfalls. I picked a few up, thought ‘these will be lovely to eat instead of biscuits ‘.

Little moments, one a day, when you change the quality of what you do, not the quantity.

Tackle the school run with your head held high, set yourself a target to smile and say good morning to two or three people.

I hope your DH can feel better soon. The fact is that other people’s anxiety is exhausting to be around.

I think you need to simplify your life. 45 hours plus is not that much, really, to be honest. An unwell partner makes life tougher though and means you have the emotional burden.

Cleaner is definitely a good idea.
Set menu over two or three weeks delivered by online shopping by simply repeating the order. Takes out thinking time and stops junk purchases.
Add in a non cook meal weekly until you feel more on track. Takeaway might not be the healthiest but vegetable curry isn’t that awful, neither is a restaurant meal.
Give up some social and voluntary commitments and even some of the children’s but replace with walking somewhere nice - woods, downs, beach, park wherever is near you. Don’t completely give up social contact though.
Reduce plastic tat in house. Don’t go into overload on Christmas presents or Halloween etc. Nobody needs it and less is more. A cluttered house feels less like being in control.
Maybe book yourself into Zumba, Pilates, yoga, tap dance or another class once a week and get your husband to have the children. Good for both of you.
Don’t fret about the school run. It’s often cliques and they’ll be lots feeling left out. Just drop and go until you feel stronger and have finished the course.
Force yourself to move on from your child’s accident now. They’re recovering and safe. Many children have scars. If you can’t maybe seek help?

Thank you I need to sort through everything I just feel so overwhelmed

I would start by trying to eat as much veg as you can to increase your energy. I think this alone makes a massive difference.

Try and stop buying things, unless essential. They take up time, money and space and most things you can live without.

Be as organised as possible. Make lists when you have a chance, order your finances, clear out a cupboard. Even if you only spend 5 minutes a day on this. Being a control freak makes me feel on top of life.

Then make time for yourself. Find a quick and easy hobby - 10 minutes meditating, reading, writing, painting, exercising can make you feel better.

If all else fails, go to bed for an hour with a film.

I’ve been there. The key thing is that you know it’s temporary - just keep pushing on for now and you know it will get better.

I agree completely that you’ve got to focus on what needs to be done. Don’t even think about voluntary activities. Apologise to your friends and promise to throw a big party when your studies are done to catch up with them.

Don’t sweat about keeping the house tidy. Just make sure the kids have got something clean to wear and have cleaned their teeth; they don’t need a bath every day. They can manage on a limited diet of fishfingers and baked potatoes when you need them to.

Take each day as it comes. I found it stressful to think too far ahead or to contemplate the enormity of everything that needed doing. Take a moment in the shower every morning to think about the three things you must complete at work today and the one thing you want to do for your studies. Do NOT think or panic about all the things you can’t do.

When are the key deadlines for essays or exams? Can you arrange childcare for the weekend prior if your partner’s not around to make sure you can completely dedicate yourself to your studies at the crucial moment?

On those rare moments that you’re not working, studying or looking after the kids, have something that can help you switch off completely. I’m a keen knitter so I always try to do a couple of rows of my current project before I go to bed, however much else I’ve got on - it’s me time and it totally takes my mind off everything else.

Don’t give up! Push on through. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and this will all be over soon.

Re-read your OP after I posted. My advice was tailored to managing your studies around other commitments, but I see you’ve got other issues going on as well. But I still think you should block out everything else (as far as you can) and prioritise the study for now. Not only will you reap all the tangible rewards of having done it, but knowing that you did it will give you the confidence to deal with people who are bringing you down and spur you on to tackling the weight gain (“If I can do that, I can easily do this!”). Good luck!